Let’s call it the ‘Bollywood effect’. Showbiz is obsessed with makeovers, and popular stars go to extreme lengths to remould themselves in the hope of looking more attractive. Assorted body parts are refixed, enhanced, and excised, since size does matter in a world where outward appearances count more than everything else, including talent.
Mumbai had its nose out of joint this week. Mumbaikars were taken completely by surprise when they woke up to sudden and dramatic changes in their neighbourhoods — the occasion was the G20 delegation’s three-day summit in the city. Overnight, garish and gaudy decorations along a few routes raised their ugly heads, apart from atrocious lights and projections transforming the historic Gateway of India. Even unassuming lamp posts along the main arteries of the city weren’t spared! They were strung up with multicoloured bulbs along the routes taken by the G20 delegates who may have needed shades to protect their eyes from the blinding kaleidoscopic glare. Talk of razzle-dazzle, this flurry of frenzied activity to impress our 200 mehmaan from 19 countries totally lacked any aesthetic semblance. A few cosmetic concessions were thrown in at some places — repainted zebra crossings, resurfaced roads, and hastily filled-up potholes.
All this while, the dirty realities of ‘life in a metro’ called Mumbai were effectively blocked from the visitors’ view. Streets overflowing with uncleared garbage, beaches strewn with plastic, debris mounds, clogged nullahs – oh no! None of this was visible to foreigners who are perhaps marvelling at how ‘litter-free’ our roads are and how well-illuminated our city is.
Hello? Did we really shell out Rs 25 crores for tinsel? That’s roughly Rs 8 lakh per pampered delegate. All this, for what?
Also read: Take a walk by the Bombay High Court. It’s no longer just a place…
Tacky Central can’t look ‘awesome’
I am all for presenting our best face to the outside world. But this was Tacky Central – a hastily commissioned cut-and-paste job taken on by clueless contractors. Despite the obvious clumsiness, it’s surprising to read G20 Sherpa Amitabh Kant’s gush when he congratulated the Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) for doing such a ‘fabulous’ job, jauntily declaring: “Mumbai is looking awesome.” By the way, what’s ‘awesome’ in Marathi? Really? Is this the same former bureaucrat — articulate and brilliant — who had successfully repositioned Kerala back in 1989 and marketed it as ‘God’s own country’? What happened to that much-admired sensibility? Kant was the CEO of NITI Aayog for almost six years before taking up his current assignment as Sherpa from Union Minister of Commerce and Industry Piyush Goyal.
I don’t even understand the title and terminology — what is this Sherpa business? Which mountain is being scaled and who are the mountaineers looking for experienced sherpas to reach the summit?
Now that the Sherpa has given his stamp of approval to the BMC for tarting up Mumbai, let’s ask a few tough questions. Who took the so-called ‘artistic decisions’ to convert Mumbai into a cirkus — even flashier than Ranveer Singh’s wardrobe? Why go for a ‘Band Baaja Baraat’ look for a city that has so much to showcase? Why weren’t experienced lighting consultants brought on board to get the damn thing right? Vinyl screens with G20 logos stretching for miles could have been replaced by handloom fabric, for instance. And who can condone those who made the Gateway look like a low-budget film set from the ’80s?
Sticking comical turbans on the heads of unsuspecting but visibly delighted foreigners and creating fake photo-ops of foreigners playing a Tasha or grooving to traditional lavanis is hardly a reflection of what Mumbai has to offer. Someone accurately described the entire show-shaa as a bhel puri — even worse, a tacky shaadi venue — and asked why we didn’t plan to rejig traffic like New York does. The latter hosts the United Nations General Assembly every September and organises traffic accordingly well ahead of time to accommodate all the delegates and heads of States.
Amusingly, it was also noted that if some mischief-makers were planning an ambush in Mumbai, all they had to do was follow the potted plants and lights to know the routes!
Find us a sherpa, Amitabh
When there is an abundance of talent waiting to be tapped at every level, it is a shame that we always end up picking people with poor skills. Especially for a vibrant city like Mumbai where we need to adopt subdued, tasteful yardsticks that can showcase its best aspects. It’s worth taking a few cues from Paris, Moscow, and Saint Petersburg where intelligent and pleasing lighting of avenues and public buildings creates magic at night. We are too stuck in our VIBGYOR mindsets of the ’50s – ‘Have colour, will use!’
Now that the G20 delegates have packed their bags to leave, we’re back in the same old Mumbai — chaotic, filthy, aggressive, insane. If any city in India needs a sherpa to call its own, it’s Mumbai. Come on, Amitabh Kant, find us one. Aamchi Mumbai is aching for a proper facelift — a few fillers, botoxed brows, chin moulding, a competent nose job. Mumbai should never resemble an over-painted crone in shabby hand-me-downs. It deserves better.
The author is a columnist, social commentator, journalist and opinion-shaper. She has written 20 books. She tweets @DeShobhaa. Views are personal.
(Edited by Humra Laeeq)