I don’t remember: This is what former minister of state for external affairs M.J. Akbar repeatedly said when cross-examined in a defamation case filed by him against journalist Priya Ramani, who had accused Akbar of sexual misconduct.
He didn’t realise that the very words mock the suffering and trauma of sexual abuse survivors.
Indian culture places authority on a pedestal, right from parents and teachers to those who govern the country. There is an inherent expectation that these people can do no wrong.
It has been historically seen that when a survivor reveals their story of an assault and outs the perpetrator, the questions raised on the credibility of the account are directed towards them. Survivors are expected to provide proof, they are expected to narrate a detailed account, and then they are expected to seek legal recourse as the ‘correct’ way of obtaining justice.
Also read: ‘I don’t remember’: MJ Akbar says of ‘meetings’ with Priya Ramani, at defamation hearing
For a survivor of sexual abuse, justice goes beyond the idea of the perpetrator serving a sentence. There is justice in being heard, in having a space to admit that it happened and there is justice in seeking some form of accountability.
No two people can have same response
Forced sexual behaviour is sexual abuse. This could be verbal, non-verbal, physical, pictorial and, these days, even digital. Sexual abuse is about an assertion of power and enjoying control over someone else. It’s an assertion of entitlement and ownership, thereby victimising and enforcing feelings of helplessness in the sufferer. While some people are able to retaliate in this dangerous situation, others have different responses, depending on what their brain decides is protective for them at that moment.
The amygdala, which is the fear centre of the brain, recognises threats and sends to the hypothalamus, which then sends signals to the pituitary gland. What follows next is a hormone wave in the individual’s body, which then leads to a fight-flight-freeze response. The chemicals released at this moment can interfere with an individual’s capacity for rational thought and reasoning. The brain isn’t trying to assess outcomes via trial and error, it’s trying to save the person from what might happen next. It’s a complex and exhausting ordeal. It cannot be in black or white, because individual brain chemistries differ, socialisation and exposure differ, personalities differ. If no two humans are the same, how can all sufferers be expected to react the same way while protecting themselves from this kind of danger?
Also read: Mallika Akbar, Hillary Clinton, The Good Wife: Why women stand by predatory men
Re-living trauma
Sexual abuse has varying shades of brutality and the extent of the trauma experienced will continue to impact the brain, dominate emotions and behaviour as the person tries to move on in the aftermath of the trauma.
Think about someone who has been in a brutal car crash, lost their limbs and cannot function properly till they re-train themselves. Would you expect them to march into the court and give long testimonies about what happened?
It takes a degree of healing to be able to re-live the experience of sexual abuse. When a victim narrates their account of assault, the least they expect is an ear that will listen. In all probability, the survivor’s brain is set to undergo the same exhausting ordeal, again. These experiences can scar the brain and interfere with development. A survivor’s body might start showing physiological reactions, their health might suffer drastically and they might be shamed and ostracised by the communities they hold membership in.
Safety planning is real
The dangers of coming out with one’s story can be terrifying. The internalised shame, guilt and anxiety about the responses can be brutal too. Therefore, safety planning is real and integral.
If you are considering seeking justice for your experience, it is imperative that you have a trustworthy support system. Try to find a space where you are able to process these feelings of shame and anxiety. These spaces can become your safe haven where you can return when the outpour of questions and trolling begin. This space can be found with/in family members, friends, a support group, and even co-workers. Try to preferably document your expectations and your preferred outcomes.
Practice ways that connect you to your body so that you can recognise when you have hit your limit and when it feels like it’s time to stop. It’s okay to be assertive about being in the driver’s seat, about taking control of how you want things to unfold and reclaiming power. One of the most heartening things I have heard from patients who seek justice in various forms is that they finally felt like they had some power in this narrative.
The definitions of normal change after an experience of sexual abuse. This is because the body changes, the brain changes. Normalising the emotional experiences as natural responses and seeking help are also ways through which a survivor’s body protects itself.
There is power in knowledge and educating oneself about social conditioning when it comes to sexual assault and the broken legal system can help in placing the blame where it belongs.
Also read: MJ Akbar: The brilliant editor who’s now seen as India’s most high-profile sexual predator
We’re quick to judge the lengths of skirts and the colour of lipstick, but not the horrifying brutality of a 43-year-old powerful man allegedly asserting himself on a young 23-year-old. It is cruel to place the responsibility of assault, suffering, healing and reclaiming the narrative with ‘perfection’ on one person. This is the era of solidarity and accountability. For everything else, the time is up!
The author is a columnist and a mental health clinician in Chicago. Views are personal.
When a person doesn’t recall events with reasonable clarity, what makes him believe that there’s a good case for defamation?
Other than Akbar and Ramani, no one else knows the facts of the case. But what does the author of this piece want Akbar to say in a trial that he had initiated – “Yes I remember everything and I did everything that Ramani is saying”?
In the merchant navy similar things go on. If you make a complaint, the captain replies that only you have come forward with such a complaint. Nobody else has so, there must be something wrong with YOU. he puts the onus of proving innocence upon you, the victim of the crime, not on the perpetrator.
MJAKBAR is a spineless and mentally sick person that is the reason that he doesn’t remember the things easily.He is a characterless and shameless creature who has no remorse over his misdeeds.Only God will give it’s final judgement and he will realise his misdeeds and ultimately pay a heavy price for his mistakes
He may well have forgotten some of his transgressions, there were so many of them. Not one of the women he wronged ever will. He should get a medal for sheer brazenness. Anyone else would have crawled under a rock and stayed there.
The entire body of rules relating to laws of evidence, for criminal cases will have to be put on its head if innocent till proved guilty is the norm.
There are no easy answers. Jurists and law makers will have to think hard.