After Rhea Chakraborty’s TV interviews and her subsequent arrest in a drug case, many people on social media have turned into ‘aunties’ and ‘uncles’. There are numerous posts and memes advising Rhea that she should not have fallen in love with a ‘problematic’ man. Then there are those which tell her how she should have taken care of him. The unspoken subtext is of course: How could she fall in love with a man suffering from depression and bipolar disorder? Should she not have considered his family before falling in love? How could she be with him even as he allegedly struggled with drugs?
All of a sudden, all the social media’s faux sociologists, economists, political commentators and experts on everything, have become Love Gurus. Indians’ penchant for arranged marriages is now beginning to show in the Rhea Chakraborty-Sushant Singh Rajput case, too. Everybody has a piece of advice when it comes to finding a suitable boy. Because, clearly, a woman just doesn’t have it in her to take the right decision. They are all little girls who must be fathered and mothered. And they are now turning Rhea Chakraborty’s case into a cautionary tale for who women should fall in love with.
The most discussed topic on social media today is: Whom should women love? But nobody wants to address the real questions: Is there an ideal man anywhere? And why can’t we accept vices and follies?
Kya Aap apni beti ko Reha banana chahte hain…Go for it…its really you choice. Make your daughter a drug addict…make your daughter a lady who fall in love with a person who is just triple in age…really you need a mental hospital to check whether there is mind??
— abhishek@vandematram (@Abhisaveindia) September 9, 2020
Also read: Sushant Singh Rajput forgotten, his death now all about Kangana Ranaut, Rhea Chakraborty
Doubting independent women
Behind all this collective moral policing lies the disapproval for the choices of an independent woman. Rhea offended patriarchy lovers when she wore a ‘Smash Patriarchy’ T-shirt on the day of her arrest. She offended them with her choice to live in a relationship with her boyfriend who was allegedly on drugs. She offended their morality when she allowed her boyfriend to smoke Ganja. Before all of this, she had offended his family by not letting him talk to them, as they alleged. Later, Sushant’s family also said that Rhea had siphoned money from his accounts and plotted his murder. The family was clearly saying that she was the wrong woman for Sushant.
In a way, Rhea managed to offend most Indians, and as a result she has been hounded and now finds herself behind the bars on charges of drug, which she allegedly procured for Sushant.
There are two interesting viewpoints that emerge from this chaotic situation. There are those who clearly believe that a woman loves a man for his money. Others are saying that a woman must think hard before falling in love with a man. What is under attack here, is a woman’s freedom to choose and decide.
This doesn’t stop here. People are going gaga over the cryptic posts of Sushant’s former partner Ankita Lokhande, in which, according to them, the actor pays homage to him and depicts herself as a mythical Viyogini (a woman separated from her lover). Wonder what they will say if they come to know about the details of her break-up with Sushant. Again, Ankita would have been held responsible for her choice of leaving Sushant, if indeed that was her decision.
Also read: Medusa to Rekha to Rhea — Women are always villains, because raja betas do no wrong
Where it all comes from
People have judged women and always tried to enforce their choices on them. Aishwarya Rai was criticised for falling in love with Salman Khan; Madhuri Dixit for marrying Dr. Sriram Nene; Malaika Arora was mocked for leaving husband Arbaz Khan and falling in love with Arjun Kapoor; Karishma Kapoor was labelled a gold digger for leaving Abhishek Bachchan and marrying Sanjay Kapoor; Sridevi was mocked for marrying Boney Kapoor; Smriti Irani was criticised for snatching her friends’ husband away. The list is endless.
It seems that in popular notion women always work in nefarious ways and indulge into sinister plots to usurp men or destroy them. Whereas successful, rich and powerful men are considered gullible in the matters of heart and they are sacrificed at the altar of love created by black magic of women. Many women, too, act as footsoldiers of patriarchy and support this.
Even in mythology, people have tried to dictate women and their choices. Lord Ram reformed Ahalya who was lying as a stone for thousands of years. It is said that Indra had a sexual relationship with Ahalya — he impersonated her husband Gautam Rishi to deceive the couple. However, when the old sage came to know about it, he cursed both of them. But why did he curse Ahalya?
Also read: Bihari Sushant, Bengali Rhea, Himachali Kangana — region key in political row on actor death
Whom should a woman love?
It seems that the society wants only servile women who are portrayed in Hindi Varnmala books as ‘औ से औरत’. Even today, in most Indian families, a woman doing daily household chores would run away to a corner of her house when a male steps on to the verandah. They should not make a choice of loving a man without the family’s blessing. That’s why people do not resent the arranged marriage of a woman with a murderer, but if she falls in love with a murderer then it goes against all social norms. The wife of one of the Nirbhaya rapists fell on the floor and wept her heart out when her husband was sentenced to death, as her relatives looked on silently.
That’s why there are always juicy stories doing the rounds about the love life of Indira Gandhi. An alleged chapter titled ‘She’ from Jawaharlal Nehru’s personal secretary M.O. Mathai’s 1978 book Reminiscences of the Nehru Age has been circulated to malign her image. Even if true, how could her choice on ‘who to love’ become a reason for character assassination? If true, isn’t it a symbol of an independent woman’s choice of a relationship? But similar scrutiny of male politicians is conspicuously absent. For men, relationships are badges of honour. But for women, they often turn out to be an agnipariksha (or the test of character) for which they will be judged and expected to pass it.
If a man makes a ‘wrong’ choice, he will be defended by saying that he fell in trap of a vishkanya. But if a woman makes a choice, the choice itself will be labelled as wrong. If her choice turns out to be a successful man, then she will be a gold digger. If the man falls into misfortune, then she is to be blamed. Don’t forget how Anushka Sharma was blamed when Virat Kohli was going through a lean patch between the wickets.
It appears that people are unconsciously following the ‘Mangal graha in Kundali’ logic, according to which, a woman is responsible for the fall of a man, always. That seems to be the only explanation for numerous thesis attributed to how a woman should behave. An independent woman negates all those norms. So, she can be branded as a witch in case something goes wrong. Rhea Chakraborty is no exception to this cultural trope.
Views are personal.