After Rhea Chakraborty’s TV interviews and her subsequent arrest in a drug case, many people on social media have turned into ‘aunties’ and ‘uncles’. There are numerous posts and memes advising Rhea that she should not have fallen in love with a ‘problematic’ man. Then there are those which tell her how she should have taken care of him. The unspoken subtext is of course: How could she fall in love with a man suffering from depression and bipolar disorder? Should she not have considered his family before falling in love? How could she be with him even as he allegedly struggled with drugs?
All of a sudden, all the social media’s faux sociologists, economists, political commentators and experts on everything, have become Love Gurus. Indians’ penchant for arranged marriages is now beginning to show in the Rhea Chakraborty-Sushant Singh Rajput case, too. Everybody has a piece of advice when it comes to finding a suitable boy. Because, clearly, a woman just doesn’t have it in her to take the right decision. They are all little girls who must be fathered and mothered. And they are now turning Rhea Chakraborty’s case into a cautionary tale for who women should fall in love with.
The most discussed topic on social media today is: Whom should women love? But nobody wants to address the real questions: Is there an ideal man anywhere? And why can’t we accept vices and follies?
Kya Aap apni beti ko Reha banana chahte hain…Go for it…its really you choice. Make your daughter a drug addict…make your daughter a lady who fall in love with a person who is just triple in age…really you need a mental hospital to check whether there is mind??
— abhishek@vandematram (@Abhisaveindia) September 9, 2020
Also read: Sushant Singh Rajput forgotten, his death now all about Kangana Ranaut, Rhea Chakraborty
Doubting independent women
Behind all this collective moral policing lies the disapproval for the choices of an independent woman. Rhea offended patriarchy lovers when she wore a ‘Smash Patriarchy’ T-shirt on the day of her arrest. She offended them with her choice to live in a relationship with her boyfriend who was allegedly on drugs. She offended their morality when she allowed her boyfriend to smoke Ganja. Before all of this, she had offended his family by not letting him talk to them, as they alleged. Later, Sushant’s family also said that Rhea had siphoned money from his accounts and plotted his murder. The family was clearly saying that she was the wrong woman for Sushant.
In a way, Rhea managed to offend most Indians, and as a result she has been hounded and now finds herself behind the bars on charges of drug, which she allegedly procured for Sushant.
There are two interesting viewpoints that emerge from this chaotic situation. There are those who clearly believe that a woman loves a man for his money. Others are saying that a woman must think hard before falling in love with a man. What is under attack here, is a woman’s freedom to choose and decide.
This doesn’t stop here. People are going gaga over the cryptic posts of Sushant’s former partner Ankita Lokhande, in which, according to them, the actor pays homage to him and depicts herself as a mythical Viyogini (a woman separated from her lover). Wonder what they will say if they come to know about the details of her break-up with Sushant. Again, Ankita would have been held responsible for her choice of leaving Sushant, if indeed that was her decision.
Also read: Medusa to Rekha to Rhea — Women are always villains, because raja betas do no wrong
Where it all comes from
People have judged women and always tried to enforce their choices on them. Aishwarya Rai was criticised for falling in love with Salman Khan; Madhuri Dixit for marrying Dr. Sriram Nene; Malaika Arora was mocked for leaving husband Arbaz Khan and falling in love with Arjun Kapoor; Karishma Kapoor was labelled a gold digger for leaving Abhishek Bachchan and marrying Sanjay Kapoor; Sridevi was mocked for marrying Boney Kapoor; Smriti Irani was criticised for snatching her friends’ husband away. The list is endless.
It seems that in popular notion women always work in nefarious ways and indulge into sinister plots to usurp men or destroy them. Whereas successful, rich and powerful men are considered gullible in the matters of heart and they are sacrificed at the altar of love created by black magic of women. Many women, too, act as footsoldiers of patriarchy and support this.
Even in mythology, people have tried to dictate women and their choices. Lord Ram reformed Ahalya who was lying as a stone for thousands of years. It is said that Indra had a sexual relationship with Ahalya — he impersonated her husband Gautam Rishi to deceive the couple. However, when the old sage came to know about it, he cursed both of them. But why did he curse Ahalya?
Also read: Bihari Sushant, Bengali Rhea, Himachali Kangana — region key in political row on actor death
Whom should a woman love?
It seems that the society wants only servile women who are portrayed in Hindi Varnmala books as ‘औ से औरत’. Even today, in most Indian families, a woman doing daily household chores would run away to a corner of her house when a male steps on to the verandah. They should not make a choice of loving a man without the family’s blessing. That’s why people do not resent the arranged marriage of a woman with a murderer, but if she falls in love with a murderer then it goes against all social norms. The wife of one of the Nirbhaya rapists fell on the floor and wept her heart out when her husband was sentenced to death, as her relatives looked on silently.
That’s why there are always juicy stories doing the rounds about the love life of Indira Gandhi. An alleged chapter titled ‘She’ from Jawaharlal Nehru’s personal secretary M.O. Mathai’s 1978 book Reminiscences of the Nehru Age has been circulated to malign her image. Even if true, how could her choice on ‘who to love’ become a reason for character assassination? If true, isn’t it a symbol of an independent woman’s choice of a relationship? But similar scrutiny of male politicians is conspicuously absent. For men, relationships are badges of honour. But for women, they often turn out to be an agnipariksha (or the test of character) for which they will be judged and expected to pass it.
If a man makes a ‘wrong’ choice, he will be defended by saying that he fell in trap of a vishkanya. But if a woman makes a choice, the choice itself will be labelled as wrong. If her choice turns out to be a successful man, then she will be a gold digger. If the man falls into misfortune, then she is to be blamed. Don’t forget how Anushka Sharma was blamed when Virat Kohli was going through a lean patch between the wickets.
It appears that people are unconsciously following the ‘Mangal graha in Kundali’ logic, according to which, a woman is responsible for the fall of a man, always. That seems to be the only explanation for numerous thesis attributed to how a woman should behave. An independent woman negates all those norms. So, she can be branded as a witch in case something goes wrong. Rhea Chakraborty is no exception to this cultural trope.
Views are personal.
The author and editor should check facts before writing an article. I will never read The Print again. This is such a lousy article and very biased.
Rhea was involved in drug cartel since 2017 – a long time much before she started dating SSR – the accessed drug chats date back to 2017 – SSR was in relationship with Ankita Lokhande back then. In 2017 for whom had she been procuring these stuff The Print – can u please elaborate on this in your blind article – the way other media houses are targeting her passing their own judgement – in the same way I can see your article too is giving a lame conclusion – SSR wasn’t the right choice for Rhea ? Are you also not following the same footsteps as the other mainstream media giving your own verdict ? ? ? Ok I agree to your article stated facts – but does in pure love does a partner push their loved ones towards such a sinister path- encourage him to get deeply involved into it knowing it very well that it would gradually destroy him OR try her level best to bring him back to the right track – Rhea might be taking him to the doctor’s but on other hand she kept on providing him those drugs if her claims are to be believed? Then what’s the purpose to take him to the doctor? all in vain ? Stop practising one- sided journalism through such rubbish articles.
I don’t believe that posting such article is going to change the real truth behind all this fuss.This matter is not about “feminism” someone’s life has been taken away and all we are doing is supporting someone who took advantage of her innocent boyfriend.We all know that she took drugs and even gave it to her boyfriend knowing the fact that she is not supposed to do so legally or morally.Instead of helping him out of the situation by either informing his parents about it or by helping him out by herself through medications or through other things she gave a damn and gave him drugs in an inappropriate amount.She even restricted him from communicating with his family.She totally isolated him from the world.HOW IS THAT NOT WRONG?Talking about NIRBHAYA CASE YES OF COURSE THE RAPIST HAD TO DIE WHETHER OR NOT HIS WIFE PLEADED OR BEGGED FOR HER HUSBAND’S LIFE.Someone’s life has been taken away and we all are wasting our time in debating about unnecessary issues.Instead of catching the real culprit we all are bringing up these issues which are totally not related to this matter.Even I am a girl and I know how narrow minded out society is.I know how women are blamed for everything but this matter has nothing to do with it.
Seriously? You just choose to ignore that she had been a part of a drug raket for a very long time?
DEALING IN DRUGS IS A CRIME, NO MATTER WHAT EXCUSE YOU GIVE OR FOR WHOMSOEVER YOU ARE DOING IT OR EVEN IF YOU ARE DOING IT FOR THE SAKE OF “LOVE”.
So Ms. Jyoti, is it wrong to expect some one to take right decision, how many wrong decision did she not make, ok tell me one right decision from rhea,rather giving paid article why can’t you try and think. I won’t say she selected wrong guy, but when she says he was depressed,she fulfilled his wishes for drug’s, that too in huge qty, she needed common sense only for that to do right thing. Why not inform Family on the seriousness, why did not she give medical file, and when he had panic attack why leave suddenly? Why not call anyone at his home or flat mates when she got news?? what stopped her. Why accusing only SSR for drug’s when clearly she also took it, it’s Sad that just coz someone is not alive you put all blame on him. Clearly she did not make wise decision, distanced family and friends..let her prove it otherwise. Stop this fake FEMENISM, if she is in jail that is due to her involvement and solid proof.
Very well said.
The Print Peddling for a drug peddler. Wow. no moral compass.
Like an ‘adarniya abala nari’, she procured banned substances for her man. This was a grown up woman making her own free choice. And then, when caught in her own web, she turned around and cried ‘smash patriarchy’. Bravo!
Well written article.. all true about the society. Imagine an ex girlfriend ankita asking on social media, should rhea who loved sushant have allowed him to smoke marijuana? Procured it for sushant ? She is so wrong for it jail her!
It’s cringeworthy ! Ankita has no education on depression or marijuana legal in 36 countries for medical reasons. That jibe. Taking india back to stone age.
Rhea is innocent and this girl we pray is unbroken from this psycho witchhunt on her. Love and power to rhe
Fake victimhood, bogus arguments, fake article.
Absolutely. We all are responsible for the society.We should do our part to give a better message not to argue to proof ourself right
To understand patriarchy you have to understand feudal mindset. In feudal set up men rigorously works in the field whole days and dies in the battlefield whenever war happens. Women has relatively much sheltered existence. Hence position of women is subservient to man. In industrialised set up man and increasing doing the same work but old habits die hard. Dominance once gained is difficult to give up. India is still a land of feudal mindset and remain so for another 1000 years.
Whole day, man and woman
How ridiculous PRINT! Rhea was the wrong choice for Sushant and not the other way. Despite all evidence you are supporting the wrong person. Sushant was the people’s choice actor and had a great potential. Very intelligent, talented and a philanthropist. He had joined films in 2013 and made a mark in a short span . People were jealous of him and did all possible thing to demoralize him and finally he is no more. How cruel and malicious the world is to show such malice against a person who is no more. God will be the leveller. I have tremendous faith in the almighty. I will support Sushant Singh Rajput despite your devious attempt to tarnish his image. My prayers for SSR. May justice prevail and may the dishonest ,immortal people bite the dust.
inadvertently, the family’s allegations have justified the earlier point that SSR was troublesome and industry big-wigs stayed away. Today, his girlfriend, his colleagues, his friends and even his cook are in trouble!
The author is the same person who said when girl friend comes into life of person, he should forget his parents. Looks like she is so obsessed with culprit. Birds of the same feather flock together.
Nothing written in the article can justify Rhea purchasing drugs on behalf of her lover boy and in fact encouraging his alleged addiction and in effect causing aggravations in his mental state. What kind of love is this? No matter what the author of this article states, I view live-in relation as strictly short-term, whereas the married wife would always have a long term view and would never, barring a few exceptions, encourage addictions of her husband. Furthermore, a married wife would enjoy all the rights of inheritance, a live-in partner is without any rights whatsoever. And this conclusion is based on the liberal assumption that whatever Rhea has stated is factual. If the assumption is not true, Rhea is in for greater trouble. What has she gained by the relationship.? Young girls need to take this into account and desist from going into short-term relationships without any application of mind. This will not, in my view, contribute to a healthy society.
PP Ji…. yes you are right, your type is always right.
But your calm chauvinism is confusing. So: if live in is inherently short term and without a wife’s rights ( totally correct re Indian society), then why should live in have any responsibility to mental state and alleged other addiction of lover boy – full grown man that, until proof emerged, everyone was denying had any mental trouble?
Would your attitude work in reverse gender also? If the suicide had been the girl?
the whole Rhea Chakraborthy issue is a frame-up .The case is a hoax.It is only misguided officers in PMO who started this futile excercise when narender modi cried out that he feels very sad on sushant’s suicide as sushant was a good TV star.thereafter the overzelousness knew no bounds.The case was given various colours just because prime minister took a fancy for sushant.nothing more. everybody knows film stars take to drugs etc when they turn out failures.Sushant was not a successful star.he could not reach dizzy heights like amitabh bachan or salman khan.He was depressed,broke and had no money to pay his cook’s salary.Morever he had not much roles either and whatever he had ,there was no money in it.Please try to help that poor Rhea chakraborthy.
Get uncles from gulf to help her with money and drugs.
Do you have any shame in you? Who is this everybody ? And your claim aboud Sushant not being successful is a bloody joke. So get your facts right. And if you have nothing good to say, then I’d say shut the hell up.