Winter is here, but the heat is getting to Pakistan Prime Minister Imran Khan. All is not well in the corridors of Naya Pakistan.
First came Maulana Fazlur Rehman with his resignation demands, then after endless back-and-forth, the courts allowed Nawaz Sharif to get medical treatment outside Pakistan, putting the government on the back foot because its demand of indemnity bonds worth Rs 700 crore was rejected.
A disgruntled Imran Khan went on a two-day leave, giving space to speculation that his so-called winds of tabdeeli (change) had started blowing from the other direction.
Coalition partners are now publicly voicing their concerns on the state of Pakistan’s economy. PML-Q chief Chaudhry Shujaat Hussain even said that if things continue this way, no one would want to be the prime minister of Pakistan after three months.
Then the same drill followed. An angry Imran Khan showed up, all guns blazing and threw jibes at his political opponents. Khan’s frustration was visible when he mimicked Pakistan Peoples Party chairman Bilawal Bhutto’s accented Urdu while saying that Einstein would roll in his grave after listening to Bilawal’s theory that water pours when it rains. Imitating a younger politician is unbecoming of the office Khan holds. But of course, it was met with huge applause from the darbaris in the front row.
It took about a day for Khan to have his own “jab barish hoti hai to paani ata hai” moment. He told the people that “inflation increases poverty”, a crucial piece of information, which even Sherlock Holmes would be proud of him for deducing.
We don’t know how Einstein is feeling, but Imran Khan’s claims that the economy is getting back on track must be making the father of modern economics Adam Smith turn in his grave. If only Smith had lived long enough to learn from the pillars of Imranomics.
Imran Khan has offered many solutions. I call it the five pillars of Naya Pakistan’s economic turnaround: Doodh, anda–murgi, bhains–bakri, auctions, and gas/oil exploration.
Revolution in milk
Imran Khan told us that each cow produces an average of six litres of milk, and we only have to double it to 12 litres to bring an economic revolution in Pakistan.
We are sure that no one has ever heard about this idea. Having promised to milk corrupt politicians, Imran Khan now has only cows to milk and walk us into that much-awaited revolution he promised.
For the egg revolution, we definitely don’t need crores of rupees. The idea was to provide rural women with anday and desi murgian (eggs and hens), inject the hens to increase their protein intake, and then have the women sell the products and make money out of it. All this is for the poor, mind you. But then what do we desis know about desi chicken, we only like what “walaitis” (foreigners) do.
Forgive us if we expect a little more than Andaz Apna Apna’s Teja, who also wanted to open a poultry farm, with thousands of hens, which would produce millions of eggs that would end up as billions of omelettes.
Between bhains and bakri
Only if calves were as useful as buffaloes, Pakistan wouldn’t be where it is today.
PM Imran Khan is of the view that since farmers see buffaloes as milk-producing animals, they raise the buffaloes while calves are slaughtered, which is why we are losing out on exports. But not anymore, a pilot project has been launched.
Naya livestock for Naya Pakistan.
Auction at PM House
Innovative ideas are the hallmark of Naya Pakistan. We were told this when an auction was held at the PM House in Islamabad as part of Khan’s austerity campaign.
Last year, eight buffaloes kept by Nawaz Sharif at the PM House were sold for Rs 23 lakh in an auction along with 61 cars. Wish PM Khan had also offered the four goats for auction that he had declared in his assets to the Election Commission.
Gas and oil that wasn’t
The hope was that every problem will be solved if Pakistan discovers oil and gas. This hope was given by PM Imran Khan who said that Pakistan would discover gas reserves in the Arabian Sea soon and it would take care of the country’s needs for 50 years. Good news within two weeks, he said. The nation was asked to offer special prayers.
While we were still praying, special assistant for petroleum Nadeem Babar announced that deep-sea drilling near Karachi has been stopped after no oil or gas reserve could be found. With that, the good news went out of the window and so did the hope of 50 years.
Time to go back to raising our chickens and buffaloes.