This year’s Ganesh Utsav was declared a hit by Mumbaikars. But not a blockbuster. Everything that happens in Mumbai is measured by the Bollywood box office index. An index that defies logic. Bollywood once relied on dodgy trade journals to declare the status of a new movie—hit or miss. The figures were wildly fudged back then. They are out of control today. Trade analysts have been replaced by “influencers” and AI. Manufacturing numbers has never been this easy. Buying up tickets at largely deserted multiplex theatres and publicising houseful shows is also an age-old practice that fooled no one. Now, it’s Instagram posts that dominate perceptions. But, despite sly tricks to manipulate audiences by faking it—nobody gets fooled.
Billed as the “biggest romantic film in Indian cinema history”, the last genuine Bollywood monster hit was Saiyaara, which made a quiet, unobtrusive entry in July. It went on to break every conceivable box office record, humbling big-ticket, impressive star cast releases like Dhadak 2 and Son of Sardaar 2. Funny. The “Saiyaara Effect’’ has shaken up Bollywood experts, unable to decode or deconstruct its massive success. Take a look at the staggering numbers: Rs 576 crore made on a budget of Rs 40-60 crore! Genius. Imagine such an achievement for a movie starring debutant actors (Ahaan Panday and Aneet Padda).
Saiyaara adversely impacted War 2, a movie made on an abominably obese budget (Rs 325 crore. Don’t ask!) with two bankable superstars helming the supersonic action film. Even Greek God Hrithik Roshan and Komaram Bheem NTR Jr couldn’t salvage the film. It recovered just 75 per cent of its cost. Compare that with the 500 per cent profit registered by Saiyaara. Who can explain why Saiyaara swept the rest under a dusty dhurrie? I was humming “Hunnn Hunnn Hunnn Hunnn” from the title track for weeks! Candid confession: I wept copious tears.
I cried for entirely different reasons watching the stillbirth of a hyped-to-the-skies movie with an absurd, hopelessly dated premise. Despite the presence of serious arm candy luring audiences with a pre-release promo-bombardment, Param Sundari sank on day one. Cutie Sidharth Malhotra and Hottie Janhvi Kapoor pranced and danced across the length and breadth of India, undertook innumerable pilgrimages, but their marathon efforts didn’t win any medals or sell tickets. The film generated less than Rs 40 crore worth of business.
There are lessons in there for Bollywood fat cats struggling to keep the doddering film factory going, amid a desperate survival crisis. Nothing seems to work, despite good intentions and bankable stars. It is being said that the supremacy of the Khans is finally limping toward the finish line. Only Rajni rocks. Rajnikant’s Coolie does not fall into any category. Thalaivar IS the category. A universe in himself. Coolie has crossed the Rs 500 crore mark worldwide, making it the fourth-highest-grossing Tamil film of all time.
It is easy to advise Bollywood to reinvent itself. Like, there is a magic potion in the market. Filmmakers keep bleating: “Content is king, boss.” Cut the ghasa-peeta cliché, boss. If everyone knows “content is king”, why does content continue to suck?
Learn from the success of lean and mean Indie filmmakers making global waves. Look at gorgeous Anuparna Roy, who just bagged the Orizzonti Award for ‘Best Director’ at the Venice Film Festival for her debut feature ‘’Songs of Forgotten Trees’’. It’s not about budgets, Bollywood. Try originality.
Who said bye to Jarange?
In Maharashtra’s convoluted political circles, the Manoj Jarange saga is still being analysed. Who backed the Maratha reservation activist and his overactive followers who trashed South Mumbai for five days? Is it true that after seeing the apathy of political bigwigs to the hunger strike, Jarange’s team was planning to get women, children and livestock to join the protestors? Yup. The same ones camped all over Azad Maidan, playing kabbadi, kho kho and cricket with abandon? Is it also true, Jarange was plotting to take a few cues from Punjab farmers and bring in tractors to blockade routes into Mumbai? Who knows. Given the Mumbaikars’ ADS mindset, Jarange is already forgotten (Kaunsa Jarange? Who Jarange?), as Mumbai observes the “inauspicious” Shraddh (Pitru Paksh) period, which ends on 21 September with Mahalaya Amavasya. While I won’t be offering water mixed with black sesame seeds to my ancestors during this period, nor rolling rice balls mixed with ghee or honey to nourish their souls (Dear Ancestors, please don’t sulk ), I will be observing “Shraddh” in my own way. I don’t sign important documents or take on new assignments during ‘pitru paksha’.
But come 22 September, Mumbai will be Mumbai without restraint as Navratri festivities begin. This year, Falguni Pathak, the Empress of Dandiya Raas, has moved her performance indoors to the Radiance Dandiya Navratri Utsav in BKC. Ten hectic nights of whirling-swirling garba where every dancer tries and fails to match Deepika and Ranveer’s epic performance in Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s Goliyon ki Raasleela–Ram Leela (2013). I rewatch that brilliantly choreographed number (Nagada Sang Dhol) on loop during Navratri. Uffff…the costumes, cinematography, choreography and above all the heat generated by the lovers as they spin in a vortex of passion. “A Dance of Bullets”, Sanjay Bhansali called it, after a court in New Delhi objected to the original title of Ram Leela and stayed the release of the film. SLB had to assure protestors that the movie’s title was based on the characters and had nothing to do with the mythological stories of Ramlila and Rasleela.
P.S. Our desi version of Romeo (Ranveer Singh) and Juliet (Deepika Padukone) did Shakespeare proud!
And it would be amiss not to mention Mumbai’s fashion crowd flying their vintage corsets at half-mast to honour the passing of Signor Armani (Giorgio Armani, to you, molte grazie). Arrivederci, legend.
Shobhaa De is an author, columnist, social commentator, and opinion-shaper. She has written 20 books. She tweets @DeShobhaa. Views are personal.
(Edited by Theres Sudeep)