We live in a post-Heated Rivalry world. Why else would every woman in my office be talking about the Erling Haaland/Jude Bellingham romance?
On X and Instagram alike, the reels show the Viking picking the British player up, throwing him down, crouching on top of him. Bellingham, on the other hand, runs up to Haaland in a clip and stares up at him with a loony smile. He plants a kiss on the rival’s cheek during a press interaction. In one match, sweaty and tired, he rests his weary brow on the Viking’s ample chest. Writers across newsrooms called it a “bromance”; I call them cowards.
Every Haaland-Bellingham interaction is straight out of an omegaverse fanfic on Archive Of Our Own (AO3). How else are the girlies to react if not with the feral scribbling of a hundred smutty pages? But fanfics have existed since the first appearance of Kirk and Spock on Star Trek: The Original Series (1966). Several have been turned into films and movies. What did Heated Rivalry change?
For one, it took fanfiction mainstream in a way few other shows have. Ms Mojo posted a reel on Wednesday of Haaland/Bellingham edits overlaid with the audio from the teaser for Heated Rivalry. Videos cast Bellingham as a free-spirited omega and Haaland as a cocky, possessive alpha.
I, for one, am upset about the heteronormativity. The real ones know it’s always more interesting to cast the taller, broader man as the omega. If you see tweets with “#NotMyOmegaverse #OmegaHaalandForever,” know it was authored by none other than yours truly.
Also Read: Meet Haaland, ‘Jaat of Norway’—the World Cup Viking who loves butter chicken & goals
No, you can’t make your ken dolls kiss
Am I saying the “Cheated Rivalry” is real? Of course not. In fact, the very reason it has captivated so many around the world is that both men are (presumably) straight.
Footballers love showing affection to one another on the field—yet the sport remains deeply homophobic. So while the cute little gay edits will add to a player’s popularity, let a footballer actually come out as gay, and we’ll see where they are come next World Cup.
It’s a straight-gay economy that runs the edits. Heated Rivalry was popular because both lead characters were masculine. Haaland/Bellingham reels are popular because everyone knows they’re just good mates. And these developments aren’t separate from the fact that there is an LGB alliance on the rise in the West. Genderqueer and trans people are just not the big thing anymore, guys.
The phenomenon was visible in the recent Love Island reels, too. Zack and Bryan from the show became all the more popular thanks to the gay allegations. Gone are the Glee days. Sigh. In a post-Heated Rivalry world, straight women get to enjoy making hunky dolls kiss.
I, on the other hand, worry about the players. The audience for the Canadian show got so obsessed with the actors’ personal lives that François Arnaud, who played Scott Hunter, was forced to quit Instagram. Then again, what are obsessive fujoshis (straight women who especially adore gay media) compared to the generations of toxic fan armies FIFA has seen?
It’s 12 hours until the worldwide broadcast of “Cheated Rivalry.” The England vs Norway match is certain to break some viewership records for the World Cup. Will I watch? Sadly, even Bellingham’s blessed face card can’t tempt me to sit through men kicking a ball about for two whole hours.
If I flip through the 1,537 AO3 fics tagged “Jude Bellingham,” though, that’s between me and my 3 am butter maggi.
Views are personal.
(Edited by Insha Jalil Waziri)