Deepti Vempati, an Indian-American woman, has emerged as a new-age feminist icon on social media. Why, you ask? Because she left her ‘fiance’ Abhishek “Shake” Chatterjee at the altar on Netflix’s reality dating show Love is Blind. He wanted a light-skinned bride. Such shows – another was Indian Matchmaking — go on to show that no matter where you are, India or the US, the Indian obsession with how ‘good’ women look and behave won’t die.
The format of Love is Blind revolves around a bunch of heterosexual individuals hoping to find a life partner, but (as the name suggests) the emphasis is on a ‘deeper’ and emotional connection over the physical attributions of a person. Vempati, an information data analyst based out of Bloomington, Illinois, connected with Shake (also an Indian-American), a veterinarian. But unlike some couples, she discovered that her ‘happy ending’ is in her own company.
Saying “I deserve somebody who knows for sure, so I’m choosing myself and I’m going to say no” for an Indian woman, much less an Indian-American one, may seem easy in theory, but having to do when millions of eyes are set on you is no small feat.
An act of courage
Out of the six couples that made it to the altar after 38 days, there were a few men and women who said ‘no’ to their respective partners. But Deepti Vempati’s act of walking away garnered a whirlwind response solely because of her background.
Throughout a 10-episode run (minus an additional reunion episode), the couples were given plenty of opportunities to connect with each other, starting with a blind or ‘pod’ date. While hate-watching the show, you can already spot several worrisome characteristics of Shake. For instance, he confessed to being attracted only to blonde women, ‘loves buying clothes for women’, and wonders if he can carry a girl on his shoulders during a music concert. From the get-go, you know that he is on the wrong dating show — maybe Too Hot To Handle. But as love is ‘blind’, Vempati chose to give him the benefit of the doubt (undeservedly so).
At several instances in Love is Blind, Shake confessed to not being physically attracted to Vempati — which is completely fine (as she said in the reunion episode) — but it is how you communicate your feelings that makes all the difference. Shake resorted to speaking behind her back and confided in fellow male contestants. At one point, he even goes on to say that being with Vempati feels like “hooking up with (his) aunt”. And despite his open display of ‘discomfort’, he continued to pursue her in the garb of ‘but I love her personality’. The episode was a giant red flag. Later on, Shake apologised to Vempati, saying he was “sorry for some of the things he said”. Too little, too late, perhaps — the damage was already done, the misogyny had reflected through.
Amidst it all, it was the triumphing dignity and courage of not just Vempati but her parents that shone the brightest and connected with thousands of netizens. As she refused to marry Shake and said that she is choosing herself, the resounding support displayed by her parents was a moment of joy — a radical moment seldom seen on Indian television.
Gayatri Vempati, Deepti’s mother, was crying not out of shame or embarrassment but out of sheer joy and pride seeing her daughter make a courageous choice. “Always be happy” — is all that she said as she embraced her with a gleeful smile while tears poured down. A shoutout to another woman — Shake’s mother, who called out her son on his pompous attitude and said, “She does not deserve someone who gives her even half a per cent less”, shattering the stereotypes of Indian parents’ take on arranged marriages.
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Has anything changed? Just look around
It is no news that Indian women are battered with cautionary pep talks when they reach a ‘certain age’ — being one myself — and the emphasis put on physical features is punishing. Many would argue that times have changed and Indians have evolved, but all it would take is for you to glance through your own family WhatsApp groups or dining room conversations. The obsession with fair complexion and ‘looks’ is outdated and needs to be scrubbed out of the confines of one’s mind. Not to say that all Indians, or rather Indian men, subscribe to this notion.
As Deepti Vempati quotes Australian author G.D. Anderson, “Feminism isn’t about making women strong. Women are already strong. It’s about changing the way the world perceives that strength”.
(Edited by Humra Laeeq)