A 15-year-old Indian student choosing humanities over science after Class 10 and a 27-year-old actress from the country starring in one of Netflix’s biggest shows would probably have one thing in common — the disapproval of the desi family. Charithra Chandran, the British-Indian actress who portrayed Edwina Sharma in the much-lauded show Bridgerton in 2022, recently spoke about how her parents still aren’t supportive of her decision to become an actress.
Chandran has established herself as a rising actor over the past few years. She was part of the British spy series Alex Rider (2021) and will now feature in an upcoming theatrical production of Rosie Day’s Instructions for a Teenage Armageddon in London. But the actress told the BBC that for the longest time, her grandparents never saw her professional choice as a “proper job”.
The world has changed, TikToking may even be considered a profession now. But for desi parents, a job means going to a brick-and-mortar office all suited up and getting a paycheque at the end of the month.
This longstanding characteristic of Indian parents scoffing at their children’s dreams and ignoring their accomplishments in non-academic fields must end now. Desi kids, like modern Sisyphuses, have long tried to please their families and make them proud at the cost of their dreams. What’s needed is a change in parents’ outlook toward their children’s careers and success. More importantly, why does the onus fall on children to alter their lives to please their parents?
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‘Beta, settle kab ho rahe ho?’
I loathe the word ‘settle’. All of us who want to work unconventional jobs or try new things in life have heard this dreaded word from our parents, grandparents, an inquisitive aunt or uncle in one form or the other: “Beta, settle kab ho rahe ho? (So, when are you finally settling down?)”
It may come from a place of concern, but it essentially shrouds a disregard for your dreams, no matter how real and concrete they may seem to you.
In the BBC interview, Chandran explained how her grandparents found it hard to understand her career choice because of how female actors in India in the 1950s and 1960s used to be treated. That is an understandable concern, and admittedly, a lot of life choices that young people make nowadays are new and unexplored for people of the older generation. But there is a thin line between support and acceptance — one that desi families just don’t get.
Parents don’t need to ‘accept’ their child’s life choices but simply support and trust them to make good decisions or course-correct if necessary.
Sometimes, what we desi kids look for isn’t stellar praise but just a simple nod from our parents, an assurance that they trust us in whatever we choose to do and that they will be there for us if we fail.
Edwina Sharma in Bridgerton introduced a person of colour, specifically of Indian origin, into the predominantly white ensemble of the show. As the romantic interest of the main lead, her character also broke stereotypes about the kind of roles given to South Asian people of colour.
Her parents may not consider it a real job, but the Samsung Rising Star Award, which she won at GLAMOUR’s Women of the Year Awards in 2022, definitely does.
Views are personal.
(Edited by Humra Laeeq)