Swara Bhaskar, Richa Chaddha, Kareena Kapoor and now Sonakshi Sinha. Fame has not protected these Bollywood stars from Hindu men who cannot accept the fact that they’ve chosen Muslims as life partners and husbands. But it’s more than just religion that’s at play here. It’s the moral policing of adult women.
What started as media speculation about Sonakshi’s marriage to boyfriend Zaheer Iqbal on 23 June quickly escalated into unsolicited opinion-giving on social media. Honestly, who asked them? And even more importantly, who cares what they have to say?
Khamosh—Sonakshi Sinha marrying a Muslim man is not everybody’s business.
Sonakshi Sinha to marry Zaheer Iqbal. When your parents have all the resources in the world, yet they don't teach you basic Dharmic values but raise you as a secular, you easily fall into the LJ trap. Sonakshi is a classic example of that.
On Kaun Banega Crorepati, when asked… pic.twitter.com/ksY4bhvO0R
— Rakesh Krishnan Simha (@ByRakeshSimha) June 10, 2024
The saviour complex is a peculiar concept. Save someone, whether or not they need your saving. This complex becomes even more pronounced – and vengeful – when a ‘poor woman’, probably ‘lost spiritually’, falls in love with a Muslim man. It’s always the women who are subject to this scrutiny. How dare their love transcend religion?
काश बचपन में रामायण का पाठ सिखाया होता तो आज यह दिन न देखने पड़ते।
— ☕4 (@tea_4r) June 11, 2024
Women don’t exactly get to choose in our country. This is especially true for romantic partners – they can’t be from a different caste, and certainly not a different religion. Mutual consent? It’s a concept lost in the din of tradition and societal expectations.
Don’t infantilise women
Questioning a woman’s choice to be with a Muslim – choice being the key word here – is rooted in more than just Islamophobia. It’s patriarchy in its purest form. It assumes that women are simply incapable of making the right decisions for themselves.
Take this X (formerly Twitter) user, who went on to question Shatrughan Sinha’s leadership skills. A man who couldn’t ‘control’ his own daughter cannot be expected to control his constituency, he said about the actor-turned-politician.
But he missed a crucial fact – being a father is about supporting one’s children, not controlling them. The X user doesn’t seem to have much knowledge of our democracy either—an MLA ‘serves’ his constituency. He does not ‘control’ it. But then, not much can be expected of Indian men who assume the role of expert gyan-givers on sanskar and sanskriti on social media.
With the viciousness of the comments gaining ground, Shatrughan Sinha shared his views on his daughter’s choices.
“All I can say is, these days, children don’t seek permission from parents, they just inform. We are waiting to be informed,” he said. Many immediately read between the lines to conclude that he was a helpless and hapless father. They conveniently skipped the rest of his comments.
“We trust her judgement completely. She would never make an extra-constitutional or illegal decision. As a consenting adult, she has the right to make her own decisions.”
What Iqbal and Sinha choose to do is nobody’s business but their respective families.
In this dance of rumours, even comedian Sunil Pal criticised Sonakshi for not informing her father about the upcoming nuptials. There is a concept called eloping, and many do it for romantic reasons. Sinha and Iqbal might also want to.
Also, Shatrughan may simply be wanting to protect his daughter’s privacy. Wouldn’t it be better to just take his statement with a pinch of salt?
Never mind provisions like the Special Marriage Act, which safeguard the rights of individuals from different faiths who choose to marry. Vitriolic comments simply show how much men love infantilising women.
Apart from Bhaskar, Chaddha and Kapoor, prominent TV personalities like Mini Mathur, who married director Kabir Khan, and actor Shruti Seth, who married filmmaker Danish Aslam, have also been criticised for their choices. TV actor Devoleena Bhattacharjee also faced backlash for marrying her Muslim fitness trainer.
India’s most popular interfaith couple, Shah Rukh Khan and Gauri Khan, have often spoken about the need to respect each other’s faith in a marriage. “I think everybody is an individual and follows their religion. But obviously, there should be no disrespect,” Gauri had said on Koffee with Karan in 2005.
Maybe the popular adage, Miya biwi raazi, toh kya karega qazi should be listened to. It really means that if two consulting adults want to marry, nothing can stop them.
Marriage is a choice. Simple.
But it is often the simplest of things that perplex people the most.
Views are personal.
(Edited by Zoya Bhatti)