In the Rahul vs Modi battle, why Shobhaa De would choose duffer over demagogue

Prime Minister Narendra Modi | Suhaimi Abdullah/Getty Images

Between Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi, Shobhaa de prefers a genuine dil ki dhadkan over a fake mann ki baat.

I don’t give a damn who becomes the next Prime Minister of India – Rahul Gandhi or Narendra Modi.

But I do care that India gets its groove back. A groove based on basic humanity, plain decency, and essential levels of tolerance. I vastly prefer a genuine dil ki dhadkan over a fake mann ki baat.

For that, I am willing to settle for a duffer over a demagogue.

At this point, I really don’t care whether Rahul Gandhi is a duffer or a genius. Yup, my desperation levels are so dangerously high, I am afraid they just may breach the emotional dam and flood my overwrought life, sweeping logic and judgement away. While Narendra Modi is urging us – yes, us – not to “spread dirt over social media” (bilkul nahi, Modiji, we are committed to keeping Bharat swachh), our Dimpled Darling (watch out, Taimur, you have competition!) is off to Beijing. I am sure the foodie in him will find the time to shuck into the most historic landmark in that great city. No, no … not Tiananmen Square (he may find it difficult to pronounce), but the equally renowned Peking duck restaurant, frequented by visiting heads of state (in Rahul’s head, he is that). The duck served is spectacularly good. And who knows, he may run into a world-famous personality there. Not Donald Trump. May be Cardi B or Nick J (with or without Priyanka, his fiancée, silly, not Rahul’s sister).

Then on to Mansarovar (again, a tough one to pronounce for him! Damn – why can’t his minders find places with easy names for him to visit – like Capri?). Is Rahul ready to climb that mountain? He has enough practice on ski slopes remember. Mount Kailash and Mont Blanc are not all that different. And a little effort is definitely required, as his team often says, if Rahul wants to get to the top of the heap.

All these adventures take time and a lot of prepping. Rahul will be away for a fortnight. But, he had assured the faithful flock at home that he will only undertake this arduous journey to the top of Mount Kailash (he will be taking a chopper, but let’s not spoil the drama) once he’s done with the Karnataka elections. So sweet and considerate. That’s our boy – always thinking of others.

But Hubli trumped hubris. During that terrifying moment, “Ain’t no mountain high enough” popped up on Rahul’s playlist. And voila! Kailash Mansarovar it had to be.

Here’s a small quiz: Do you remember the name of the topper from your class in school? The person who always maxed every paper and came first? No? Neither do I. But, who can forget the class duffer? The one who just about managed to scrape through and dimpled his/her way out of trouble? Nobody expected the duffer to do well in life. The duffer was always taken for granted, and the seat at the back of the class was automatically reserved for this loser.

Well. Aha! Decades later, classmates were gobsmacked to see the same duffer hitting the headlines. What? Really? Same duffer? But how is it even possible? Well, lots of crazy things are possible. They happen when nobody is looking. The duffer suddenly becomes a somebody! All the classmates who once laughed at the dunce now wanted to claim “close, personal friendship”. Sure, why not?

Something similar is happening with Rahul Gandhi.

Hold it: Cut to the school bully. The one who tormented other kids and became Head Boy eventually after sucking up to the Head Master. The same chap who let loose a reign of terror, spied on classmates, intimidated the weaklings, and carried on like the entire school was his private property. Guess what happened to him? One fine day, all the other students decided they’d had enough and exposed him for what he was – a morally compromised megalomaniac. He sulked and sulked and retired hurt, vowing to fix his opponents some day. His hectoring had finally caught up with him.

Something similar may happen to Narendra Modi.

Meanwhile, Pappu has taken off his dunce cap. And people across India are listening to what he is saying. One may or may not agree with his viewpoint (I mean, those unwarranted comments about 1984?).

But citizens are willing to concede they may have underestimated the man. Rahul is finally getting something right. After years of getting it horribly wrong. Perhaps, he is saying and doing stuff more intuitively – and it sure is working. Big time. Citizens are sick of being manipulated and misled by leaders who confuse oratory skills with overall efficiency. With all his compounded sins of commission and omission, Rahul Gandhi still comes through as a likeable fella with his heart in the right place. I am a sucker for people with well-located hearts.

Shobhaa De is a columnist, social commentator, journalist and opinion-shaper. She has authored 20 books.