The second wave of the coronavirus pandemic is now ebbing but the loss of April and May is irreparable. My wife had tested positive for Covid-19 on 10 April 2021, hospitalised on 15 April, and was put on ventilator support on 27 April, on which she remained till her last breath on 24 May. During this distressing phase, there was helplessness in all corners. As is the case of many citizens who lost their loved ones. Pain amplifies to see your loved ones dying alone, with no one around to hold their hand during their final moments, reduced to a vegetative state, they never got a chance to share their last wish. No one can ascertain if death came as a relief from the suffering or as a final punch of pain. During these difficult times, our faith in humanity never failed, thanks to many strangers who helped like if they were god-sent angels.
The trauma faced will never allow many of us to be the same again. While my wife was grappling with the virus, I, to whom she had devoted her life found myself incapacitated. All I could do was to see her die bit by bit. The so-called effort made to arrange money, medicines and praying rather than begging the almighty to spare her life in the end proved futile.
The drug drought
On 20 April, doctors asked us to arrange for remdesivir. I called up all chemists, hospitals, drug distributors of various companies, chief medical officer, DM’s office among others, but all in vain. After much struggle, I was told that the medicine was available in Delhi but to my horror multiple chemists refused as my wife was admitted in Noida and their orders were to give medicine only to Delhiites. A couple of days later, a similar story played out in Noida where a dealer refused to give remdesivir to a patient admitted in Delhi because of the ‘DM’s order’. It is difficult to explain the mental state, trauma and pain when you are denied a lifesaving drug because of such unbelievable orders.
Frustrated and desperate, I turned towards black marketeers but as luck would have it, no ‘help’ came from them either. As a last-ditch effort, I turned to social media. To my surprise, there were enough commoners who came forward to help. In fact, I was able to arrange four vials of the drug from different people and they refused to take a single penny.
On 30 April, I was asked to arrange for plasma and yet again it was a commoner who came to our family’s rescue and donated. The experience was the same while arranging other medicines such as moi-stir, posaconazole injection, among others. All this support came from people whom I had never met and do not expect to meet in future. They came forward without even an iota of self-interest. This proves that there are good people around and these angels surface as and when you need their support desperately. God bless them.
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The warriors who ease pain
Despite the pressure, doctors, nurses, and the cleaning staff did a stellar job. I could see a sense of frustration building up in them because of the lack of medicines, oxygen, rest and dealing with patient’s relatives. They were fighting a two-front war, one with the virus and the other with anxiety and fatigue, with their hands tied behind. Their contribution is second to none.
On 19 April, my wife’s oxygen saturation level dropped to 59 [the normal level is supposed to be 95+]. She was sinking and nothing seemed to improve her state. A young doctor struggled for nearly three hours to get her saturation to 88. I was later told that this doctor had come back from rest only because the patient needed undivided attention, which the doctor on duty could not have provided. In another kind gesture, an ICU staff got juice for her, paying from his own pocket. Then there was the nurse who called me at 06:45am on 27 April for me to speak to my wife as her condition deteriorated. This deviation from standard practice could’ve cost her the job but she chose her patient over the protocol. That phone call was the last time I spoke with my wife as at around 08:45am the same day, she was put on ventilator support to never recover. Such medical staff make the hospital journey less painful. I thank all these warriors from the bottom of my heart.
On 27 April, I reached the hospital at 07:15am but was not allowed to meet her as the protocol mandated, thus denying me the opportunity to talk to her in person for the last time. The pain of it will remain with me for rest of my life.
On 24 May, when she died, I was in the ICU near her lifeless body and could hear two nurses giggling. It was excruciating but I remained silent. Later, I realised that the hospital staff was witnessing death on a daily basis and still had to keep their motivation up to deal with the next patient. The high frequency of casualties had made some of them build a wall around them to cope with the situation.
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Private healthcare and govt’s response
Market forces are cruel and the business of healthcare is part of it. Profit-making continued in the pandemic. When the demand got higher than supply, various private hospitals, like any other business entity, took it as an opportunity. In quite a few cases, hospitals gave beds to people who could afford it and pay upfront. Hospital staff had their own reasons but it is impossible to negate the fact that getting upfront payment regularly improves the cash flow of any business and hospitals are no exception. The upfront payments left affected families from poor and middle-class drained of their savings even from the people who had the forethought of taking insurance. In cases such as mine, where we lost our loved ones, it was a double whammy.
We elect governments to ensure that they take care of the country and the citizens. People in power must manage both governance and politics judiciously. During the first wave, an absolute lockdown brought major difficulties for the middle and poor class. Later, it became evident that the lockdown was not a well-thought-out exercise. However, many of us stood by the government as the intent and messaging was right.
Just before the second wave hit India, the West was taking every step possible to ramp up vaccine production whereas our leaders lectured the world on India’s victory over the pandemic. Every minister and government institution hailed Prime Minister Narendra Modi for his leadership. No one had the farsightedness, courage or competence to take correct course of action based on learning from the experience of West. It was only when we started getting slaughtered by the invisible virus that the State came out of comatose to ramp up oxygen supply and start panic buying and producing of drugs. Wonder had these steps been taken earlier, how many lives could have been saved.
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The regrets
Like many, my wife died with regrets — of not seeing her children grow, graduate, marry, among many such unfulfilled wishes of life. These wishes along with her fighting spirit and will power made her fight for 40 days, 28 of those on a ventilator. Her brave fight makes me proud and I am privileged to be her husband.
It is impossible to tell if it was the virus, or the isolation of a hostile environment with beeping ventilators and emotionless strangers clad in protective kit, or a political system for which the life of the citizens is cheap and neglectable with impunity, or the stress of ballooning medical bills that brought her family to the brink of bankruptcy that became the major reason in her finally giving up the fight.
If there is god, they should allow my wife and all others like her who fell in the clutches of death to rest in peace. They suffered a lot and got a harrowing death, something we do not even wish on the enemy. I salute all those selfless heroes who stood up against all odds to help in whatever way they could. Their selfless acts made the pain a little less.
Author is a service professional with over two decades of experience in logistics industry. Views are personal.
(Edited by Anurag Chaubey)