New Delhi: The separation of 2016-batch IAS officers Tina Dabi and Athar Amir Khan, who tied the knot just two years ago, has brought the focus on marriages of young civil servants who begin their courtships while in training at the Lal Bahadur Shastri National Academy of Administration (LBSNAA) in Mussoorie.
The marriage of Dabi and Khan, who secured the first and second ranks, respectively, in the 2016 UPSC exam, was inarguably the most talked-about, with the likes of Vice-President Venkaiah Naidu, former Lok Sabha speaker Sumitra Mahajan, and Union minister Ravi Shankar Prasad attending their wedding in 2018. However, there have been over 70 marriages among officers in the last three years alone, according to officials in the Department of Personnel and Training (DoPT).
“There could be an upward trend in the number of marriages among officers in the last few years, but it is not a new trend for sure,” said a senior DoPT official. “Over the years, with more women also coming into the civil services, the numbers have increased, but marriages among officers have existed since decades.”
From social prestige to similar professional experiences and pressures, from consolidating power to getting more promising cadres, the reasons why civil servants pick colleagues as life partners are several. But the road ahead is anything but smooth, say those in the field.
Similar pressures can often lead to tension rather than understanding, and similar experiences and career prospects can turn into ego battles, they add.
And the promise of the same cadre does not take away the years of long-distance or “weekend marriages”, as officers can seldom be in the same district even if they are in the same state.
Also Read: In IAS training academy, women civil servants are seen by male colleagues as husband-hunters
Finding one’s match
Explaining the phenomenon of marriages among officers, S.P. Singh, a retired UP cadre IAS officer of the 1982 batch, said “People come to LBSNAA at the age 27-30 on average. This is the time when most people are seeking matches. At LBSNAA, people feel their career path is clear, they have settled professionally, and they are of the eligible age, so they seek matches within the academy.
“It’s also a function of the fact that a fellow officer is seen as more or less equally competent, so there is a professional parity of sorts,” he added.
D. Roopa, an IPS officer of the Karnataka cadre who is married to IAS officer Manish Moudgil, added another dimension to Singh’s argument.
“It is true that people are seen as more or less equally competent so there is parity, but for women, it becomes particularly helpful if their spouse belongs to the civil service because then there is at least some understanding of the work pressures, which then eases out the social expectations placed upon them,” she said.
Yet, the phenomenon of women seeking husbands who are professionally and economically better off than them is found in the civil services as well, added Roopa.
“Most of the marriages happen between women from services like the railways to IAS-IPS men because it is so ingrained in women to seek ‘superior’ partners… But you will rarely see the reverse,” she said. “The provider mentality is as present among civil servants as among anyone else.”
Marriages become trickier when they are among IAS officers or between IAS and IPS officers, Roopa added. Several other officers echoed the claim, adding that postings in different districts and high pressures can often result in discord.
These marriages are also a bit of a headache for the government, which needs to redo the painstaking task of cadre allocation when IAS, IPS and IFS officers choose to get married to each other, in order to ensure that the couple remains in the same state.
According to DoPT rules, inter-cadre transfers of officers of the All India Services are permitted on account of marriage. Until three years ago, two officers who chose to get married to each other would be given a common cadre that wasn’t the home cadre of either. However, in 2017, the central government further eased the rules and allowed the allocation of a cadre that could be the home state of either of the two officers.
For the love of cadres
While officers across the services acknowledge the trend of LBSNAA marriages, most who spoke to ThePrint said the unions are “cadre-based”.
“It is well-known that people at LBSNAA mostly get married for cadres,” said a batchmate of Dabi and Khan. “People who do not want to go to the Northeast or Jammu & Kashmir, often choose spouses from more secure cadres like UP, Maharashtra, Bihar… The government cannot deny them this right, so everything works out well,” the officer added. “But most marriages are marriages of convenience.”
Other officers agreed. “Civil services are seen as a way to attain power. And marriages among civil servants are a way to consolidate that power,” said a railway services officer of the 2016 batch. “Most of these marriages are very well thought-out arrangements.”
Also Read: Second marriage valid even if divorce plea of first marriage pending in courts: SC
‘High divorce rates’
It is no surprise then that, according to some officers, divorce rates among officers are high.
“A lot of these marriages do not last. It is improper to comment on individual cases, but in my batch itself, there have been four divorces in the last two years,” said the 2016-batch IAS officer.
There are multiple reasons for this. “Egos among IAS, IPS officers are very high,” said Singh. “If you see, marriages between an IPS husband and an IAS wife seldom last just because the husband cannot bear the wife’s quicker career progression and growth.”
In addition, there is also the fact that both the spouses are financially and professionally independent, thereby reducing their need to put up with an unhappy relationship.
But Roopa gives a woman’s perspective on the issue. “When it comes to ensuring that one of the spouses takes up a less prestigious posting to be in the same district as the other, it is more often than not, the woman. Men still do expect you to take care of the house, come back before them, and for several women officers, expectations of in-laws are something they have to navigate through… These things are just understood,” she said.
However, she added that divorces among civil servants are still less common.
“Divorces may have increased over the years because that is what is happening in society in general, but civil servants are still conservative about divorce,” she said. “It is like politicians. There is so much public glare that it acts as a deterrent.”
Also Read: Does India’s low rank on global divorce rate indexes mean happy marriages or social pressure?
Tina and her ex-husband are Public Servants NOT public property. Let them live their life. Constant hammering from Everywhere may ruin their life. Put yourself in shoe if their and then think. Why to hurt any ones inmotion. None of us have this right.
This article not reflects only their personal life but also reflects marrital life of civil servants. So if a not article is kot completely dedicated to anyone untill then you should not say this
It is true that there is nobody among men ready to have a wife who is equal or higher in any matter/job .Men never accept the fact they only want to maintain male ego……… whether they deserve it or not.But now women being independent and superior in terms of education don’t want the fake ego of males that naturally leads to divorce…
Divorces occurs at each and every level but frequency of divorces are more at upper class compared to middle class (more in literate compared to illiterate) ,that might be usually because of lack of social, psychological, physiological problems. No individual is 100% perfect irrespective of his occupation, it’s all about how wisely both will able to maintain hormony consistently throughout the life without ego which keeps relationship more healthier ❣️
Why doesn’t the ego problem arises during courtship?
Somebody tell this “theprint” that you don’t have to write when you don’t have any clue.
Wait a sec…. agenda?
100 nd 1%Rytttt
What agenda in this?
Mr Raj What a religion has to do here in this case. People like you spread poison in this diverse society. People like you promote bhagwa atank. Your ideology will break India once again in the name of religion.
what do you mean by bhagva atankwad… Some example..unable to mention ugh..? Love jihad… Killing of kafirs.. Calling ur women as kheti (farm land) …halal…3 talak… N world terror. Isn’t this as atankwad… Stop being hinduphobic…. Rather accept that ur community is neither respecting women nor humanity. Its was never bhagwa atankwad… Rather mulla jihadis… Katua atankwad
I agree to the comment made by savi NB it’s true the only thing is just understanding about each others working pressure.It does not mean that adjustment is not only for the person who always adjust to the conditions it also has some time but when it meets to an extreme end this happens not only r women but also men suffers
A lot of people warned Tina Dhabi not to marry a muslim as islam have a culture of divorce and multiple wives. Tina ignored everyone and suffered. When the results are clearly visible why take the risk?
Just look at all muslim celebrities….everybody had a divorce…here Tina’s husband also became celebrity by topping the exam and ended up with divorce.
Mutual understanding between the two partners is very essential
Tell us something we don’t know already: Are there any marriages where ego issues don’t figure?
Tina Dabi’s separation from her dirty muslim husband is great news. She deserves a better life partner who is a Hindu.
Men will be men, If a man gets through success in whatever field, He can marry a girl who is from village or lower background or homemaker, but vice versa is not possible as women does not possess men’s mindset
Really!!!
Is this even a news?
These days almost all the newspapers are publishing articles like this with some absurd assumptions.
Muslim men marrying Hindu women must give an undertaling to Marriage Registrar that …”They’ll not hurt religious sentiments of Hindu Women and not do GAU HATYA , even during id”.
Why this idiot roopa trying to jump everywhere, after the TI episode she still has ill guts to give gyan everywhere , she is a graceless egoistic uncivil servants and is hated by millions of Indians.
Investigatory journalism must be based on statistics and data Analytics(missing in this article). Individual thoughts of even seasoned Civil Servants are often misleading and can lead to False positive and True negative when it comes to personnel matters. Further input of some Dr./psycologist would have strengthened this article because of his unbiased and neutral techniques to elaborate divorce pattern. Divorce is very unfortunate thing in general, but far much better to go down this road than to continue with life partner who is not true/honest/ trustworthy/ caring/ non addicted.
I feel that civil servants these days are merely interested in furthering their careers and seeking financial security. Somehow, they have lost sight of the fact that they are here to serve the society. What we see instead is a fierce struggle for plum postings and a secure career. The motto seems to be ‘get selected, marry a colleague and bargain for a posting of your choice’. The society and its needs hardly matter to them Ego amongst civil servants have reached a zenith and only a handful of them are accessible to the public, just like the ministers, whom they report to. I think if one needs to serve the society, becoming a politician and civil servant should be the last thing to do, going by the current trends. One would better start his or her own endeavor and serve people in a much better way.
So the woman in marriage faces the same generic issues like all other women despite being an IAS officer. Gender Equality is only meant on paper and Indian men will need another generation despite being educated to treat women equally.
How an Indian man treat women everyone knows. So dear don’t be violent
In the article it is also stated that female officers (in services other than IAS/IPS) also seek men that are ‘superior’ ( Their words not mine), say IAS or IPS. But, you chose to not comment on that. The case of Tina Dabi and Athar is a special case. Look around you, women always try to find men that are better off than them. If we want equality in marriage, the only way is to find someone of the same level as you. If they are on the same level and the husband does not treat them equally, then the women should file for divorce (just like Tina Dabi did). We need empowered women that are strong and independent, not losers who want someone else to take care of them.
Long lasting happy married life rarely succeed between two divergent religion/faith believer.
Not necessarily so sir. It depends upon mutual undrstandings and freedom. True relationships are above religions and believes.
Very superficial writing, lacking any factual basis. Seems based on conjectures and preconceived notions. The traditionally perceived dynamics of a husband and wife relationship have simply been superimposed on Civil services officers without any research. Not a single fact or figure has been used to substantiate the arguments. The author does not seem to have any understanding of civil servant’s life or social or psychological contexts. The article is in the nature of small town gossip. Not worthy to be on any standard publication.
Well said.
I think it’s totally depend on individual how they handle their problems. They have to put their ego aside and understand each other. Divorce is not a way out to problem and stress.
I think this is print’ s way to give mental exercise for those who are highly educated and unable to believe that tina and akhtar separate due to religious difference. Any one can give this type of article even if any one who want to make story just opposite of it, then they have to select some specific civil servant and put specific questionare, they will automatically give answer according to writers view.
Why I say this divorce as a religious difference because Tina excludes khan sir name from her name, as a first step and got promoted.
Saying generelly
If women becomes competent or carrier oriented
She should not marry..because whomsoever guilty after the marriage …only man will face harassment..of dv, dowry, maintenance
With such cushy marriage and plum posting, power and money is right inside your home.
It is all a matter of the self for the self.
Islamic terrorism must end.. Jihadi will be always Jihadi where ever they go..
Saffron terrorism must stopped..they have been the real enemy of india since independence.These hindu frinch groups supported partition of india along with muslim now they are claiming to be nationalist.. people like you should leave india bcz Muslims are also part of india.
Tina Dabi deserves a better life partner who is a Hindu.
Are you volunteering your services Mr Sanath Iyer ?
Mr Raj What a religion has to do here in this case. People like you spread poison in this diverse society. People like you promote bhagwa atank. Your ideology will break India once again in the name of religion.
When you are not able to live the life the way you want to leave it leads to stress and maybe one of the reasons for separation of the couples. The work pressure, social status, issues related to postings and interferenceFrom the other family members and in-laws add fuel to the fire. These couples also need counselling to reduce the stress and work out the solutions for a happy living and a successful marriage.
I am an IAS officer married to an IPS officer and i would like to say that any generalisations can’t do justice to a complex matter as marital harmony. My husband is one of the most understanding partner and always eggs me on to work harder, listens to my service issues and give really sagacious advices. I think it depends on individuals.
See what he is doing behind your back .
If 500 protes can be found with one Officer, imagine the total wealth looted by these officers and the loot by the politicians for whom they work as agents. Who needs dowries when you get a cash cow!!
So I suppose you are the kitchen manager as well!
Good try to dilute the public opinion . Hahahahaha
Right ?
A very interesting article. But entirely based on stray and biased comments. It says that people at LBSNAA– the people who are seeking out partners– say that this officer marriage business is entirely a matter of convenience and extremely mercenary. It says that those outside of LBSNAA are slightly more kind to such marriages.
It would have been better if
1. An effort was made to unpack the patterns of marriage among all officers
2. An effort was made to also include the views of those who continue to remain married. Why do they? Does it have any impact on their careers?
3. Is it possible that those who are unable to manage a marriage are also unable to manage their offices? While those who are able to manage their marriage are also very successful in the performance of their official duties?
After all, we do have far more examples of successful women officers and successful men officers. The ones with broke marriages are also fairly broke in their office work.
The most important reason why there are inter-services marriage is the decline in prestige for IAS/IPS/IFos etc. among educated urban families. Urban educated upper middle class belonging families want entrepreneurs/startup founders/investment bankers/McK-BCG consultants as their spouse and not any sarkaari babus.
Also with higher penetration of working women in such families career of wife has become equally important as that of husband. Earlier decades a civil services’ wife had to bide her time in some hinterland or a state capital with little work to do have truly become outdated. Somewhere I read a tangential and yet relatable quote regarding Wall Street – the most sought after degree at Wall Street is no longer MBA from Wharton but a PhD from Carnegie Mellon. I’ll not explain what that means for paucity of time, but the essence is people’s perception towards career change with time.
How do I know all this – well because wifey is a civil servant and I’m an ex management consultant turned tech manager and waiting to turn a tech entrepreneur., and have acquaintances in services.
By labelling them as ‘Sarkari Babus’ neither their prestige will decline, nor your worth as a butthurt private sector employee would rise !
But fact remains that politicians can destroy their prestige and career, flip them to any station as such the civil ‘servants” have to know-tow the politicians whereas a private entrepreneur is a boss and a wealthy one can do far greater good than these examples of talent gone waste. I don’t mean to offend anybody.