New Delhi: Twenty-four-year-old Nitish Sinha came to Delhi with hopes of becoming an IAS officer, bringing with him only Rs 70,000 from his home in Darbhanga, Bihar. With minimal knowledge and modest resources, Sinha began his UPSC preparation. Two years later, while cracking the UPSC remains a dream, Sinha’s family is now about Rs 7 lakh poorer, with funds sent month after month by his farmer father.
“I have started thinking about my plan B now. I can’t keep doing this for long. I have exhausted all my financial resources—from relatives to my father and friends. There is no support mechanism available, neither financially nor mentally,” said Sinha, sipping tea at a stall in Old Rajinder Nagar. It’s not far from where three UPSC aspirants died by drowning on 27 July after the basement of the Rau’s IAS Study Circle building flooded.
The UPSC aspiration story—characterised by 24×7 study struggles and the endless loop of hope and disappointment—has become the stuff of legends in Bollywood movies, novels, and OTT series. But there is another largely ignored story: one of daily financial stress, penny-pinching, and heavy guilt over parents’ loans. From thinking twice before having that extra tea and samosa to afford notebooks to making do in unsafe, unhygienic accommodations—the aspirants’ spend sheet is a snapshot of the militaristic discipline they can’t escape.
Sinha enrolled in coaching for his Optional subject—sociology—at a reputed institute in Old Rajinder Nagar. He couldn’t afford the General Studies coaching, which costs Rs 2-2.5 lakh. Sinha survived these two years on just two meals a day and 6-7 cups of tea.
“Tea suppresses my hunger. Surviving here in Old Rajinder Nagar is very tough. I live a few kilometres away in Patel Nagar because the room is cheaper there,” said Sinha.
He pays Rs 10,000 rent for a fourth-floor 2 BHK flat shared with two others, located in a crowded area some 2 kilometres from Karol Bagh metro station.
Successive failed attempts and years passing leave aspirants like Sinha demotivated and low on funds to sponsor their dream. For the first year of preparation, if they attend a coaching institute, a candidate usually ends up spending Rs 5 lakh.
“For General Studies coaching, one has to pay at least Rs 2 lakh and a minimum of Rs 50,000 for optional subjects. Average rent is Rs 15,000 per month, and food, study material, and other miscellaneous expenses add up. It is a lot for someone whose parents are sending money by limiting their expenses,” said Amit Kilhor, a teacher at StudyIQ, a coaching centre in Delhi.
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‘Can’t tell the truth’
Nitish Sinha has faced many difficult moments in the last two years living away from home, but there is one recurring ordeal that leaves him emotionally torn each month.
“I don’t talk to my father much on the phone, but when I call him to ask for money, I feel so bad because I know it is very difficult for him to arrange my monthly expenses. At that moment, I feel like my heart will come out,” said Sinha, tears welling in his eyes.
He can’t return home empty-handed now. His family has invested a lot in him. He fears that he might not be able to fulfill his father’s expectations.
“Life is not easy here. No one cares for you. I can’t tell the truth to my parents about how I feel. I have started asking seniors to suggest some work so I can earn a little bit,” said Sinha.
Those who have spent years preparing for the UPSC start working to earn some income so they won’t have to ask their families for money. Many work for coaching centres for 3-4 hours a day, doing tasks like translation, content creation, and answer sheet checking.
After the results, when Sinha’s name does not appear in the PDF of those who cleared the exam, the next few days are the most painful.
“Nahi hua.” Didn’t happen. It takes a lot of effort to say these two words.
“But I can’t even afford to be sad about this because I immediately start preparing for the next exam. This cycle is endless,” he said.
Sinha’s day starts at 9 am with a walk in the nearby park, where he plans his study schedule for the day. In the last few months, he developed anxiety symptoms, which he initially ignored but eventually had to see a doctor for. Now, he is on medication.
“This is one more problem in my life. It was already difficult for me to handle studying and managing everything, and for the last couple of months, I have been taking meds, and for what? Just not to get scared,” said Sinha.
So far, his medication has cost him Rs 12,000, which he can ill afford.
“After seeing all the movies and series, everyone gives us sympathy, but no one provides help. It is not just me or someone else; there are many problems faced by the entire aspirant community. But we are invisible to the authorities and government,” said Sinha.
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Counting every penny
Instead of buying new pens, Sinha uses only refills. He only eats two meals a day and hasn’t had a single leisure outing in the city in these last two years.
Cheap food options like parathas and Maggi are available for around Rs 50, but the hygiene standards of these eateries are questionable. Sinha cuts on commute cost too. He skips taking a rickshaw and walks 1.5 km every day to the library. A rickshaw ride for this journey would cost him around Rs 40 each way.
“I haven’t bought any new clothes in the last two years. You won’t believe me if I say that the only ‘unnecessary’ expense I made this month was on flowers and candles used in the candle march last night demanding justice for the three dead,” said Sinha, wearing a checkered T-shirt and very old pair of jeans.
The death of three UPSC aspirants in Old Rajinder Nagar has shattered him from the inside. His anxiety worsened, and his medication dosage had to be increased.
“Three of us lost precious lives by drowning in gutter water. I was so affected by this incident that I did not eat for the next two days. They were young and full of dreams, just like me, but they were killed by the poor management of the coaching institute and authorities,” said Sinha, who is actively participating in the ongoing protest.
Nitish doesn’t know if anything will change after the deaths, but his anger about the facilities in Old Rajinder Nagar is so intense that he spends his entire day sitting on the road and shouting ‘We want justice’.
“These slogans are not just for those who have died. When I shout these slogans, I feel like this is my fight too,” Sinha declared as he returned to the protest in Old Rajinder Nagar.
(Edited by Asavari Singh)