New Delhi: Two months before her wedding, Delhi doctor Sonali Saini went to Goa with her girlfriends. She returned with an acute case of cold feet. Riddled with anxiety, she called off the wedding. Neither her fiance nor their families could convince her otherwise. That’s when a pre-marriage counsellor stepped in to save the relationship.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t love him. I just got so scared that I couldn’t imagine myself getting married. We are very different, and I was worried—what if this doesn’t last?” said Saini. It took 20 sessions and 40 hours of counselling for her to address her fears. Now, she’s filled with a renewed sense of clarity and confidence.
Premarital counselling is the newest addition to the rituals around wedding planning. There’s cocktail sangeet, couture, and now, counsellors and coaches. This trend is slowly taking hold in a society that has traditionally relied on family and community for support. With divorce rates rising, there’s increasing anxiety among young couples, who are convinced that love and mum’s advice alone don’t guarantee a happily ever after.
Psychologists and therapists are preparing Gen Z for the realities of married life—resolving conflicts, improving communication skills, navigating expectations, and equipping them with tools to anticipate and address future challenges.
We both decided to go for pre-marriage counselling. We learned a lot about each other in that process. It helped us understand each other better. I am the emotional one and always want to talk about feelings. She is the opposite. Now, we both respect each other’s space
Anmol Anand, Sonali Saini’s fiance
From personality assessment tests to single-session counselling and trust-building exercises, therapists are helping couples strengthen their relationships. In cities like Delhi, Gurgaon, and Mumbai, they are fast becoming go-to professionals in India’s booming wedding industry, bridging the gap between grand celebrations and the gritty realities of married life.
“This is still new, but more and more people are opting for it. It’s not always about solving a problem. Marriage is hard, and we just prepare couples for what’s ahead,” said Richa Hora, a pre-marriage coach who runs a practice in Delhi’s Panchsheel Park.
Saini had been dating Anmol Anand for three years before they decided to get married. By then, they were well aware of their different personalities. One is ‘emotional’, the other practical. Pre-marriage counselling helped them iron out these kinks.
“It helps couples identify their core values and expectations, be it life goals, career aspirations, financial management, or parenting. This is done through enhancing communication skills, addressing potential red flags, setting realistic expectations, and strengthening emotional connections,” said Dr Prerna Kohli, clinical psychologist and founder of MindTribe HealthCare, a platform of mental health professionals. She gives them the building blocks to lay a foundation built on “trust, respect, and intimacy”.
Pre-marriage counselling isn’t cheap. Hora’s ‘full course’ of 12 to 20 sessions starts at Rs 25,000. Kohli charges Rs 5,000 for one 30-minute session. Saini and Anand took 20 sessions at a cost of Rs 1,500 for each.
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When love isn’t enough
When Saini and Anand transitioned from close friends to lovers, they knew that marriage was on the cards. For Anand the right moment came when he was selected for a government job. Their parents were brought on board, and the date was set.
“I was just waiting for her to come back from Goa so we could start shopping for our wedding. But when she told me she didn’t want to get married, every nerve in my brain was about to explode,” said Anand.
The couple would talk for hours on the phone, but their conversations were almost always combative. As the fights intensified, Anand was almost certain that they wouldn’t get married. Both families talked and decided to call off the wedding. They had already spent lakhs on the engagement, and the bookings were done.
Then, they decided to give therapy a shot.
“I talked to Sonali, and we both decided to go for pre-marriage counselling. We learned a lot about each other in that process. It helped us understand each other better. I am the emotional one and always want to talk about feelings. She is the opposite. Now, we both respect each other’s space,” said Anand.
The goal of pre-marriage counselling is to address potential conflicts before they arise and equip couples with tools for problem-solving, and emotional intimacy
-Dr Prerna Kohli, psychologist
That was one of their biggest takeaways from counselling.
“The goal of pre-marriage counselling is to address potential conflicts before they arise and equip couples with tools for problem-solving, and emotional intimacy,” said Kohli.
At first, Anand and Saini went for individual sessions, followed by joint sessions where they would sit together, and discuss their needs, boundaries, and fears.
“All this while, I tried to communicate with her the way I wanted her to communicate with me. But now I do it in a way she likes. I give her some space, ask if she wants to talk, and proceed,” said Anand.
Now, their fights have eased. The wedding is back on track for February.
But not every conflict ends with a big fat wedding. There are couples who are unable to reconcile their differences and part ways.
“If significant incompatibilities, unresolved conflicts, or serious concerns emerge during counselling, I highlight these issues and encourage further reflection,” said Kohli. There have been instances where couples, upon deeper exploration, realise that their goals and values simply do not align.
“In such cases, I provide them with the support to make informed decisions,” she added.
Kohli cited studies showing premarital counselling helps lower divorce rates. Nearly 50 per cent of marriages without counselling end in divorce, she said. “However, for couples who participate in premarital counselling, the divorce rate drops significantly to 20 per cent or less.”
Fidelity, finances, and family planning are some of the concerns that couples want to talk about before they get married. One of the most common fears: We love each other today, but what guarantees that will last?
Fear, family, and finances
Certified life coach Richa Hora is almost fully booked on weekdays. Eight years ago, when she started her practice, would conduct premarital counselling sessions for free, working with just one or two couples a month. But as divorce rates climbed and fears about marriage grew, demand increased. Today, she sees six to seven couples a day.
Hora uses what she calls the ‘Know Your Partner’ method to help couples. She asks about their fears, explores their personalities through multiple questions, and guides them in understanding each other better.
“To live together, there has to be a match in finances, family planning, and the values and belief system,” said Hora.
Rising divorce rates, fear of heartbreak, and anxiety about ‘failing’ at marriage are pushing more couples toward counselling. Therapy is no longer taboo.
“People are scared of the possibility that their partner may change after marriage. In society, weddings are glorified. But marriage is hard, and one should be prepared for the tough times,” said Hora. More and more, couples are saying ‘I do’ with their eyes wide open.
According to many counsellors, partners should be aware of each other’s fears, needs, and boundaries. With the help of counselling, they become aware of these aspects as well.
“You enter the arena with all the information. It gives you awareness and understanding of what you’re getting into and how to manoeuvre your life in the right direction,” said Hora.
Questions like, ‘Will we truly understand each other?’ or ‘Will our views on finances, family, and children align?’ are frequently at the heart of the sessions
Richa Hora, certified life coach
Fidelity, finances, and family planning are some of the concerns that couples want to talk about before they get married. One of the most common fears: We love each other today, but what guarantees that will last?
“Questions like, ‘Will we truly understand each other?’ or ‘Will our views on finances, family, and children align?’ are frequently at the heart of the sessions,” said Hora. For working women, the most common question is: “Will I be allowed to work as I do now?”
All these concerns are addressed during counselling—a quick reality check before marriage.
The biggest surprises in marriage aren’t major disagreements but how everyday priorities, behaviour, and dynamics start changing. Counselling helps sync pre-marriage expectations and what follows after the honeymoon phase wears off.
“The expectations before marriage often change immediately after marriage. They both get comfortable with the idea that they will be together now. That’s why a lot of people feel that their partners have changed after marriage,” said Hora.
Pre-marriage counselling helps couples get on the same page about things that could turn into big fights later.
“In pre-marriage counselling, we teach how to align with each other in terms of finances, family, and children,” said couples counsellor Shan Singh, who runs a clinic in Panchsheel Park. “There are some common factors, such as how many children they want, the role of parents on both sides, and where they are going to live.”
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The price of premarital peace
Pre-marriage counselling isn’t cheap. Hora’s ‘full course’ of 12 to 20 sessions starts at Rs 25,000. Kohli charges Rs 5,000 for one 30-minute session. Saini and Anand took 20 sessions at a cost of Rs 1,500 for each.
“Considering the lakhs of rupees typically spent on an Indian wedding, the cost of counselling is a minuscule investment with an excellent return—fewer conflicts, better communication, and a stronger foundation for a lasting marriage,” said Kohli, echoing the views of Hora and other counsellors.
In India, paying for a service like this is still not widely accepted. Some think it’s an added expense, but having said that, the response has been amazing. Women are more open to it and ready to pay
Shan Singh, couples counsellor
Yet, many families are still reluctant to pay for counselling. Hora calls it an investment in the relationship, but the idea is only just catching on in urban India.
“In India, paying for a service like this is still not widely accepted. Some think it’s an added expense, but having said that, the response has been amazing. Women are more open to it and ready to pay,” said Singh.
Singh tailors her program to each client’s needs.
“Recently, I met a couple who had six issues—from family problems to intimacy. It took 12 hours [over multiple sessions] to resolve everything,” she added.
Hora also prefers to take a fluid approach, with couples deciding how many sessions they need.
“There are people who have been coming to me for two years and some who took only four sessions and were good to go,” she said.
For Sonali Saini and Anmol Anand, it was money well spent. The stress and anxiety have been replaced by wedding excitement.
“I can’t believe that almost a month ago, I was trying to find a way to get out of this relationship, and now I’m struggling to find matching bangles for my wedding lehenga. Everyone says marriage is hard, but now I’m all ready for the battlefield,” said Saini with a grin.
(Edited by Asavari Singh)