Indian women have had it. Their quiet desperation is now beginning to show. And they want Prime Minister Narendra Modi to do something about it. Because only Modi can change lazy Indian men. Or so they assume.
Why not. After all, Modi’s call – or nudge — has made Indians use toilets instead of rice paddies, pay up more for cooking gas cylinders, and kick their cash habits.
But this time the challenge is big, even for Modi. He has to train Indian men to work at home. Literally.
The coronavirus pandemic has not been easy for anyone, but for women, it has been especially difficult. Not only do they have to deal with their entire families being home for an extended period of time, they also have to come to terms with the sheer incompetence of Indian men, which they had perhaps, prior to this, chosen to wilfully ignore. Not anymore.
An Indian woman has started an online petition asking PM Modi to tell husbands to share the burden of household chores. The petition has garnered over 70,000 signatures so far.
“If Mr. Modi can inspire us to light lamps and clap in solidarity, he can inspire us to correct an unfair norm that discriminates against women in every home,” Subarna Ghosh’s petition reads.
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The burden of household chores has always been viewed as the domain of the woman, according to our patriarchal ‘culture’. Before the pandemic, men could excuse themselves from these chores by citing rigorous office hours. Of course, that sort of escape is not available to women, pandemic or not. They work in offices and (unpaid) at home. However, there is not much men can hide behind now, confined to their homes as they are.
So it was kind of a masterstroke by Subarna Ghosh to pull out the Brahmastra – appeal to the alpha male of Indian politics.
Not sure if Modi himself understands what sharing the burden actually entails, since he is not in a marriage, but what this petition highlights is that there are at least 10,000 people who believe that unless Indian men get a shove from someone much superior, they are not going to actually contribute to household labour. This is the women’s last resort.
The lockdowns and coronavirus infection fear has meant that Indian middle-class families are no longer relying on domestic workers. When the workers stopped coming, even men who talk about gender equality or even believe in it, showed their true colours — and ignored the extra load. So, the burden unfairly fell on women, many of whom were picking up after both adults and children in their home, cleaning, cooking and being answerable to their office bosses.
So much for those glossy advertisements urging men to ‘share the load’.
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#ShareTheLoad — but only for Instagram
A few years ago, there was a Lloyd ‘unisex’ washing machine advertisement where the woman specifically asks the salesman if her husband can operate the machine. So easy, ‘even sir can use it’, was the line in the ad. It had to be easy for Indian men to do household work. If it is a complicated machine, it had to be women. Rosie, the riveter, just punched up from her grave.
When Ariel began its #ShareTheLoad campaign, urging men to help women do laundry, about five years back, it was hailed for its ‘progressive’ outlook towards household labour. When was it a woman-only load? But something is better than nothing.
Ariel brought this campaign back during the lockdown with a very telling fact that women sleep much less than men due to the additional work they have to do. Most men didn’t really care about this little fact before Ariel very benevolently informed them about it. And most probably didn’t care after knowing it.
Thus began a social media campaign of men ‘sharing the burden’ with Instagram posts, very narcissistically portraying how they were doing their wives, mothers and partners a favour by doing the bare minimum. But hey, the ‘beta’ of the family picked up the ‘jhaadu’ — what more could you ask for.
Ariel was not alone, India Gate Basmati Rice had its own campaign called #MenAtWork, which urged men to aid household chores such as cooking and washing utensils. Even the UN chimed in and launched a #HeForSheAtHome campaign in April this year.
But aside from the social media clout, these ads have not really achieved anything. When you ask men to ‘aid, share, help’, you are still saying that the primary responsibility lies with women and your job is to just make their life a little easier. And that’s the problem. Because no, it is not about ‘helping’ women. It’s about equal sharing of work – without women asking them to do it. If equal work-equal pay is a global feminist slogan for workforce, then at home, it should be ‘equal work for no money’.
By doing equal work at home, you are not doing anyone a favour. Identify that it is YOUR work as much as your wife, sister, mother or partner’s.
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Inequities on ‘steroids’
According to Claudia Goldin, an economics professor at Harvard University, in this pandemic, existing inequities are now “on steroids”.
It’s not just lack of sleep. Compared to men, women are logging in much fewer hours because it is difficult to concentrate on work when you have to make sure that your house functions, your children are getting food and that they are able to log into their cumbersome online classes.
There have been several videos of children invading their mothers’ online conferences, and while it may be cute in the moment — it just belies the fact that men are least bothered to take care of children when women are busy working.
Well, if the horrendous Netflix show Indian Matchmaking has made anything clear, it is the fact that too many Indian men do not know the first thing about entering an equal relationship. And god forbid, you marry them, they will expect hand-to-mouth deluxe service that they are used to from their coddling mothers.
One would think that a pandemic would be the perfect opportunity to shake them out of their apathy. However, if the petitions and several news reports are anything to go by — the situation is quite hopeless.
Indian men, do better — for yourselves, at least.
Views are personal.
This article has been updated.
Print Editor: Next time you have a constipation have a online petition to Modi. He can motivate you. Are you guys foolish, really this foolish? Why don’t you run a print campaign. It cannot be motivated by the PM. Grow up. You shall lose readership soon.
Nobody to speak for men. Men should provide for the family and should work in the kitchen also. Let the empowered women watch serials
Lesson for the yet to be married women. Stay single to Stay happy, if you can.
If someone’s wife is a homemaker
I don’t understand why they should share responsibility
A Brahmchaari who left his own wife on the mercy of others should tell the men to share the burden. Slumdogs are really world’s biggest hypocrite nation which treats this mass murderer as if he did not commit genocide and mass rape of Muslims in Gujarat, and that he is a proud husband who does all the work of home with his patni.
Asking Indian men to share work is well-intentioned definitely; but this will solve half of the problem. The second half will be solved only if the women stop coddling their sons more than their daughters.
And that plea is being made to a man who ditched his own wife and left her in the lurch.