Durex Condom ad: Are Indian women really having an orgasm crisis?

Illustration by Arindam Mukherjee | ThePrint Team

A new ad campaign by condom brand Durex talks about #OrgasmInequality. It says that nearly 70 per cent women in India don’t orgasm every time during sex. The ad has triggered a big debate on social media.

ThePrint asks: Durex Condom ad: Are Indian women really having an orgasm crisis?

Women’s orgasms have become as dispensable as elaichi in biryani

Neera Majumdar
Journalist, ThePrint

Back when one could watch Karan Johar’s Koffee with Karan guiltlessly, overlooking much of the problematic content, a rapid fire with Bollywood actor Vidya Balan stood out. She famously said, “Women like it, want it, need it as much as men do”.

And yet, most of India still hasn’t got the message. Female masturbation scenes in movies are treated either as taboo (Veere Di Wedding) or as avant-garde (Lipstick Under My Burkha). That’s why when a Durex puts Indian women’s orgasm crisis in their ads, they face a backlash. That’s why, in most homes, it’s not talked about — and sex is still about the man. That’s why women’s orgasms have become as dispensable as elaichi in biryani. That’s why magazines like Cosmopolitan still have to write articles on “Types of female orgasm explained” and condom companies have to talk about the orgasm gap.

If 70 per cent of Indian women are not orgasming every time they have sex, there is a problem. If women aren’t enjoying sex, it isn’t sex — it’s something entirely different and patriarchal.

From a young age, women are told orgasms and sex are not things to be thought of. Most women don’t even know that penile intercourse is not the only way to reach an orgasm. Or, that an orgasm is like a happy pill, not a shameful excess. And most men aren’t taught that equality exists in the bed too.

Women have always focused on men & that’s why faking orgasms is the easier option

Madhavi Pothukuchi
Senior web editor, ThePrint

Women, and specifically women from countries like India, have always been in a sexual crisis.

It was just never talked about, thanks to patriarchy. Women’s sexual satisfaction was never considered because it was always about what men wanted and needed – and our movies and books had further propagated that notion.

It is only in the last decade that women have started reclaiming their sexual identity, and it has become a bigger movement now.

This includes having orgasms, confidently asking for what you desire in bed, and saying no to what you’re not interested in without the fear of being judged. Women have always focused on the man – faking orgasms is just the easier option than telling a guy that you aren’t fully satisfied.

Another issue is that our (very) limited sex education is also very skewed, and it has never really looked at orgasms or getting pleasure from sex as thing worth talking about. So, to figure it all out on our own, with a support system of friends and family that is equally repressed, takes a very long time. Although it’s just a marketing gimmick for Durex, it’s an important conversation that people need to engage with.

Fake orgasms have been around for ages & yes, men fake it too

Srijan Shukla
Reporter, ThePrint

Are Indian women facing an orgasm crisis? Maybe. But it is far from being a recent phenomenon. Fake orgasms have been around across the world for millennia. Lest we forget the immortal wisdom from Friends, “men fake them too”.

In India, conversation about sex is taboo, be it in public or private. And this taboo leads to misinformation and affects sexual health. Fake orgasms or both partners not enjoying themselves is only the tip of that iceberg.

And in that sense, the discussion started by Durex and Pooja Bedi is extremely helpful.

If one listens to Pooja Bedi talk, she doesn’t speak so much on fake orgasm as on sex education, something that all of us should know about.

The key here is to communicate, the more, the better –whether it is through a ‘sex expert columnist’ or by reading Vātsyāyana’s Kama Sutra. Whatever makes people open up and talk about sex is welcome.

However, that said, there is an issue with this Durex campaign. It sticks to the broad uni-dimensional hetero-normative understanding of sex, and doesn’t push boundaries. Sex and orgasm are both more complicated than what a hetero-normative world would like us to believe.

Women don’t talk about orgasms as casually as they discuss menstrual cycle

Manasa Mohan
Senior assistant editor, ThePrint

The women who came before me orgasmed and the women who come after will orgasm too.

The bigger crisis is that women don’t talk about orgasms as casually as they discuss their menstrual periods. Many women are still shy about owning their sexuality – although this is changing, slowly yet considerably.

The problem isn’t so much the lack of awareness regarding female orgasms – it’s not uncommon knowledge that women can orgasm multiple times, and last longer. Rather, it is about not recognising the fact that women too, like men, have sexual needs and can take care of them on their own when they feel like.

Pop culture is opening up to this fact, not just in the West but in India too. Sure, there’s a distinct difference. Karan Johar’s segment in Lust Stories only goes as far as to show a woman use a vibrator. Female oral sex is almost non-existent in public conversations in India. And here’s the bigger problem – most women don’t talk about oral sex either.

Talking about sex and how one wants it is still a tricky territory, which faces intense scrutiny from the so-called custodians of culture and morality. We lack safe spaces that come with clear and non-negotiable rules of mutual respect and non-judgement. And, the occasional helpful tip on navigating this space with sexual partners.

It’s tied to how Bharatiya Sanskriti of purity and shame are reserved for women

Prashant Dixit
Senior copy editor, ThePrint

It would be symptomatic of the problem if your first instinct is to dispute the statistics — or if you act surprised over the fact that women fake orgasms.

For the regressive Indian society to even wonder (let alone talk) about women’s sexual pleasure is as uncomfortable as things can get because its worldview is stuck on using sex as a barometer to measure a woman’s ‘character’ — her sanctity. It’s also tied to how the senseless ‘Indian values’ — Bharatiya Sanskriti — of purity and shame are reserved for women.

But while these are all inextricably linked to the total absence of debate on women’s orgasm, or their sexual needs in general, there’s only one thing that can possibly explain why the talk is missing even inside the confines of the bedroom, between the partners — for men, sex is all about men.

Men may say ‘men fake it too’ but watch many movie sex scenes. Men climax and turn away and rarely talk about her pleasure because somehow they are able to link women’s quiet acceptance as one of devotion for them.

After all, Indian men want ‘Bharatiya naari’ – one who fulfils the man’s desire without any expectation. Orgasm would be a huge leap for her, wouldn’t it?