I am Major General Babar Iftikhar. I am the one who succeeded Major General Asif Ghafoor as Pakistani military’s spokesman. I am no 16th-century Zahiruddin Muhammad Babar. But if names mean anything to you, then you must know my name stands for tiger or the ‘brave’. Apt for the current times. If Zahiruddin Babar or Babur could win the battle of Panipat then I will win Pakistanis the war against the coronavirus, if nothing else.
This is the first time I am writing to you in person. Don’t freak out. I’m wearing my face-mask and maintaining physical distance. You might think what took me so long to connect with you all, well, with my predecessor Asif Ghafoor’s stormy relationship with you, keeping quiet looked like a really good option. You all deserved the break, while I figured out what was it that I was chosen for.
Man of action
When people say nothing good has come of the year 2020, it breaks my heart. Don’t they remember I came in their lives only in this mubarik year. Am I so unforgettable?
Who am I, even I don’t know. But I am nothing like the last one. I don’t use a smartphone, I don’t even have a personal Twitter account. People expect me to troll enemies of Pakistan, though that is not my job.
My style is rather traditional and subdued. I keep my cards close to my chest and I don’t believe in dying my grey hair. My keeping the greys, like Pakistan staying put on FATF’s grey-list, has converted many ‘Ghafoora’ haters into my lovers. That’s no mean achievement.
Some have called me an introvert, but that’s not so true. It will take time for you to understand that I will only blow the trumpet of my boss and not mine. I don’t believe in reaction. I am a man of action.
Also read: Boss Bajwa got extension, I didn’t. But don’t worry Pakistani dears, I will be Gen Twitter
Fourth-most intelligent nation
My first action was to announce a countrywide lockdown, when Pakistan’s Prime Minister Imran Khan was incapacitated by common sense, which as you know, isn’t that uncommon. I am Pakistan’s corona soldier.
These are unprecedented times. And unprecedented times call for unprecedented measures. Why else do you think the armed forces is making hand sanitisers? It is good for business, of course, but then one has to oversee hundreds of our military’s businesses. How else you think our country is going to run?
While the scientists of the world are looking for a cure to Covid-19, our scientists are making face-masks. Only that will help us get rid of the fake ‘Made in China’ underwear masks. World has its problems, we have ours.
We have to fight an enemy named coronavirus whose ideology is unknown. This virus is way more dangerous than the killers of Jewish-American journalist Daniel Pearl, that’s why we decided to set them free. A decision that backfired. For years, no one even mentioned terrorist Omar Saeed Sheikh. I bet no one even knew he was still alive, but then suddenly the entire world woke up. Now, we Pakistanis weren’t crowned “fourth-most intelligent nation” in the world for nothing.
We continue to fight the fifth-generation hybrid warfare.
Also read: Pakistani doctors need PPE to fight Covid-19, PM Imran Khan puts paper tigers on the job
Triumph and triumph
Last February, India wanted to surprise us with Balakot strikes, in return, we surprised India by celebrating the surprise they couldn’t surprise us with. That’s a lot of surprises in one lifetime. It is now a story for our future Pakistan Studies generations. Dushman ne raat ke andhere mein chhup karhum par vaar kiya, we have practiced that line since 1965. At least in 2020 dushman can WhatsApp and then attack.
27 February 2019 is a day of triumph, a day of being proud, don’t ask why. We destroyed two Indian fighter planes and caught one soldier. Initially, there were two, then there was one, and then we were left with none. The entire country celebrated with a Rahat Fateh Ali Khan concert on the first anniversary of the great bravery of Abhinandan Varthaman descending from nowhere into Pakistan. Nothing that India does will ever make us forget that and we will celebrate each year.
People have judged me for rooting for Lahore Qalandars in the Pakistan Super League, a team that loses each time in the league. So much so that fans worry that it might one day lose its name as well. I’ll still take credit on behalf of my boss for bringing cricket back in Pakistan and eliminating terrorism. Don’t doubt that ever.
As chief of public relations and a soldier against coronavirus, it is my duty to inform you that times have changed. Due to the economic crunch, we’ve had to lay off so many of our hired trolls. But that doesn’t mean that the field has been left open. Some of our trolls still work from home for we want them to stay safe. That doesn’t necessarily mean you all will be safe. I might not be watching you in person but remember #AllahDekhRahaHai.
This is part of an occasional, irreverent take on Pakistani issues by General Twitter. The real name of the authors will not be disclosed because they don’t want to be taken too seriously. Views are personal.
Poor Indians…
Long live Pakistani love from UAE
MASTERPIECE!!!
Apart from the neighborhood war..this article is so damn brilliant. I mean the words, phrases, humor everything is so good. Hats off to the writer.
I don’t believe that this is fake news.
The general is a wise man
He is a fighter all his life and he is willing to fight and defeat crona spreading
Actually whole mankind is against the common enemy but alas as usual some Indians are loaded with arrogance and complex
Please practice social distancing with arrogant and angry people
He is not your Bollywood actor
He is a soldier and will respect the enemy
Unfortunately for a very long time Indian army is missing professionalism by brutally suppressing unarmed kashmiris
Let us understand that Pakistan is a peaceful country and India has also the same intentions but remember we will entertain you fully at theater of war
Well whoever burger boy has written this piece of crap sitting in his air conditioned room on a cozy chair, has tried to create humour out of nothing…. Pakistan army is one of the most professional forces in the world… We are proud to have a great force to reckon with… Enemies would dare not to mingle such force….
Try writing ur crap on politicians and beurocrats who have given u nothing in these years of independence… They are the actual reason of our downfall….
Army has done their job… It would have been better if others have done the same… Espacially we have descent writers in the country, this baggy wearing pony tail cd 70 crap….
????happy Chinese shit
Not sure why the Print has so many articles on Pakistan. Is it because of the chief editor’s obsession with all things Pakistani. India has wonderful neighbors, who are greater success stories then Pakistan. So why not write about them or do they not exist for the Print.
No doubt Pakistan Army is the best Army on the world, and we are proud of this being a Pakistani and member of ex Pakistan Airforce i would like to apprentice General Iftikhar comments for the country and Pak Army. Pakistan zaindabad.
Yes best army to surrender. With pants down 93000 of them!
Poor pakis no more surrendering just break up and change your uniforms into five different colors in PAANCH TUKHDA pakistan ???
Maintaining Physical Distance or Social Distance…!
Maintaining Physical Distance or Social Distance…!!
Maintaining Physical Distance or Social Distance…!!!?
Keep using Chinese malfunctioning weapons to boast just like wearing underwear mask they gave you. And before you say anything about gau mutra or cow urine your pedo prophet told you to drink camel urine check your hadiths
Mental people, do Pakistanis really have brains, this is the reason they are wearing Chinese underwear over their nose as mask and india exporting medicine across the world
Mental people, do Pakistanis really have brains
Mental
O shit i think print was genuine media outfit but not anymore, its ok to b rival nation but just doing propaganda and brainwashing nation is not a good option.i think indian media has realized stupidity level of nation because when whole india believe Whatsapp forwarded message then they can believe every nonsense comes there way…its not written or either wording of DGISPR ,So stop ur stupidity n negativity
Pakistan is always be a terrorist country in the world. First of all you katuas are good for nothing. Kashmir is always ours. You katuas are eating Chinese potty ok. In future also u will eat. China will take all the cream of your fuckin country .Jai Hind. Pakistan ko Kabrastan bana denge as an when required. Still time is there to change ur attitudes towards any Asian countries OK. And particularly Mighty India.
sarcasm at its best.
somebody has to tell these poor pakistanis.. its not moment of proud..
while others had their last laughs reserved.
“The Print” appears to be funded by Porkistan and their sponsors
Yes from the way they moderate indian comments while allowing
Abuse by the pakis freely, it appears something is fishy by shekarji! Pakis repeat because indians dont learn!?
But we shall prevail!???
Action speaks higher than words. Haters can hate…
How’d you like the tea? ?
Courageous and Bold Writing.
Allah may remove boundary between Muslims country and Give us courage to become one Millat, As Kufar are one.
Kheechad me padhe kacchda prani, apne aap ko bahut intelligent bol raha hai….uske muh me pura kheechad hai…..
General Iftikhar against his predecessor that is bad form. His grey hair do not match those of Babur who was bald. Intelligence of Pakistan is reflected in asking America to bomb Pakistan near Islamabad and say hello to Osama. Abuses de reflect fourth last intelligence status. You still have a right. To live peacefully
Deserves a Nobel Prize in Literature. Pakistan is are indeed the 4th most intelligent species on Earth . The Donkey’s come third!
A country that has zero contributions to scientific community till date, including both noble prize winners leaving the country for good. Probably Pakistan army is the only army that holds the record of world’s largest Surrender post WW2. Except for what army can do Pakistan army can do everything else.
Humourous
Entire world scared by invisible threat. No one not sure about tomorrow. Is this right time to scold each other. Sic of you all.
Let this illegitimate descendent of Babar…. bask in his bliss of ignorance…times ahead will show … for not forget to shine ur begging bowl…u gonna need it desperately…
Pakistan?? military one of the strongest in the whole world we respect you love you… And general ghafoor is the nightmare for endia
Hum daar gaye , hahahaha.
Pakistanis have been declared world leaders in the specialised industry of forgery by none other than the British high commissioner to Pakistan, Adam Thomson. This statement came when a visa scam was unearthed in Pakistan by the British tabloid The Sun. The News
Everyone knows who they are and what they are. Don’t spit up because it comes down to OWN face.
We are very afraid of him ohhh.
Mr India, you are still living in 80’z open your eye and change abhinandan diapers
Not sure why India is so obssesed with Pakistan. RSS-BJP Nazis cant take care of their own millions livin in abject poverty, but busy in making false propoganda on surgical strike and balakot where they destroyed a few trees. Maybe its just an attempt by theprint.in to get into good books of Modi-Shah BJP-RSS Nazi network like India today and republic tv by spewing venom against pakistanis and muslims.
ST… in fact you belong to a nation drinks urine, worship animals resultantly your mental health badly affected even stopped working … it is proven fact Pakistan intelligence agency recognised the best by top military powers on the other side propaganda India does against Pakistan never appreciated by the world being based on fake facts …you shall remember two Indian planes shot down by PAF pilots including Abi Nanden plane by our gallant pilot, arrested him live, then returned watched by world.. your brigade was on our target and gen bipan was in bunker but our pilots deliberately dropped bombs nearby aiming to deescalate tension, , so refrain opening your dirty mouth and never try to cross limit
??. Bheekaristan Terroristan Kay Bheekhari go eat Chini master’s ?. ??
Bloody paki go back to your own site
You are a true Pakistani. You see what Indians drink but don’t see what Pakis eat. They eat corpses dug out from the grave!
Your country will have its epitaph very soon. You still revel the theory of “two fighters” shot down. But your Gafoora opened the account with two Indian fighter shot down and three parachutes dropping pilots. It turned out to be two in the afternoon and one in the evening. I pity your two pilots who laid down their lives and died unsung. One of them got entangled in the tail of F16 and broken into pieces. Other one reached the hospital three fourth dead, beaten by the people who you call your citizens. You can still celebrate the event. No surprises! If you can believe buraq the donkey flying to your God’s place, nobody can prevent you from swallowing what is fed to you by gaffoora…. And make a happy living hereafter!
In English those who only shouts do not get into action. Self advertisement
Ha ha ha ha. Very pity… Pakistan has such mindless man on such key positions who speaks like common street man
First of all the major general talks of being the fourth intelligent nation! It seems he misread and skipped the word fourth most “perverted intelligent nation”
Coming to urine drinking please check your own prophets recommendation of drinking camel urine! You can click camel urine drinking in islam/prophet times or on u tube videos of arabs drinking camel urine even today are available Sooo ignorantWhile the arabs do it even today and are rich because they follow the peophet you duplicates dont follow
and have become a bhikari
nation?
Coming to your army remember 93000 of your troops had surrendered with their pants down
and shamelessly continued in service along your shameless terrorist nation!
Now it’s going to be “PAANCH TUKDA PAKISTAN” very soon!
JAI HIND ???
Funny Indians as they dont know when there assess were kicked. The article is not written by DG ISPR but Indian propaganda machine.
A Man who praises his own self is called a Donkey . Empty vessels make the most noise .It is the blood of the entire P Nation. To shout for nothing ..Even during cricket matches . One four and whole p crowd starts dancing ..And at the last ..they end up with tie tie fish
Lol
I want to appreciate that genius writer who shed light on Pakistan and it’s General Babar Iftikhar. No wonder why the remarkable writer of this masterpiece wants to remain anonymous because “Gems”are always hidden. How on earth Pakistani people could imagine themselves as fourth most intelligent nation when the founders of Coronavirus vaccine and life saving drug from Atomic radiation live in their neighbours. Indian genius scientists have found solutions for these issues in “Cow Urine and Dung” GAO MOOTR and GAO GOBAR.
For no reason Pakistan is a failed state , blacklisted with a literacy rate of below 50% and yet you claim to be the 4th most intelligent nation .
Lol… By the way to add to your empty knowledge base , son of a bitch , India is the only country in South Asia apart from China to make atomic energy converted into utilities other than just nukes , not like Porkistan who gets those nukes in its begging bowl from China .
India has a 200 billion dollar Information and Technology industry something more than Porkistan’s GDP it self .
Indian Bafoons go drink cow urine and mind your own business, you fake news spreaders, dirty politics Players and lousy liars
Bsdi Walo..are u so dumb to understand that this article is written by an Indian. It is all sarcastic and trying to make fun of Pakistan
Look who is trolling .the people who are stuck in gau mutr.where army generals work is to dry underwear of rss
Zak,
Have you stopped licking clean mental general babar iftikhar’s used underwears and eating his shit?
India is already winning the war on Coronavirus. It has just introduced the cure after long hard research carried out by its renowned scientists. The medicine is available to purchase from any corner store in India. It is tested by Modi and he strongly recommends it.
Go buy one and get one free.. It’s called
Gao Mootr and Gao Gobar
Actually Pakistani’s are licking Chinese underwears
4th in Intelligent in international mental hospital
27 February 2019 is a day of triumph, a day of being proud, don’t ask why. We destroyed two Indian fighter planes and caught one soldier.
You eat cow it’s your choice, it is not a super natural food that you alone eat. All world eat cow except hindu. So it’s not a specia.
Second. Clean your brain coz cow shit??? enter inside your brain.
3rd even in Islam camel ?urine also used for as medicine. So urine is urine , it’s came from cow or camel
27 February 2019 is a day of triumph, a day of being proud, don’t ask why. We destroyed two Indian fighter planes and caught one soldier.
Your preference is Kashmir to carona.Kashmir will only be a dream.hope you win over carona
We want to solve this issue with conversation not on war, you pple dont undrestand what war is. When we fought 1948 india has called united nation to solve this with conversation bcz india got familiar with unbeatable Pak Army and unbtble trible pple
Great! With masks made of lankots and test kits bounced from all over Europe with ten to fifteen percent success rate you descendant of Babur going to win over Covid-19? Good luck!!
Read this only in the end:
part of an occasional, irreverent take on Pakistani issues by General Twitter.
???
India media as usual spinning fake propaganda, only a few days ago 5 Indian special forces were killed by 5 freedom fighters, the so called special forces lost their special powers against ill equipped and untrained freedom fighters how pathetic is the Indian army.
Asif buffoon…
Who said pak is “Fourth most intelligeht?” ?????
Secondly, what matters most is now if your actions and tweets match, not like tweeting we are containing terror while sheletring terrorists
Forth most intelligent from bottom of their ass
What the heck?
Fake India propaganda.
Babar’ (meaning brave or tiger) doesn’t mean a thing, because they’ll grin and bear it, even if China rubs shit on the faces of all the military ‘babars’ – because they know that Pakistan is a nonentity without Chinese support and backing.
Since China gave them fake, good-for-nothing underwear masks, it does make sense for scientists and even the military to make face-masks – not only hand sanitisers. Especially since Pakistan can’t bite the hand that feeds it.
Business for Fauji Inc ? Lots of wealth for Fauji lifestyle
Pakistanis crowned “fourth-most intelligent nation” in the world?? ??
By whom?
By terrorists ??
What has this man got in common with Babur? Funny guy!