Maybe the only way to truly police Indian men’s behaviour is to have their mothers accompany them on every trip. Should they want to approach a stranger, they must ask mummy first.
The real acrimony in Goa is against tourists and wealthy land buyers from Delhi, Mumbai, and Bengaluru. Yet, the fury gets channelled downward against the poorest workers from the cowbelt.
Remote workers who arrived in Goa after 2020 are now leaving their sunshine dreams behind. They are questioning whether the infrastructure ever existed to sustain them in the first place.
Asking Goa to give up 4% of a river’s flow to help parched districts seems reasonable, moral. But it masks a deeper ethical problem: who bears the burden of the ‘greater common good’?
In a state where hotel ownership, restaurant businesses, and even beach shack operations have increasingly moved to outside investors, the taxi sector represents one of the few industries still predominantly controlled by residents.
Nick Jonas is not trying to modernise the mangalsutra, but his gesture shows that choices can be equal. If commitment must be flaunted, it need not be gendered.
Bengaluru-based SSS Defence has made public its bid for a major foreign military contract, targeting UK’s ambitious SA80 successor programme with its home-tested weapons.
It was hyper-courageous to take on this serious issue and get it out there – kudos.
I could sense your helpless rage – barely suppressed – through the rather emotional delivery.
I share your great rage. But I have also felt deep embarrassment, and humiliation seeing my fellow Indian men behave so. Everywhere we go – in India or abroad – we (I say “we” ☹) lech, harass, and often molest women. Indian women, I would say, are largely well-behaved and so amazing and cultured…so the “gender” contrast is striking and frankly horrifying.
This behavior cuts across regions as you observe, but also age, religion, socio-economic class, and education levels. I don’t see educated, polished, “less crass men” from the cities behave any better. I see well-to-do “educated” men in their 40s and 50s sometimes stare at each other’s teenage daughters and wives and pass lewd comments. Indian men are behaving badly with women, at home and in public, in India and abroad – some are just smoother and get away with it – others from the hinterlands just appear crasser. It is so terrible to see foreign tourists harassed this way – we seem to have buried the rubric from our tradition.
Even in neighboring Nepal, Bhutan and Sri Lanka, I have seen men behave in a dignified and respectful way towards women.
Growing up, we have been taught to value, cherish, and protect women – but our behavior is quite the opposite, thus very paradoxical. We are the one unique culture that elevates the Mother above Father, Guru and God . My KV school pledge used to have “all Indians are my brothers and sisters”, and we boys used to mutter “except one” at the end! We propitiate many goddesses in ritual, celebrate them in many festivals, seek their blessings in our pursuits of education, wealth, the arts, power and more. Each Indian man knows that his life would be empty and purposeless without women – mothers, sisters, wives, daughters – as it their affection, love and effort that raises and sustains us….yet…..
I will observe that though men from western countries “seem” to be more respectful externally, they do treat women as disposable objects of their fancy and lust – use, throw, and cheat. It is just that western women give it back in kind. So, I would argue the western male’s abuse is more in the private spaces, than public. [I lived in the US for a decade, and hence noting from that experience and long-time social connect]
I think our Indian men have gotten worse – since I have been watching the world – growing up in the 80s in Madras. The pervasive availability of porn on mobile phones, for one, is distorting and wrecking the psyches of young teenage boys across villages and cities – who have all the potential to be respectful cultured men if spared of such terrible content. Same with OTT – both Indian and abroad – which serve copious amounts promiscuity, and goad the young adolescent male towards “sensual pleasure maximization through any means” as the only purpose in life. Add to that all the globalization, crass consumerism and free-flowing drugs and alcohol….and very soon Indian men have become largely de-sensitized to how a girl or woman might feel if treated the way we do.
I have been a liberal all my life but have gravitated more towards the center in my social worldview. I am for individual Rights and freedoms, but Duties towards our fellow humans, society and nature are equally important. Unless some personal freedoms are restricted and severe punishment is enforced (like many you propose), I don’t see the situation changing.
It was hyper-courageous to take on this serious issue and get it out there – kudos.
I could sense your helpless rage – barely suppressed – through the rather emotional delivery.
I share your great rage. But I have also felt deep embarrassment, and humiliation seeing my fellow Indian men behave so. Everywhere we go – in India or abroad – we (I say “we” ☹) lech, harass, and often molest women. Indian women, I would say, are largely well-behaved and so amazing and cultured…so the “gender” contrast is striking and frankly horrifying.
This behavior cuts across regions as you observe, but also age, religion, socio-economic class, and education levels. I don’t see educated, polished, “less crass men” from the cities behave any better. I see well-to-do “educated” men in their 40s and 50s sometimes stare at each other’s teenage daughters and wives and pass lewd comments. Indian men are behaving badly with women, at home and in public, in India and abroad – some are just smoother and get away with it – others from the hinterlands just appear crasser. It is so terrible to see foreign tourists harassed this way – we seem to have buried the rubric from our tradition.
Even in neighboring Nepal, Bhutan and Sri Lanka, I have seen men behave in a dignified and respectful way towards women.
Growing up, we have been taught to value, cherish, and protect women – but our behavior is quite the opposite, thus very paradoxical. We are the one unique culture that elevates the Mother above Father, Guru and God . My KV school pledge used to have “all Indians are my brothers and sisters”, and we boys used to mutter “except one” at the end! We propitiate many goddesses in ritual, celebrate them in many festivals, seek their blessings in our pursuits of education, wealth, the arts, power and more. Each Indian man knows that his life would be empty and purposeless without women – mothers, sisters, wives, daughters – as it their affection, love and effort that raises and sustains us….yet…..
I will observe that though men from western countries “seem” to be more respectful externally, they do treat women as disposable objects of their fancy and lust – use, throw, and cheat. It is just that western women give it back in kind. So, I would argue the western male’s abuse is more in the private spaces, than public. [I lived in the US for a decade, and hence noting from that experience and long-time social connect]
I think our Indian men have gotten worse – since I have been watching the world – growing up in the 80s in Madras. The pervasive availability of porn on mobile phones, for one, is distorting and wrecking the psyches of young teenage boys across villages and cities – who have all the potential to be respectful cultured men if spared of such terrible content. Same with OTT – both Indian and abroad – which serve copious amounts promiscuity, and goad the young adolescent male towards “sensual pleasure maximization through any means” as the only purpose in life. Add to that all the globalization, crass consumerism and free-flowing drugs and alcohol….and very soon Indian men have become largely de-sensitized to how a girl or woman might feel if treated the way we do.
I have been a liberal all my life but have gravitated more towards the center in my social worldview. I am for individual Rights and freedoms, but Duties towards our fellow humans, society and nature are equally important. Unless some personal freedoms are restricted and severe punishment is enforced (like many you propose), I don’t see the situation changing.
You forgot to add that SIkhs from Punjab save those women