New Delhi: There is one desire that cuts across caste, class, and religious divisions in India—a boy. It’s why gynaecologist Dr Aruna Kalra decided to call her new book I Want A Boy. She’s heard it often enough in her two-decade career.
“These days, wealthy families often travel abroad to determine the sex of the foetus. If it aligns with their preference—usually a boy—they proceed with the pregnancy; otherwise, they terminate it. This shows how deeply entrenched patriarchy is, even among the educated elite,” said Kalra at a discussion at New Delhi’s India International Centre on 17 January.
Around 50 people gathered to listen to the all-women panel discussion on I Want a Boy. The frustration at this failure to change this mindset runs through the book, which is based on her professional and personal experiences.
“These are stories I lived every day in my practice. Pregnancy should be a moment of joy, yet for many women, it becomes a battleground of expectations,” Kalra said. Government programmes like Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao and Ladli Laxmi Yojana have barely made a dent. There is still a deeply ingrained gender bias in Indian society,
“This book is not just a mirror to society, but also a call to action, urging us to rethink and challenge regressive traditions,” said Lipika Bhushan, head of MarketMyBook. She was among the panellists, along with Centre for Social Research director Dr Ranjana Kumari, editor Narayani Ganesh, and lawyer Subuhi Khan.
The conversation covered female foeticide, societal misogyny, and the persistent preference for sons—a stark reminder that despite India’s economic progress, it struggles to embrace the girl child.
“Patriarchy doesn’t discriminate—it thrives in both illiterate households and educated, affluent families,” said Bhushan.
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‘Raja Beta Syndrome’
The pressure to have a son isn’t just external. Many women internalise it.
“It’s not just men who are to blame. Many women are upset if they don’t have a son, displaying what I call the Raja Beta Syndrome,” said lawyer Khan.
The obsession with having a male child is rooted in centuries of cultural and societal conditioning. In many parts of India, sons are seen as breadwinners and protecters of the family and daughters as a burden.
“Even with boards in ultrasound clinics warning against sex determination, the practice continues. It’s not the lack of laws but the lack of societal acceptance of gender equality,” said Khan.
But there are regional differences, with this desire for a son being more prevalent in north India.
Panellist Narayani Ganesh, associate editor at The Times of India, gave the example of former Tamil Nadu Chief Minister J Jayalalithaa’s fight against the practice of feeding baby girls poisonous Datura seeds to end their lives. In 1992, she launched the Cradle Baby Scheme to curb female infanticide, awarding districts with gold, silver, and bronze medals for improving the sex ratio
“It took leaders like former Chief Minister Jayalalithaa to address these horrors through grassroots initiatives. Her government’s efforts brought awareness and accountability, improving the state’s sex ratio,” said Ganesh.
The conversation then shifted to how women are still being blamed for not bearing children, especially sons. Ganesh recounted an incident witnessed by her sister, Dr Kamala Selvaraj, at her hospital in Tamil Nadu.
“When couples visit her clinic, the husband often says, ‘Doctor, my wife can’t conceive.’ So my sister always tests the man first, and in many cases, the problem lies with him,” she said.
Kalra also spoke of how many families still react with disappointment when a girl is born, and women start blaming themselves. Instead of congratulations, they get condolences.
“Mostly, people say, ‘Oh, don’t worry, next time it will be a boy,’ or ‘These days, girls are also doing better’. It happens even more if the second child is a girl,” said Kalra.
(Edited by Asavari Singh)
Male and female both are required for creation and equally responsible for livelihood . The defficianency of gender, male or female realizes a human when a lonely persons faces the practical burdens. Males feels when he faces the works of females or Females faces when she faces of practical roles of male. In my opinion males and females are like ” RAILWAY TRACKS ” to run train in accident free .
We raise the girl child, educate her, her expense is 1000 times more than a male child. Yet once she gets married, she doesn’t take of her parents. Her husband gets the benefits of her income if she is educated and working. He says not to help her parents as if we have donated a girl child. A daughter in law is expected to help her in laws financially, who will take care of daughters parents, , dowry is still Bern taken in villages and some urban. That’s correct, that’s why boy child is in demand. A son is a son though there are few cruel sons, a daughter is a daughter until she is unmarried
Jab ye samaj ek ladka bina dowry ke shaadi karega, betiyo ko right hoga parents ki sewa karne ka, unke medical expenses bear karne ka
Koi checkup nahi karayega
Feminism sirf rich logo ke liye hai garibo ki betiya to abhi bhi dowry ke liye jalayi jaati hai
Perverted mentally sick writer of this article. Needs mental treatment. All these feminist propagandas are brain child of illiterate mentally retarded feminists. This doctor’s degree ought to be verified.
Beti Bachao and ladli behana schemes are against the gender equality. Such political gimmicks to appease one gender and neglect other gender must be condemned by all. There is complete chaos anarchy in all courts and police stations in India. No one listens to boys. Girls and women are presumed to be innocent.
Who wants a boy child ? No parent. Parents land up in jail as soon they marry their son. All life long savings and earnings are extorted by women. Women can get a job without qualification, get free metro and bus rides, get free money every month from govt.
Still this writer and doctor claim boys are desired.
Truth is no one wants to give birth to male child