Ek Kachori. Do Samosa. Do kebab. Ek Biryani. Ek Sandwich. Do cake. The power of catchy slogans is galvanising students across the country.
They are vociferously demanding fundamental rights as protests continue to shake up the complacent establishment and disrupt daily life. Clips of a smug, smiling police officer mocking students and the media by refusing to respond to questions are symbolic of how short-sighted the Delhi cops can be when they ought to know better.
Drowning out pointed questions by blowing whistles in unison and closing in on protesters agitating against women being unlawfully detained after 6 pm displays unbridled arrogance and boorishness. Women journalists being sexually assaulted and harassed by senior cops is by far the most revolting aspect of the government’s response.
All this to protect one man? Come on, Chief Election Commissioner Sirji… you must know your fate by now? Just go! But Gyanesh Kumar is just Gyanesh Kumar; he will go when his bosses order him to quit. Till then, the ek samosa, do kachori agitation will rule. And win.
Bring out the memoirs
Sach Kahun Toh was the cheeky title of Neena Gupta’s charming memoir. But, sach kahun toh, there is a serious paucity of meaty memoirs out of Bollywood. Given the size and diversity of India’s movie industry, memoirs, biographies and autobiographies are comparatively few in number. Whereas Hollywood churns out readable, punchy, informative memoirs that enjoy a successful commercial run and sell steadily across the world.
Our stars lead as colourful a life as their Western counterparts, but play coy when it comes to baring it all. Most literary efforts are pheeka, thanda and boring, given that the masala has been kept out. Nobody wants a goody-goody, sanitised version of a flamboyant film star’s life! Will the shift happen?
When will we get a hard-hitting, truthful, readable, quotable memoir penned by a Bollywood biggie?
Shefali Shah is about to launch The Audacity of Being. Given her background, I’m hoping for something I can bite into and enjoy. The only Bollywood memoir in recent years that has been worth keeping in the library is Naseeruddin Shah’s forthright, blunt, and deliciously opinionated And Then One Day, which took readers along with its candor and fine writing. Most of the other efforts have been washouts, including Priyanka Chopra’s tepid account of her amazing life, titled Unfinished. Catchy title. Great jacket. But no real substance.
To brag a bit, Karan Johar’s An Unsuitable Boy, which was published under my imprint by Penguin Books, was a runaway success, mainly because it stayed true to his voice. It was not just courageous and out there, but it also provided candid behind-the-scenes glimpses of how Bollywood functions. I chased Madhuri Dixit for months for her book rights – what a story. But no go. Now her husband, Dr. Shriram Nene, is coming out with his book titled 21 Days to Good Health this weekend. Good luck, doc.
Getting a movie star to sign up for a no-holds-barred memoir poses a huge publishing challenge. Often it can take years of persuasion to build the required rapport and trust. Let’s remember one thing: in India, it’s not about the money. Publishers offer paltry advances, and Bollywood memoirs rarely sell in the sort of numbers that justify the monumental efforts. Even so, publishers are willing to chase major and minor stars in the hope that they will strike gold. The stars are indifferent and do not recognise the value of headlining a book. Some of them demand astronomical sums as an advance and expect unrealistic royalties.
Others refuse to market their own book unless they get paid for publicising it! Frankly, a busy star gains nothing by agreeing to a book deal even if it is being ghostwritten by a professional. The hours involved in granting interviews, checking proofs and going on promotional road shows are way too many. Besides, movie folks are incorrigible megalomaniacs. They want worship. Adulation. Exaggeration. Deception. Hell, yes – they want to come out smelling of roses!
Which is why those drippy, syrupy hagiographies end up getting pulped after selling a couple of thousand copies. Now that bare-all podcasts with stars have taken over the uncensored chronicling of Bollywood lives, there are no secrets left. Everything is khullam khulla. Dirty linen gets washed all the time, with stars of yesteryear (Mumtaz, for example), happily dissing contemporaries, while sticking to a whitewashed version of their own lives.
When star narratives are accessible for free, why bother with a book? Despite such a discouraging scenario, do look out for a few highly anticipated movie star memoirs that are in the works: Simi Garewal’s autobiography Tales Untold sounds promising. So does Sharmila Tagore’s. Lillete Dubey is busy writing hers. So is Shabana Azmi. And rumours insist Madame Re is finally ready to tell all! Rekha’s book is the ultimate publishing coup. Go for it, Re. Mr Bachchan may leave town.
Naseeruddin Shah has never given a damn about popularity. Which is why his book is so good. If only there were more like Naseer ready to write their stories minus filters. ‘Dost Dost Na Raha, Pyar Pyar Na Raha’ was sung by Mukesh in Sangam (1964). That can easily be the title of any no-holds-barred memoir written by a Bollywood star. So far, nobody has dared to go there. Till then, let’s make do with air-brushed versions.
Also read: Shirt off, chivalry on—Salman Khan at 60 is now India’s Number One Feminist
Last sizzle of KWK
It’s official, folks. Koffee with Karan in its final season has been announced by the host, and fans are impatiently waiting for the combos to be announced. Here’s hoping the 20th season will sizzle. Who wants to watch the usual suspects exhaustedly going through the ritual while trotting out the same old lines? How about resurrecting and reinventing the format by getting combustible guests to share the couch?
Here’s my wish list:
1. Vijay Mallya and Nirav Modi
2. SRK and Priyanka Chopra Jonas
3. Hrithik Roshan and Kangana Ranaut
4. Salman Khan and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan
5. Shashi Tharoor and Lalit Modi
6. Ranveer Singh and Anushka Sharma
7. Ranbir Singh and Maheera Khan
8. Amitabh Bachchan and Zeenat Aman
Come on, Karan, you can do the impossible. Forget nepo kids. Just stick to OGs. And for the finale, who else but you and Simi Garewal, simpering on the couch?
Shobhaa De is an author, columnist, social commentator, and opinion-shaper. She has written 20 books. She tweets @DeShobhaa. Views are personal.
(Edited by Ratan Priya)
Romancing with life. Dev Anand’s autobiography. Enjoyed it. Presented a copy to my father in law. Both men impossibly in love with themselves.