As the prices of petroleum goods in Pakistan were hiked by Rs 22 last night, a new wave of inflation is set to welcome the spring. Also bombarding us are the latest spring and summer collections in clothing stores across the country. It is for you to choose between eating, dressing up and praying. Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif has assured the nation that he will sell his clothes to feed us, but I wonder who will even buy them. Not me, at least, for lack of funds, of course.
G20 vs Gareeb20
“How did Pakistan get here?” is a question that everyone has a different answer to. Where else would it have reached, if not where it’s at, considering how it has been run so far? Not a superpower, but super power-less, for sure. But all is not lost—2047 is the year Pakistan will become an economic superpower. That said, all we have to do now is to wait for 24 years to pass by like 24 hours. And then we will rule the world.
In this waiting time, Pakistan should not look at India’s economic progress at all. What good will it do to us? US president Joe Biden told Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi how the Air India-Boeing deal would provide a million jobs to Americans. India became the 5th largest economy in the world, leaving behind the UK. Then the country found Lithium reserves in Kashmir, while ‘Kashmir banega Pakistan’ is still an unfound idea. That India has the presidency of G20 should be no bother for Pakistan. The latter has its own league of G20, best known as Gareeb 20. Considering now Saudi Arabia doesn’t follow a no-strings aid policy, there aren’t any friends with benefits left for Pakistan.
Also read: Pakistan in no shape to fix its economy. Currency crisis adding pressure on dollar reserves
Eat, pray, bomb
“Kuch na kar kuch na kar tu, sab kuch allah pay chhod de, bas allah he tera hafiz hai, (don’t do anything, leave everything to God)” borrowed from a song is the motto of Pakistan. That’s why we hear Finance Minister Ishaq Dar console the nation and reiterate that Allah created Pakistan, so Allah is responsible for Pakistan’s prosperity and development. Like he said, leave everything to the higher being and just chill. For the finance minister, the future is anything but bleak. He should be given charge of the religious ministry next.
Not too far from Islamic remedies for the economy is the far-right group Tehreek-e-Labbaik (TLP). On occasions when TLP leaders aren’t busy inciting violence on religious minorities, they share wisdom to solve economic woes. In one such rant, TLP leader Saad Hussain Rizvi reprimanded the government for begging the world for money and even taking the Pakistan Army chief on such visits.
“I suggest the prime minister and his cabinet should take Quran in one hand and atom bomb suitcase in the other hand, then see how they will all bow down to Pakistan,” he said. Looking at where the International Monetary fund (IMF) deal is headed, the PM should at least order a custom spinner wheel suitcase for the atom bomb.
There is a fast-track economy gene in the Rizvi family. TLP founder Khadim Hussain Rizvi also triggered a happy prescription for debt repayment. It included telling the West that interest is haram in Islam, “Tell them that we will pay the basic debt amount but only when Pakistan has enough money to pay off. But if they still try to bully, say “lo ji fir Ghauri aya.”
Other times, Rizvi convinced us that his financial team would solve all of Pakistan’s problems if he came to power. This shadow team’s qualification?
“They wear jean-pant, they are not molvis,” he said. Blame it on our luck that he died before this jean-pant cabinet could test its skills.
Not too far from these remedies is another TikTok and YouTube cleric Nasir Madni who has suggested that Shehbaz Sharif forget the IMF and start a chit-fund among 57 Islamic countries. “Ask each country to deposit one billion dollars and take the first committee. That way, Pakistan won’t need the IMF.” Then he shared how Pakistan can just take the 57 billion and not continue depositing more money in this home remedy.
Also read: The two Pakistans—one waits at Tim Hortons, another dies for a bag of flour
Chicken and chai
Chicken has crossed the Rs 750 mark this week, so suggestions to stop eating chicken are more than welcome. People ask, is this why Pakistan got separated? Is this the two-nation theory for which we now become vegetarians?
From one C to another—Chai. Leave chai and start sattu (gram flour drink). And when sattu prices go up, start looking at Google images of both chai and sattu. Pakistan imported tea worth $400 million last year. But let them drink Tim Hortons. Not to forget that the government has made it clear that we don’t even have money to buy poison. No, not from Dior.
The author is a freelance journalist from Pakistan. She tweets @nailainayat. Views are personal.
(Edited by Ratan Priya)