What would you have rather watched – the ‘maha’ big fight between the BJP and the Shiv Sena, the EU MPs sailing serenely down the Dal Lake or the muddy brown film that passes for air in New Delhi?
None of the above? What about Prime Minister Narendra Modi sharing his Mann Ki Baat on Diwali, Guru Nanak and Sardar Patel this Sunday?
Or, the commander-in-chief of the United States armed forces announcing the killing of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi? “The thug … spent his last moments in utter fear, in total panic and dread, terrified…,” said US President Donald Trump.
Go on, be honest: no matter how much you admire the PM, worry about Delhi’s putrid air, envy the EU MPs’ Kashmir holiday or deplore the ‘50: 50’ bargain battle in Maharashtra, you’d prefer to watch Donald Trump, who, to use one of his favorite words, was ‘terrific’.
Also read: US releases video of attack on al-Baghdadi compound
Trump and dogs
In a 45-minute press conference Sunday, he was presidential, egotistical, mendacious and clownish. He also displayed a hitherto unknown talent as a writer: “He died after running into a dead-end tunnel, whimpering and crying and screaming all the way…”
Isn’t that the stuff of movies? No wonder Trump thought he had watched one when he witnessed, live, the US Delta forces hunt down the ‘brutal killer’, in the Situation Room of the White House.
Then, there was the delightfully confusing bit about the dog. First, he praised the “K-9” – which sounded like ‘canine’– as a “beautiful dog, a talented dog” who chased the villainous Baghdadi down the tunnel and to “certain death”.
Next minute, he was describing, in minute detail, how the “brutal killer” “…died like a dog. He died like a coward”.
That left you to wonder what Trump really thinks about dogs – are they the heroes of this story or the villain? “Some very mixed messages about dogs,” commented comedian Trevor Noah on Comedy Central.
Also read: Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the IS leader known for barbaric executions & love for football
Hindi news & Mission Kayla
Hindi news channels were mightily impressed by K-9 and sufficiently inspired by Trump’s descriptions – in reports about Baghdadi’s death, the “America’s Killer K-9” featured most prominently.
He was seen flying through the air like Krypto, Superman’s dog, as bombs exploded, on Zee News and News18 India.
Aaj Tak featured ‘Delta commando’ forces racing hither and thither before everything went up in smoke. Same thing happened on India TV with vivid reconstructions of “Mission Kayla”, featuring helicopters, troops, dogs, and Baghdadi trussed up in his suicide jacket.
Just like in the movies.
By the way, American ABC News channel enacted similar war-like scenes, so the Hindi channels are in good company.
The only thing missing was using Baghdadi’s underwear to ascertain his DNA – guess that was too gross for our news channels.
An Oscar for Colbert, Meyers
The American late-night stand-up comic commentators were transfixed by Trump’s performance. On YouTube, you can watch Stephen Colbert (The Late Show), Seth Meyers (Late Night), Jimmel Kimmel (Jimmy Kimmel Live!) enjoy themselves at his expense, the same way they have for the last three years. Why, Colbert and Myers could win Oscars for their imitations of Trump – in speech and mannerism.
“I would also like to congratulate President Donald J. Trump – but he just makes it so damn hard,” joked Colbert.
Trevor Noah said that Trump wasn’t the kind of person who kept the details to himself, “no he sounds like a dude on the local news channel who saw some s…”
Now, if only Indian news channels had a tradition of satire. For reasons best known to them, the closest they come to smiling is when they bare their teeth at the opposition during prime-time debates.
Also read: While Osama was trying to convince supporters he was alive, Zarqawi declared Islamic State
A show that dares to laugh at power
One show is an exception: The Week That Wasn’t with Cyrus Broacha (CNN News 18). Broacha and the news channel deserve a round of applause for daring to laugh at power.
Each Sunday, Broacha broaches subjects considered taboo on other shows: this week, he poked fun at Devendra Fadnavis and poll surveys – when ‘ordinary citizens’ are asked to prove that they voted in the assembly elections, by showing him their finger, they do precisely that – only it’s the middle finger.
There’s also Mr Ulta-Pulta Neta who is giving a speech but has changed parties so many times, he no longer remembers which one he belongs to – the NCP, the Shiv Sena, the BJP or the Congress. When he discovers it’s the latter, he begins, “I want to thank the Congress, under the able leadership of…. who?”
Akshay Kumar’s Housefull 4, the sorry state of the economy and e-commerce also come in for some laughs – need money? Take a loan from PMC.
‘Shop online and save 100%’; How? Pat comes the reply, “After Diwali we will return everything”.
Ok, so he’s not Colbert, Meyers, Kimmel or Noah but Broacha goes where no one on Indian TV dares to go – and don’t you just want to hug him?
Of Pakistan & terrorists
Finally, a random glance through any evening’s prime-time coverage will reveal that Pakistan receives the most favoured nation status on most of them.
Tuesday, Times Now saw Pakistan as the main character in #KashmirTourRow when ‘secret’ intelligence papers indicated plots by Pakistan proxies; News X said “Pak No. 2 ally dumps it” while reporting Saudi Arabia’s change of heart towards Islamabad.
News18 India claimed that Indian cricket captain was on the hit list of terrorists from Pakistan, “Pak-backed terrorists” killed five labourers in Kulgam, said Republic. Even a discussion on the four people hounded at a Bengaluru cinema for not standing up for the national anthem saw someone ask them, “Are you Pakistani terrorists?” (Mirror Now).
Also read: Is it a crime not to stand for the national anthem? Law is silent, Supreme Court ambiguous