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I read Emily Ratajkowski (the famed model)’s book My Body* recently because: how comforting is it to hear from a hot person that being hot isn’t all that? Or, from a famous person that celebrity isn’t all that? Or from a rich person that it’s actually the poor people who are absolutely living it up and having the most enviable lives? Mildly self-delusional maybe, but still so comforting, right? Right?
*[It’s a perfectly good book, everyone should read it — yet another reminder that our experience as women is similar in a shocking number of ways, no matter who you are]
This week we had International Women’s Day (as we always do). It always reminds me of that April Fool’s day quote, from Mark Twain probably, that it is one day of the year dedicated to reminding you what you are the other 364. Women’s day too is that one day in the year the world has set aside to remind itself what we are the other 364 days also: Women! (unfortunately? sadly? regretfully? — insert adjective true to your “lived experience”). And for one day, gender-based segregation is ok, kosher, even dope, across offices, schools, and whatever public places we are allowed to purposefully inhabit. On this day, we also get to hear from other women who have made it, on how to make it despite crushing odds. (*entering dicey territory*) As someone who has sat through enough of these sessions, I can honestly say it feels much like reading through Emily’s book: not very relatable or comforting despite all my overwhelming sympathy, their heartening candor and our shared feelings of sisterhood.
Because these sessions always leave me with the question: “what if I don’t make it?” What if I can’t make it?
“Always remember that only a rich person can be simple. If you’re poor and simple, you’re just poor” — my father, without any further explanation, never once making it clear if he wants me to be rich or simple or both (never poor!) When put in gender terms, my father’s very wise soundbite transforms into:
Only a man can be incompetent. If you’re a woman and incompetent, you’re just “a woman.”
Because of sheer maths and a hierarchy in everything, not every woman is going to become CEO, not every woman will become an expert on something, sit on panels, or even make a lot of money. I’m that woman. I will likely only be an average girl. And I want to be so without being a drag on my whole gender.
I want to do everyday things men have long taken for granted and women still wildly aspire to. I want to loiter the streets aimlessly, sit on neighbourhood sidewalks and chat with my friends late into the night. I want to head out for a run or walk at any time of day, or occupy the whole community playground with my posse of below-average cricketing mates. I want to give my patently misinformed opinions about politics, with confidence, on Mr Shekhar Gupta’s youtube comment section with my other opinionated sisters egging me on. I want to waste away my whole day (life!), have a bad day behind the wheel (ok, not that bad!) without taking all women with me further into a terrible stereotype (because we both know, there are millions of terrible male drivers loose on the streets and just as many skilled female drivers).
Please don’t misunderstand my petty gripe of “can’t relate” about these power women. It is not a diss. I want to hear only women on women’s day; everyone else can please sit down. All women out there who are breaking the glass ceiling, smashing the patriarchy and decimating misogyny are doing important work to further the cause of feminism. And we’re all feminists here. But while there are some very important political debates happening around the world over what is or isn’t feminism, what is or isn’t womanhood, and what is or isn’t progressive, it is important to remember that we are all under the same tent — one big disempowered tent. An uneducated, unemployed, traditional, or incompetent man is foremost a man (as he rightly should be, I guess). Women should also be unhyphenated (as the cool ones say) and come together as women first, not as separate traditional/progressive women, or uneducated/educated women, or rich/poor women factions—just women. Our rights are irrespective of any qualifying adjectives and we should never forget that.
In conclusion, in that lesson from my father (a man, who has doted on and cherished his two daughters all their lives), I think there’s a goalpost for when women can truly say WE’VE MADE IT. We’ve only made it when all of us can choose to live in any way we want and take our lives on any path we like without compromising our collective power.
No sisters left behind!
These pieces are being published as they have been received – they have not been edited/fact-checked by ThePrint.
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