File photo | Pakistan PM Imran Khan speaking during the inauguration of Kartarpur corridor | Praveen Jain | ThePrint
File photo | Pakistan PM Imran Khan speaking during the inauguration of Kartarpur corridor | Praveen Jain | ThePrint
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Winter is here, but the heat is getting to Pakistan Prime Minister Imran Khan. All is not well in the corridors of Naya Pakistan.

First came Maulana Fazlur Rehman with his resignation demands, then after endless back-and-forth, the courts allowed Nawaz Sharif to get medical treatment outside Pakistan, putting the government on the back foot because its demand of indemnity bonds worth Rs 700 crore was rejected.

A disgruntled Imran Khan went on a two-day leave, giving space to speculation that his so-called winds of tabdeeli (change) had started blowing from the other direction.

Coalition partners are now publicly voicing their concerns on the state of Pakistan’s economy. PML-Q chief Chaudhry Shujaat Hussain even said that if things continue this way, no one would want to be the prime minister of Pakistan after three months.

Then the same drill followed. An angry Imran Khan showed up, all guns blazing and threw jibes at his political opponents. Khan’s frustration was visible when he mimicked Pakistan Peoples Party chairman Bilawal Bhutto’s accented Urdu while saying that Einstein would roll in his grave after listening to Bilawal’s theory that water pours when it rains. Imitating a younger politician is unbecoming of the office Khan holds. But of course, it was met with huge applause from the darbaris in the front row.

It took about a day for Khan to have his own “jab barish hoti hai to paani ata hai” moment. He told the people that “inflation increases poverty”, a crucial piece of information, which even Sherlock Holmes would be proud of him for deducing.

We don’t know how Einstein is feeling, but Imran Khan’s claims that the economy is getting back on track must be making the father of modern economics Adam Smith turn in his grave. If only Smith had lived long enough to learn from the pillars of Imranomics.

Imran Khan has offered many solutions. I call it the five pillars of Naya Pakistan’s economic turnaround: Doodh, andamurgibhainsbakri, auctions, and gas/oil exploration.


Also read: Imran Khan can sell buffaloes and choppers, but Pakistan’s economy is still crashing


Revolution in milk

Imran Khan told us that each cow produces an average of six litres of milk, and we only have to double it to 12 litres to bring an economic revolution in Pakistan.

We are sure that no one has ever heard about this idea. Having promised to milk corrupt politicians, Imran Khan now has only cows to milk and walk us into that much-awaited revolution he promised.

Eggonomics

For the egg revolution, we definitely don’t need crores of rupees. The idea was to provide rural women with anday and desi murgian (eggs and hens), inject the hens to increase their protein intake, and then have the women sell the products and make money out of it. All this is for the poor, mind you. But then what do we desis know about desi chicken, we only like what “walaitis” (foreigners) do.

Forgive us if we expect a little more than Andaz Apna Apna’s Teja, who also wanted to open a poultry farm, with thousands of hens, which would produce millions of eggs that would end up as billions of omelettes.


Also read: In Udta Pakistan, tomatoes selling at Rs 320/kg for everyone but Imran’s finance adviser


Between bhains and bakri

Only if calves were as useful as buffaloes, Pakistan wouldn’t be where it is today.

PM Imran Khan is of the view that since farmers see buffaloes as milk-producing animals, they raise the buffaloes while calves are slaughtered, which is why we are losing out on exports. But not anymore, a pilot project has been launched.

Not so long ago, Imran Khan used to think that parliamentarians were nothing but sheep and goats who were sitting in the House. But now he has realised sheep can also be used for economic revival.

Naya livestock for Naya Pakistan.

Auction at PM House

Innovative ideas are the hallmark of Naya Pakistan. We were told this when an auction was held at the PM House in Islamabad as part of Khan’s austerity campaign.

Last year, eight buffaloes kept by Nawaz Sharif at the PM House were sold for Rs 23 lakh in an auction along with 61 cars. Wish PM Khan had also offered the four goats for auction that he had declared in his assets to the Election Commission.


Also read: Imran Khan agrees to all ‘valid’ demands of ‘Azadi march’ protesters but won’t resign


Gas and oil that wasn’t

The hope was that every problem will be solved if Pakistan discovers oil and gas. This hope was given by PM Imran Khan who said that Pakistan would discover gas reserves in the Arabian Sea soon and it would take care of the country’s needs for 50 years. Good news within two weeks, he said. The nation was asked to offer special prayers.

While we were still praying, special assistant for petroleum Nadeem Babar announced that deep-sea drilling near Karachi has been stopped after no oil or gas reserve could be found. With that, the good news went out of the window and so did the hope of 50 years.

Time to go back to raising our chickens and buffaloes.

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14 Comments Share Your Views

14 COMMENTS

  1. Appearances are sometimes deceiving, must give boost to hawkers. Hawker industry can thrive n help in filling up the coffers

  2. All of u fools stop fighting with each other for no one is a saint in pak. while Nawaz was corrupt and so was Zardari , Mr Imm the dim is a ignorant dim witted person with a murky past

  3. This might be one of the silliest, if not THE silliest, articles that I have ever read. Full of things that have been misrepresented, half truths, etc.

  4. The writer forgot that to blame someone for others plundering of money and resourcing is unethical and unbecoming of a journalist. There are NO corruption or money laundering cases against IMRAN KHAN. Please MS NAILA, do some objective study. Anybody van write what you wrote. You do superficial analysis of a man who was a leader and won us world cup 1992; he bulit free hospital and universities for poor people. Does anyone in Pakistan has done it???? It seems you have no morals or respect. You must feel shame about talking against a man who is trying to rectify the economy and paying for the misdeeds of previous premier who looted and plundered our resources. Are you really a true Pakistani or a traitor????

    • 1992 world cup?????? Hahahaha sorry but you are miserable.

      This is the state of Naya Pakistan:
      3 times inflation

      30% lost job
      45 lac went below poverty

      11 thousand billion (33%) loan

      3444 billion(41%)budget loss
      50 billion dollar GDP loss
      40% loss Stocks

      33% rupee devaluation

      51% fall investment
      3% fall GDP growth

      8% fall in Industry
      335% increase gas prices

      • Yes and before IK we had rivers of milk and honey and your leaders Mr. 10 percent and Mr. 90 percent did zero corruption. Get lost mindless idiot!

      • Nice statistic be ready to be called idiot since there are so many isheeps here. They will go blindly after the wolf and say Baayee Abaayee Aaja Imran khan drug additive Adulter lead us to the world of an imaginations.

  5. Brilliantly done as always. Imranomics he has. After Im the Dim is kicked out of PM house he can open his polutry for revolution.

  6. I think Pakoda economics is an instant hit across the border, albeit re-packaged as milk and eggs! Meanwhile India has moved on, corporation tax has been cut, government controlled enterprise put on sale….

    Imran Khan ( ever since he was born) and the Big Boots have been on the same ‘page’. An unusual page where everything appearing on there has been scripted by the Big Boots. However, there is a problem; I.K. recently volunteered some eggs on there in the form of a 3-year extension to the Big Boss’ term . Let’s see if they get rotten or ……..!!!

  7. you are such a bith how you twist the facts just to promote your narrative for the sake of few pennies and may be a career … fault is not yours ….if Nawaz can get away then any traitor can get away in this country

    • Twisted what? Facts on how your great kaptaan is now left with milking cows. Feel sorry for his followers like you where will you take all yr hate once he is gone. Let’s see how long b4 Imran Khan is declared traitor.

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