Who pays on a first date? This loaded question has forever divided rooms. Confused feminists bicker in the centre and men who want women to pay up are banished to the petty corner. Twenty-somethings of the world’s fifth largest economy now follow cheat codes—when the bill for two burgers arrives, everyone’s jockeying for power.
Since we are scoring transactionships in the name of love, it’s time to get smart about investment. From paid dating app subscriptions, balancing the sheets of affection, to calculating the cost of ice cream cones, it’s all part of one business. We aren’t going on 50 First Dates (2004) like Henry and Lucy, because who has the resources for all that boat fuel and breakfast? With our emotional bandwidth and state of financial affairs, what’s reasonable is 50 casual strolls in a park. Make it BYOB, Bring Your Own Banana.
Naturally, most men pay on first dates. And I only let them when I have a good time. It’s my gift to guys, an opportunity to treat me. On bad dates, I grab the bill like a desi uncle trying to upstage his brother-in-law. I’m too proud to owe anything to them.
Who should pay then?
But this isn’t very High-Value Woman behaviour—the new pop culture clique I should join. If he makes you reach for your wallet in any case, the rule is to friendzone him. Compare the cost of your outfit, shoes, perfume, makeup, styled hair, nails and pepper spray on one side of the table, with a cheap Arsenal jersey on the other. Footing the dinner bill is the bare minimum he can do.
50 Cent, an American rapper and questionable human being in general, tried to settle the debate of who pays on The Late Night Show with Stephen Colbert in 2022. “Whoever’s idea was to go on a date should pay,” he said. High-Value Women won’t fight him on this because they don’t ask men out in the first place. And when they do, servers are always there to put the so-called ‘provider’ on the spot. “Sir, will you pay via UPI?”
Then there are those who have learned to play the system. Dating apps and hustle are part of the same culture. You need a certain growth mindset to ace first dates.
Vivian Tu is viral on the internet because of a controversial confession—“I went on six dates a week — and didn’t have to buy groceries for two years.” She saved about $150 every week and won the girl math crown. Men, who can’t even land one free date in six months, call her “borderline unethical”. But Tu has explained, she wasn’t speed dating for food; she just found a more affordable quest for love.
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Battling CTZ rizz, fragile egos
The most sustainable model is splitting the cost of at least the first date because it keeps the power dynamic in check for the second date. And thanks to Splitwise, GPay, PayTM, WhatsApp etc, you don’t have to be rude about asking for half payment. All it takes is a single request notification.
You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but there’s still going to be Delhi boys who will be triggered.
My flatmate lived to tell the tale. She suggested splitting the bill with a Vasant Kunj boy. The colour of his face changed as he clutched his credit cards. “I understand you are a working woman, that doesn’t mean you can show off like this in front of me,” he said, in all seriousness. As an alpha male, he only has the CTC rizz, and he relies on it too heavily. His ego is a fragile toffee wrapper, crinkling at the sight of Gandhi-jis coming out of a woman’s purse.
What used to be the muddled code of chivalry or a thoughtful gesture has turned into a “what you bring to the table” game in modern relationships. And is it cash? For those who aren’t turned on by manly money, or going Dutch, there’s another way to settle the tab—the honour system of rock, paper and scissors.
Views are personal.
(Edited by Zoya Bhatti)
On a lighter note, husbands would say, We are still paying for the first date.