Social media is calling out Sunita Ahuja for her rage, her outbursts and the lack of grace in the way she speaks about her marriage with Govinda. It’s almost baffling how the internet is empathizing with a ‘cheater husband’ because Ahuja doesn’t fit the “Bollywood wife” category.
If the reports and allegations surrounding their marriage are anything to go by, what exactly are we expecting from a woman who believes her husband has repeatedly invited other women into their relationship?
Ahuja has never presented herself as the archetypal Bollywood wife. She doesn’t polish her pain to keep up with a public image. She is messy, emotional, angry, sometimes even crude and uncomfortable to watch. And, that is exactly why she feels more relatable than the carefully curated wives we have become used to seeing in Bollywood.
To be clear, defending Ahuja’s anger does not mean I am endorsing every word she has said. Her behaviour and language at times goes out of hand. But that is no ground to dismiss her suffering.
She has been married to Govinda for around four decades and has time and again spoken about rumours of his alleged affairs and, at some points, even about her own decision to forgive him. In January, Ahuja said that if his cheating were ever confirmed, she would not forgive him, while also joking about the other women who allegedly entered his life.
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Anger vs betrayal
Recently, she made much more explosive claims about a younger actress allegedly being involved with Govinda. Those claims, however, still remain unproven. Govinda, meanwhile, has objected to her public comments and warned her against using abusive language.
But look at what happens to Ahuja on social media. Her anger becomes the story, while Govinda’s betrayal becomes secondary.
When a Bollywood wife speaks about marital pain in a measured, articulate, aesthetically pleasing manner, we tend to call her brave. When she cries or explains that she chose herself, found her inner strength and moved on, we empathize with her.
For example, in Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives, Maheep Kapoor revealed that Sanjay Kapoor had cheated on her early in their marriage. She said she walked out with their daughter Shanaya, but ultimately returned and chose to preserve the family. She described his infidelity as an “indiscretion” and explained her decision through motherhood, family and the desire to maintain a sanctuary for her children.
There is nothing wrong with Maheep’s way of processing betrayal. In fact, it was deeply personal and honest. But notice how legible it is to us. It fits neatly into a familiar Bollywood narrative: sophisticated woman, difficult marriage, moment of crisis, mature reflection, forgiveness, family restored.
We have also seen women such as Kiran Rao discuss complicated relationships with composure. Kiran has spoken about her separation from Aamir Khan as a decision rooted in independence, personal space and mutual respect. She has repeatedly emphasised that their relationship evolved rather than exploded, and that they remain a family despite no longer being a couple.
In an old interview, Neetu Kapoor said she had caught Rishi Kapoor flirting “hundreds of times” and that she was often the first to hear about his alleged affairs while he was shooting outdoors. She characterised these as one-night stands and said that, although she used to fight with him about them, she eventually stopped reacting in the same way.
However, Sunita isn’t interested in giving us any of these stories.
For generations, women have been told to absorb humiliation. Don’t make a scene. Don’t embarrass your husband. Don’t discuss family problems outside the home. Think about the children. Think about his reputation. Think about the families. And, my personal favourite, “aadmi se galti ho jati hai (men make mistakes).”
Therefore, Ahuja’s appeal, for me, lies in that lack of PR training. She contradicts herself, forgives and resents, laughs about things that clearly hurt her. She says she loves her husband and, in the same breath, expresses fury at the possibility of losing him to someone else. It might look like hypocrisy but this is what complicated relationships often look like from the inside. Lets not forget that marriages are never clean narratives.
Sunita Ahuja may be messy. She may be flawed. She may say things she later regrets. And this is exactly why she unsettles us. She is giving us the Bollywood wife we don’t know how to process.
(Edited by Janaki Pande)