Unlike Virushka, Deep-Veer gave you all the details about their wedding beforehand and yet you failed.
I have a sincere request to the Indian media. Kindly don’t return from Lake Como. Instead, just jump into it.
You haven’t brought us one decent picture from the Deep-Veer wedding yet. Now the damn marriage is almost over and we, the discerning celeb wedding hungry janta of the republic of Bollywood, deserve better than this. This makes it two big failures in a row.
For all the sources you claim to have in the world, forget being present, you didn’t even know about Virushka’s wedding in Italy. Even the couple was pretty embarrassed by your inept handling of their wedding and finally resorted to leaking their wedding pictures through Instagram handles. For the first five minutes everyone thought it was a nicely shot Manyavar ad.
Also read: Ranveer Singh & Deepika Padukone wedding has finally edged out breathless Rafale debates
This time, some of us genuinely thought that you have finally got your act together and would supply the celeb marriage addicts some good star-wedding dope. And man, how you failed. It’s like Ranveer and Deepika almost challenged you. Unlike Virushka, Deep-Veer gave you all the details about their wedding beforehand and yet you failed miserably.
Truth be told, I’m now genuinely concerned about the fourth estate. I have developed severe trust issues over your professional capabilities and holding the powers that be accountable for their actions. Because, how can I expect you to unearth big scams in future if you couldn’t cultivate contacts and sources in a little Italian town (for the second time) to get me a few exclusive pictures from a damn wedding.
Thanks to you, I also hit a new low in my life. In my quest for some serious wedding goss, I fell for at least 10 clickbaity articles in a span of two hours today. And, it’s a shame because these were stories published by some of the most reputed news organisations.
India Today story had the headline – ‘First pics from Ranveer and Deepika wedding venue at Lake Como in Italy’. Boom, I clicked on it thinking some gutsy journo had risked his life to get us these pictures. But what did I get? An amateurishly framed picture of one of the gates at the venue. And not one, but three unsightly pictures of an empty parking lot outside the venue. Of which two were photos of a board placed in the parking lot that read: ‘No parking here from 11th Nov to 15th Nov’. So, Sherlock lost his mind because he deduced that these dates also coincide with Deep-Veer’s wedding.
Also read: Why Italy is the perfect wedding destination for Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh
At this point the media were so badly out of content that the next headline I clicked on read, “Deepika and Ranveer wedding in Lake Como: Total cost and inside details”. The article was just cost calculation based on the prices available on the internet: Rs 33,000 per room, multiplied by 75 rooms and seven days a week adds to Rs 1,73,25,000. The writer must have thought, “Screw Pulitzer, I might just win a Fields Medal in Mathematics”.
Let me burst that bubble for you. You really think a south Indian father would agree to be a part of a wedding party that spends close to Rs 2 crore on hotel rooms? I’m south Indian and I know for a fact that Prakash uncle would have first checked out the room prices on the resort’s website, and then gone to Trivago looking for the best deal. He would have then applied a coupon code ‘SAVEMYMONEY’ during check-out to get at least 40 per cent off on the entire booking. Then, he would have got in touch with ‘Lake Como Konkani Association’, and spoken to Shenoy uncle to see if he knew anyone at the resort. Shenoy uncle would have then spoken to his contact at the resort to ensure they got complimentary breakfast for all guests.
So going forward, I don’t think I’m ever going to trust any media house that puts out a figure to a scam. Perhaps, you have fooled me into believing that the 2G scam was worth several lakh crores of rupees. Or worse, you have been fooled.
I can’t fathom this is the same media that used spycams in the early 2000s to catch Bangaru Laxman accept a bribe of just Rs 1 lakh. Couldn’t you at least bug the hotel with bluetooth mics for us? Because come on, this is Ranveer Singh’s wedding. The guy is so outrageous that you may have picked up bytes like his mom shouting, “NO RANVEER. YOU CANNOT WEAR DEEPIKA’S LEHENGA FOR YOUR WEDDING”. Or Prakash uncle saying, “Why are you trying to elope with my daughter da. We have all agreed for this wedding.”
Also read: Has Instagram changed the way Indians consume big fat celebrity weddings?
Some of you went all the way to Italy to dupe me into clicking on stuff like, “Deepika and Ranveer are staying at this Lake Como resort. Inside pics!” A Times Now article said, “VIRAL! Check out all inside photos from Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh’s Konkani wedding at Lake Como”. First, I like your confidence. You have assumed the picture has gone viral. And second, there were no inside photos at all. All of them were pictures from outside the resort. These photos were taken from a distance so far away that in the pixelated pictures Prakash Padukone almost looked like Pullela Gopichand.
NDTV uploaded random pictures of a wedding venue on its website with the headline, “Are these pics from inside Deepika Padukone, Ranveer Singh’s wedding venue? So pretty”. How does this pass off as reporting? You are asking your reader to vet stories for you. This is citizen journalism gone rogue. Tomorrow I’m sure we will wake up to headlines like, “Are these pics of a 3000-ft Modi statue being inaugurated by Modi himself? So pretty!”
All is not lost yet. I plead with the media to pull up their socks, bend over backwards and deliver beyond expectations on 28 November during Deep-Veer’s Mumbai reception. Place cameras in paneer if you have to, but get us some real inside stuff to satiate our thirst for these big weddings. Our lives are boring and low budget. We need something to talk about. And this is no ordinary wedding. This is the wedding where the couple’s sangeet rehearsals involved three Sanjay Leela Bhansali movies.
The author is a sketch comedy writer. Follow him on Facebook, Twitter (@devaiahPB), and Instagram (@devaiah.bopanna).
Hilarious!! indeed the headlines and the pics were so misleading and did not satiate the hunger of the Indian fans minds…
I devoured the whole piece with a big grin on my face..perfectly echoed our emotions!
Amazingly framed …u got real humour ???? !!
Sarcasm at its peak ???????????? ” jahanpanaah tussi great ho ” !!
Best sarcasm binge ever! Thank you from all corners of my heart ❤ And those people leaving adult-like, serious comments – get a life.
I like the writing style. Loved the tongue in cheek humour 😀
Awesome article ..so apt
loved ur wiity take !
Bloody awesome, gut-splitting funny…you’ve got a fan here 🙂
Who wrote this ?A 2 year old? What rubbish.
Respected Writer of this post,
If you are not aware, DeepVeer just announced their marriage and did not invite more than 4 people from the industry to attend their wedding because they need some privacy and wanted just their closest friends and family members to be there. Please check the number of people invited to their wedding. So it’s evident that they wanted to keep this a Personal affair. There is quote which goes as “Let them know about your relationship but nothing about it” I think that’s apt for DeepVeer. Secondly, the Indian media might be behind all the “masala and gossip” but they do respect someone’s request for privacy when it comes to something so personal such as marriage. But I assure you that they won’t disappoint you when it comes to posting pictures and boombarding your timeline once the couple is back in town. Till then why do you try to get some clicks for all their dear fans??
Ps: I really Appreciate the sarcasm that you have used in this post but do remember that the journalist or the members of Indian media Fraternity work day and night under all circumstances just to make sure that the public gets all the updates and latest news so do respect that as well. And like someone said, their wedding is not just the only thing that matters to the Media. 🙂
Enjoyed the piece. Some great lines. Let’s see how the boys will defend themselves.
Who cares…No one’s complaining except a few nosy idiots
Do you people have no respect for someone’s privacy? Sonam had no problem sharing their day with people hence they invited the media as well. But Deepika ranveer weren’t comfortable. That’s their choice. So instead of blaming media for not spoiling someone’s special day by intruding their privacy, it would be better if you let them live.
This article was only for the people who have a pinch of salt in their toothpaste. You could’ve skipped 😀
@Devaiahbp, I forgot everything after reading this piece of writing. I just loved and loved your sense of humour and sarcasm.????
Just because the media is so much into it, they are overreacting! Give them their time when they feel nobody is bothering about the wedding, they themselves will upload or put some shit up! We all should get a life and do our jobs and news agency should genuinely focus on logical news and not his marriage and her marriage, there are definitely many things happening currently other than these!
Don’t give much thunder to them , theyare celebs if they have to survive they create something new everyday! Lots if love to the writer! ❤️
So so so funny.
Who cares? They’ll upload it later anyway
One thought the whole idea of going to Lake Como was to give the paparazzi a miss.