Almost 25 years ago, I read a inspiring story about the great philosopher and teacher J Krishnamurti. One day, a great intellectual came to him to learn meditation and with lot of questions, which Krishnamurti addressed. However, when he realised that the questions were not going to end, he told the individual: You can keep asking me as many questions as you want, and I will try my best to answer. But I may still not be able to convince you, because meditation cannot be understood intellectually. Like love, it can only be experienced and felt. Since you have come from so far to learn it, why don’t you start with trust in the process and for a month do as your meditation teacher asks you to. After a month, you may not have any more questions because your experience would have given you all answers and then you may want to continue with it. However, if you do not get the answers and wish to discontinue with the practice, then it would be perfectly fine.
I don’t know if I have narrated the story exactly the way it was written. It’s been over 25 years since I read it somewhere. But here is how I had perceived it, and this is what has stayed with me.
The realisation…
Nearly two decades ago, I was exactly like that intellectual— seeking but wanting to understand meditation before even practising it. Since then, I have explored a few forms of meditations and found each one powerful. Answers come only if we practice, and not by analysing the technique or process intellectually.
It has taken me almost 25 years to realise that meditation is an internal journey, not external. And it doesn’t matter what form of meditation you are doing. If you want to be benefitted by it, you have to be regular with it. And the benefit here is getting started on the path of self-realisation and actualization — discovery of the ultimate truth that we all are Brahm or Divine or Sacred – Aham Brahmasmi. During this journey, we are also able to see how we have wandered away from that divine nature of ours, and that is the cause of all pain in life.
Also, we may then figure out that to achieve absolute happiness, we have to change ourselves instead of blaming others and situations for our pain. Once this realisation hits us, the journey to better ourselves starts and may lead to mindset and behavioural shift within ourselves. Meditation also makes us feel empowered because it helps us understand that our soul itself choses where to be born on earth (a school for the soul) and pre-decides what challenges and experience it wants to deal with, to have some specific learning. We no longer feel like a helpless creature. Instead, one sees oneself as an empowered being, determined to put in all efforts to learn and develop oneself, despite all obstacles (because learning never comes easy).
Unfortunately, the minute we enter this school called life, we conveniently forget what we came here for. Just like we forget that our purpose is to learn, when we enter a real school or college unless we are lucky to get an inspiring teacher. We also forget our true reality of being divine and since we all are Brahm/Divine, we are all the same. I Am YOU & YOU Are ME. We forget that to be happy, it’s important to accept, respect and love each other despite superficial differences because our core is the same. By hurting someone else, we are hurting our own self. And those who are hurting us deserve our compassion and not anger.
This is what meditation helps us remember, and thereby puts us back on the path of learning, self-development and becoming a better human being. Meditation also helps in unlearning things such as – it’s not materialistic success that makes us special but kindness and compassion, or it’s not our mastery over language and ability to engage in a debate that make us intelligent but our empathy for all beings and environment and efforts to add value to the society. Like developing any valuable habit in life, meditation is difficult because it requires loads of self-discipline and shift in our mindset: from looking for answers outside to looking within. Our judgmental mindset also plays a major role in creating obstacles on this path. That reminds me of another story.
Also read: Dilip Mandal misunderstood the spirit of Vipassana. He rejected it without testing
…not to be judgmental
I was new to a certain form of meditation and dropped out of it because one day, during a group meditation session, I saw some senior meditators discussing money, which I found petty. Now of course, it was me who was being petty, by judging them, based on a two-minute observation. I had this stupid romantic view of meditation that if once someone started the practice, they would turn into sage. Today I know better.
Meditation is a life-long journey and everyone who is on it is work-in-progress. And merely because some people started on it before us, does not mean they have to be perfect at it. My learning today is that meditation is a way to reach our core/soul, and for that we have to learn to exercise control over our mind – the only part of our body that has become so powerful that it controls us unlike any other part. Mind’s power comes from the high importance that the world has awarded it for long. This importance is because the mind gives us the success that is valued in today’s world the most. As a result, empathy, compassion and kindness are no longer valued much.
Also read: Liberals shy away from advocating for Muslim women. ‘Made in Heaven’ is a good first step
Vipassana
My next stop in my meditation journey was vipassana. And what an experience it was. Staying at the vipassana center dormitory for 10 days without talking with anyone, advised not to make even eye contact with fellow beings, eating sattvic last meal before noon and meditating almost the whole day starting from 4 am. Vipassana was brought back to India by S.N. Goenka, an Indian born in Burma in 1969. He learnt vipassana from U Ba Khin, a senior civil servant and teacher of meditation. Goenka didn’t encourage meditators to sit at his feet, but to go out and live happily in the world. He himself was a family man and dressed in simple shirt pants or kurta. He directed his students to be devoted to the technique, to the truth they find within themselves.
And imagine being taught at zero cost, in a world where spirituality is sold at premium by flamboyant gurus. That’s because Goenka believed that meditation must never become business. To ensure that the teachings reach us in the purest form and don’t get impacted by each teacher’s perception, we hear Goenkaji’s recorded guidance all through the 10 days. In these recorded sessions, Goenkaji quotes from Sutta Pitaka, most widely accepted record of Buddha’s words as it has been preserved in ancient Pali language in countries where the Theravadin Buddhism exists. Since the purpose of meditation is to take us on an inward journey and communicate with our own self, the mind and body needs to calm down. Hence, physical activity, communication with others and debate is discouraged during those 10 days. Because teachers know that those who follow the technique and continue with the practice would find their own answers sooner or later.
Of course, I didn’t realise all this then. Now when I look back, I see myself as a young but ignorant learner, completely clueless about inward journey or self-development. It has taken me two decades to experience the value of vipassana and two other journeys that I started on (all take us to the same destination, even if they seem different at the start) have greatly helped me find answers. The latter ones being my Buddhist chanting practice and journey as a coach, which I started 19 and 7 years ago, respectively.
Even today, I am very much a work-in-progress, wanting to better myself as a human being, failing every moment, getting up again because Aham Brahamasmi.
Squadron leader Deepa Nailwal is first batch women officer, Indian Air Force currently working in the area of leadership development as assessor & coach. Views are personal.
(Edited by Anurag Chaubey)