Ah yes, the UP type. With tambaku-stained smiles, we greet you with a katta in our hands. Don’t be scared, we are just Braj-speaking harmless bhaiyas — those you make fun of behind your back.
You wish you never stepped in our land beyond Agra’s Taj Mahal. Uttar Pradesh, the hell on earth, you say.
When on our turf, you are on red alert. UP mein kuch bhi jo sakta hai bhaiya: rape, loot, murder, extortion, what have you.
Even if Twelebs are dancing on the streets of Varanasi in the dead of the night, it’s not advisable to venture out after dark here. It’s incredible Uttar Pradesh after all. Everyone might not have a smartphone but we sure do have a gun, and we’re not afraid to use it.
You hate Uttar Pradesh and its people. Finance Minister Nirmala Sitharaman is not the first to use the term ‘UP Type’, so can you just stop acting like you’re shocked?
But this does give an opportunity to say: we are UP ke bhaiye, and we’re done being typecast as the Gangs of Wasseypur characters living in filth, dirt, out to snatch your jobs, producing at least five children every day.
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We run the nation
Who runs the world? Girls. Who runs the country? Uttar Pradesh.
Out of all the stereotypes around our people, dumb isn’t one, something the finance minister seems to be suggesting. That’s what she meant when she suggested that Rahul Gandhi didn’t understand the ‘futuristic’ Budget because he’s a ‘UP type’. Let’s see how dumb Uttar Pradesh really is.
UP has given nine out of the 15 prime ministers this country has had. This is the state that leads to the capital, New Delhi. Don’t say we have a Gujarati Prime Minister. Remember, he’s an MP from our very own Varanasi.
So then you might say we have the numbers in our favour, which actually adds to the resentment you feel towards us. But at the end of the day, we’re running the show — you come to us from your fancy developed states to seek validation. These 25 crore people are definitely not dumb. And it’s especially not very sharp to typecast us all, seven days before the state assembly elections. Timing is key, you see.
We’re right up there with Bihar, our brother-in-crime, who shares our bad-boy image with the world when it comes to producing hundreds of civil servants every year.
We’re the largest assembly in India, and send most MPs to the Lok Sabha every five years. The odds are on our side, to be the most developed Pradesh in India. But it also makes UP a hub of goondai because we’re simply too big to administer. The idea of breaking us into three parts is palatable yet nobody wants to serve it. Because we, the people of UP, have failed at leveraging our power to demand the best.
It’s only in newspaper ads that Uttar Pradesh is touted as the best pradesh. The reality is you look down at us, like we’re the biggest dhabba on this country.
Even though we’re the most powerful, we have only 13 hospital beds per one lakh population, only three states remain below us. We are the state with the highest crime rate. And we are among the most illterate states. But tell me, are these problems reflective of the people or of the governments?
You push us into the gutter, then ridicule us for living there.
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Aaiye kabhi Uttar Pradesh
Uttar Pradesh is much more than just Taj Mahal. It’s the deep-rooted corruption and goondai of successive parties in power, who, in their own interests, held back socio-economic and political development of the state, only adding rot to the system.
The state is home to the Ganga and the Yamuna and the Gomti. Industrial waste and other forms of water pollution have killed these rivers. Is the “UP type” to be blamed?
Say something sweet about us for a change. We are the largest producers of sugarcane in India.
Kashi is among the oldest inhabited cities of the world, but India never gave it its due. The Banarasi silk sarees are popular across the world. But Kashi hasn’t been preserved. Redoing ghats and installing purple lights there is not the answer. Since demonitisation, the weavers of the city have been hurting. Have we done anything for these “UP types”?
There is Kannauj, a city where drains smell of roses because of the thriving perfumery MSMEs. Kannauj is much older than Grasse, yet has absolutely no tourism. The perfumers are suffering because of the lack of sandalwood.
Then, we have Lucknow. More than just Tunday Kebabi and Chicken kurtas, the city has a rich culture, for example the Lucknow Kathak gharana. But it’s choking with pollution and you’re not willing to smell beyond the kebabs.
The carpets of Mirzapur, shoes of Agra, glasses of Firozabad, blue pottery of Khurja, wooden carvings of Saharanpur, sports industry of Meerut…what have you not? Uttar Pradesh has a lot to offer, a lot of potential for atmanirbharta.
But the “UP types” have to venture out to places like Mumbai, live in slums and drive taxis, even with PHDs from Benares Hindu University BHU in their pockets. We get abused and threatened and are sent back home.
When you spot a bhaiya, the migrant labourer, anywhere, you see them with eyes full of suspicion. Tell me, Are our teeth paan-stained or is it your eyes that need a new lens?
Views are personal.
(Edited by Anurag Chaubey)