It is rather amusing how in every India-Pakistan ‘comments’ fight on YouTube, Twitter and Facebook, the jibe is always at the Indians — how they use cow dung or cow urine. But now tables have turned. It is not just India under Prime Minister Narendra Modi that is obsessed with cows. Pakistan too, under Prime Minister Imran Khan, can’t stop talking about the bovine animal. Victor Hugo said, “No force on earth can stop an idea whose time has come.” The idea is how to extract what you can from the cow. The idea has landed in Pakistan and after several decades of being milked by its own ‘holy cows’, it is indeed time to turn things around.
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A ‘revolution’ is in the works
There have been enough forecasts to suggest where Pakistan stands in terms of the economic crisis it faces today. But throw away the gloom and doom for apna time aa gaya. PM Khan has announced that a revolution is in the works. How? With the help of cows. How else did you think?
The sweeter-than-honey brother China will help Pakistani cows to give milk six times more than they do now. With that, who could stop rivers of milk from flowing in our country? Buses powered by gobar and cows giving milk more than ever recorded in history. You see how everything is not lost after all. Those who never cow down, make history. Cow dung will save the day for Pakistan. In fact, Pakistan’s Minister of State for Climate Change Zartaj Gul has already taken the baton from PM Khan and is now proposing to power buses with cow dung, that too with zero emission.
‘The opposition is chor, these corrupt people need to be taught a lesson’. ‘I will not give NRO (relief from corruption cases) to them’. A big yawn whenever I hear any of these lines, for I have now heard them so many times.
Things have been rather dull the last few weeks, especially on the political landscape — except Pakistan being asked to pay money abroad in lost court battles. Pakistan’s State assets — the Pakistan International Airlines Investment Ltd-owned Roosevelt Hotel in New York and the Scribe Hotel in Paris — are on the verge of seizure. In sync has come the confiscation of a PIA plane in Malaysia due to non-payment of lease. Just wait, there is some light at the end of the barn.
If hunting and ‘gifting’ endangered Houbara Bustards to Arab royals qualifies as foreign policy, then cows can be solely trusted to solve Pakistan’s economic problems.
PM Khan claims that cows in China and Holland yield three to four times more milk than their Pakistani counterparts. However, cattle owners counter the Prime Minister’s claim that Pakistani cows give just six litres of milk per session. They say some local varieties give up to 22 litres in a single session and, hence, about 44 litres in a day. Do Pakistani cows have performance issues?
Let’s talk about the cow inqalab now or remain silent forever. This stuff is more serious than the wedding vows.
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The grand gobar plan
So, what’s Zartaj Gul’s plan? Unique, unheard and something that will get the country’s undivided attention for sure. The same minister who told us, not too long ago, that credit of rains and snowfall in Naya Pakistan goes to PM Imran Khan. There is some cow dung available in Karachi’s Bhains Colony, something that forced her to make a policy statement on the future of running buses in Karachi. But why stop at buses? I suggest if this works, then electricity should also be generated with cow dung. There won’t ever be a dark day in our lifetime.
پشاور میں ایکو فرینڈلی ڈبل فیول انجشکن ٹربو،
(ھائیبرڈ دھکا + گوبر )کا پہلا کامیاب تجربہ۔
انٹرنیشنل میڈیا میں کھلبلی ۔😆🖐#BRT pic.twitter.com/YPF9w0Re7d
— Ali Axhar 📎 (@ali_axhar) February 2, 2021
This can be Pakistan’s year of the cow. And why not? After all the cow is our last hope to a revolution that will eventually free us from the debts of the world.
Since August 2018, there have been other minor revolutions in the making — like olive revolution or the charas and bhang revolution or even the honey revolution. But nothing like the one involving cow, milk, and dung. It is an open secret that Khan government is fascinated with cows, buffaloes, calves, sheep, chicken and their eggs. Not that livestock was discovered today, but by the talk of it in Islamabad, it does sound the same.
There is now a need for all political parties in Pakistan to make special mention of their cow policy in their manifestos so that the voters (if allowed to vote) can choose between their favourite cow leaders. Or even better would be declare cow as the national animal of Pakistan. After all, corrupt opposition leaders can’t be milked by Khan, so let’s stick to milking cows.
The author is a freelance journalist from Pakistan. Her Twitter handle is @nailainayat. Views are personal.
Loved naila’s take as always by the way another revolution has been announced by Pak PM this time Molvis bringing intellectual revolution. Mufti Qavi for Hareem Shah fame can lead the new revolution
Pak has better sense of humour than us dour Indians!
Imran Khan wakes up every day with a new revolution in his head. The idea is lost on him that national economies aren’t built on hen, eggs, bhains and honeybees.
Pakistan do have very good breeds of cows like the Red Sindhi and Sindhi Sahiwal , which are very close to Gir breed. In entire lactation period they give 3500 to 5000 litres of milk.
I hope there is pun intended. Because if implemented and acted upon, this actually has a very good chance of working. There are already areas in Europe where streetlights are bring made operational with dog poo that people just put there if their dog excretes during a walk. If this idea works, you might have egg, rather gobar, on your face.
Fake news – Indian disinformation campaign against its neighbor?
WAste of time article. Please do better.
No amount of satire or mockery expressed through essays and/or editorials would be enough to describe the state of Pakistan.
India went to a lot of trouble to import foreign cows. Those Jerseys and Holsteins and whatever are pretty ugly compared to our Asiatic-Africsn varieties, our dear matas. And the milk these foreign cows give is a sort that leads to all sorts of disease and problems. Honestly. (I am not a cow urine drinker sort.) Westerners are keeping sort of quiet about Type A and Type B cows and milk. Ours are the right kind. Theirs are not.
Moreover, we imported these ugly and poisonous monsters for their milk production. Dr Kurien and others went to a lot of trouble. Of which acclimatisation was not the least. All totally unnecessary. There is a faraway country which has had Indian cows for centuries, taken by the early Portuguese. Brazil. And guess what. Since these people have no Mataji scruples any cow that’s ubder par for milk oroduction gets eaten first. Survival of the milkiest. The world champion cow is descended from the major Gujurati breed (India has 28 cow varieties). It gices an average of 130 litres a day.
That’s what Pakistan should import. And no acclimatisation problem. And Pakistanis would be pleased to have something nice out of Gujurat so many years after the mahatma.
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