After Wilayat died, Sakina and Ali Raza mourned and struggled to move on with their lives. ‘Princess has left apparent void leaving us lonely. We now consider ourselves the dynasty of the living dead.’
Ali Raza broke the mirror in which Wilayat glanced at herself, Sakina writes.
The mirror which glanced on Princess hence it had to be cleft asunder so even we had not the audacity to see our reflection that in which Princess’s image was reflected.
All her things—apparel, shoes, riding boots, saddle—were preserved by Sakina and Ali Raza after her death.
Sakina kept a comb of her mother’s but never combed her hair again.
The comb for us carries no meaning now also shun even glancing in the mirror.
According to Sakina’s book, even Ali Raza did the same.
After six months, the body was brought back inside and kept for seven days during which period meals were served with formal etiquette, she writes.
A decade after they first moved there, she writes, Ali Raza decided to take an electrical connection from one of the streetlights outside, but it was met with opposition by the staff of ISRO. While she was alive, Wilayat had always counselled against it. Sakina complains of the ‘communal attitude’ of the ISRO staff. ‘Her highness would and could have set these bunch of staff straight,’ she rues.
Later in the book, her thoughts turn to her brother:
The stoic son of Princess Wilayat Mahal the only brother of mine Princess Sakina Mahal must face the world with great courage for the greater sake of the dynasty.
Ali Raza was thinking about Sakina, too. Towards the end of the book, he takes over the writing and describes an event that must have had a devastating impact on Sakina.
He begins quite abruptly but we know it is him, since the language becomes sparer suddenly, even a bit more coherent, and he acknowledges that it is he who is now writing.
This continued reference towards the Princess’s stead = In context = Between the Princess in Rest = And Princess Sakina’s regular lighting of the candle = Though in no way had I or Would I like to contest – Between Princess Wilayat Mahal and Princess Sakina … I have no audacity to intervene
Yet I Prince Cyrus A. R. Had built up a retentive decision for the greater security of the two princesses which I desired not to leave to anyone.
I have burnt my nights without sleep = I have burnt my days = each day to contest with the following day. Every cruel evening
Candle by candle =
The silent glow =
I could no longer bear Princess Sakina’s state of mind.
Here Ali Raza is referring to the practice Sakina had of burning a candle every evening in the place where Wilayat had died, under one of the arches in the mahal.
He writes that Sakina’s melancholy was ‘not easy’ to observe and that it was ‘crushing’ him inside. He then made a drastic decision.
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On the eve of Wilayat Mahal’s next death anniversary, Ali Raza made sure that Sakina was busy having her breakfast, which he says she always had late like her mother.
I held the crowbar = and silently stepped out = and gave a final glance to her = I solemnly stepped towards the resting stead of princess Wilayat Mahal. Indescribable concealed sorrow in my heart.
He then smashed the other grave that Sakina had made for herself next to where Wilayat lay buried.
Two strokes of the heavy crowbar—I smashed and struck that future stead of Princess Sakina’s reticence which she had counselled—determined for her burial.
He went on to open the vault using the crowbar in which Wilayat was buried and accessed her corpse.
Same content posture as before 10th September 1993 Before 2:40 PM No difference only extreme silence = This silence was unbearable for me Prince Cyrus. I broke down alone besides immortal princess … I placed my forehead on the forehead of the Princess. Embraced Princess == I felt warmth in my self.
He took out the corpse and laid it outside, careful enough to put a pillow under the head. Then, he set the corpse to fire.
I do not need verses and scriptures Then solemnly == with a single match stick of the same match box left over with the cigarettes on that table 2:40 p.m. That time chosen by the Princess == conferred to the pious flames Now Princess was in the safest guardian of the flames == to remain unseen and untouched by any human.
Later, the siblings would tell reporters that the cremation was a mutual decision, taken because they noticed their mother’s body was not preserved as well as they had envisioned with their embalming. But after Sakina’s death, Ali Raza reveals what really happened. It had been his plan and executed without Sakina’s knowledge or consent.
As the body burnt and fire cracked open the bones and singed the flesh, the sounds it made alarmed the dogs, who began running and ‘growling with heavy voices’.
This alerted Sakina, who stepped outside.
Princess came out as Princess saw me = and this foundation and Princess Wilayat Mahal conferred to the flames The flames were at their commanding heights = whilst stepping out = Princess missed the step of the high stone stairs = and stumbled on the rocky ground yet she stood and rushed towards the flames of the fire.
Completely unaware. How severely she was hurt. But I noticed how the blood was flowing all through the neck = Princess stood in pain holding her hurt back but yet rushed towards the fire.
Ali Raza writes that he came in between the fire and Sakina.
Sakina screamed I held her firmly.
Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone
I Want To See Princess
I Want To See Princess
I Want To Meet Princess
I Want To Meet Princess
Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone.
Afterwards, Ali Raza writes that he remained standing near the flames all day. In the evening, Sakina came out of the monument, followed by the dogs ‘because they always walk beside her’. Her eyes were ‘completely swollen’, he observed, due to the fall earlier, seeing which he ‘broke down inwardly’.
She had some difficulty in sitting down opposite him, on the other side of the grave, which no more existed. They did not speak to each other and sat like that all through the night, accompanied by the dogs.
They waited for the hour to become 2.40 p.m. in the afternoon the next day; the date was exactly one year after the death of Wilayat. Collecting her ashes in a glass bowl, they went to the roof of the mahal and allowed the wind to carry them away.
After this, Sakina wrote a few more entries herself, in which she expressed severe depression. ‘I am distinctly conscious to experience time further for me is unbearable’, she writes, and: ‘All that is left is cruelty and darkness- …Why am I living? What for? The dynasty of the dead must include me whether it is possible or impossible.
This excerpt from ‘The House of Awadh: A Hidden Tragedy’ by Aletta André and Abhimanyu Kumar has been published with permission from HarperCollins Publishers India.