God is a deal-breaker on Hinge. Atheists religiously swipe left on people who believe in the mysterious power of the daddy—or deity—floating in the sky. But the app does not care, it keeps pushing these two wildly opposite varieties of people in each other’s faces. Rahul who goes to the temple every morning is not my most compatible match.
Think about it: If Virat and Anushka didn’t equally believe in the power of Premanand Govind Sharan “Ji Maharaj”, would they be such a power couple? Probably not. On the other end of the spectrum, Javed Akhtar would never have fallen for Shabana Azmi if she believed in the existence of god. That’s just how things work. The chances of a communist marrying a capitalist are higher than a god-fearing person successfully dating someone who winces every time they hear, “Thank God.”
In Nobody Wants This, Kristen Bell’s character has been trying to make it work with the Rabbi for two seasons now. Every finale sets them up for a breakup. They only keep finding their way back to each other because the producers keep green-lighting another season. Fleabag, on the other hand, kept it real. Her romance with the Hot Priest ended because Jesus came in between.
In the case of a PhD scholar in Hyderabad, it was Allah. Her situationship was an associate professor of physics—a literal man of science—who would lose his marbles every time they engaged in a pre-marital handshake. Afterwards, he would grab his pillow and take to the floor, repenting for his sins. She tried to save him for three full semesters, but the god-fearing man was set in his ways—hoping for salvation only after death. I feel like praying for him but I don’t know the right words.
Also read: Everyone’s ‘damaged’ in modern dating. Love will soon be called a mental illness
A strict threshold
One of many anonymous pearls of wisdom floating on the internet is this: A woman believing in religion is like a chicken supporting KFC. Some Hindu women still willingly starve through 16 Mondays, praying to Shiva for at least a 15-LPA-earning husband. And then they end up marrying men who send them straight to God.
“I would never match with a guy who mentions Hindu in his dating profile. That’s a red flag,” said a 29-year-old woman who has never prayed for a man. She is among the lot that thinks every religious person is brainwashed, supremely dumb, and often a misogynist. Even the hottest man looks unattractive if he is sporting a tilak. Jai Shree Ram and PBUH are established trigger warnings in liberal, atheist echo chambers on social media.
When a 27-year-old Delhi boy tried to make it work with a woman of god, he thought she would be as respectful of his non-believer way of life. But nope. She made sure to start an argument over it time and again, calling atheism a sham. “Everyone was created by the power that exists above, how else do you think you came here?” The atheist briefly considered explaining biology to her but some conversations are too long for a third date, especially when there isn’t going to be a fourth.
No matter how brilliant you are, what you believe in eventually becomes your character. Virginia Woolf declared TS Eliot dead when he started believing in god and immortality. “A corpse would seem to me more credible than he is,” she wrote in a letter to her sister Vanessa.
A lesbian looking for a marriage of convenience on Reddit is willing to accept any tall, short, fair, dark, rich, or poor gay man—but she draws the line at religiosity. She aggressively emphasised the atheist part because, according to her, religious people often assume non-believers are simply one miracle away from conversion. She wanted it to be known that no amount of divine marketing was going to work on her. And she won’t take part in any rituals.
It is because of these rituals that my 32-year-old friend in Mumbai is signing up for a court marriage. He, an atheist and caste-aware, is lucky to have found an agnostic partner. “I have only dated the skeptics and the atheists, nothing below it,” he said.
Also read: Sapiosexuals are just snobs who are bad at small talk
Blind faith
Agnostics—whom Javed Akhtar once described as people who think they can be “a little bit pregnant”—can play both sides. In fact, when I went around asking people about their religious beliefs, many refused to give a neat answer. “Maybe a little bit, not too much.” My flatmate said she can tolerate a man of faith if he does not make a big deal about it.
A Bengali man in his 30s, who does not believe in god, is often seen playing the round and round game of agarbatti in temples, only for the sake of his religious wife. To his friends, he says, “I don’t want any drama so I just let her have it.” His wife, meanwhile, seems convinced that the two of them are living proof that Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi.
A 19-year-old gay boy, who was raised catholic but does not identify as one, said that he is okay dating a religious man. “But won’t it annoy you if they go to church every weekend?” I asked. “I am okay if they go every day as long as they don’t drag me,” he replied. He’s young and inclusive.
And what would you do if your boyfriend suddenly reveals himself to be god-loving? A Delhi-based staunch atheist has decided to compromise. Her boyfriend knew she would rip him to shreds if he told her about his religious beliefs, so he decided to hide it. Slowly, the god component started to spill out. He’d whisper Hanuman Chalisa after taking a shower, bow in respect at every passing mandir during the car rides and stay away from non-veg food on Tuesday.
“It was new territory for me. This used to be a deal-breaker,” she said. “I’ve always found believers to either uphold their faith very strongly or eventually impose it. But he doesn’t do any of that. Honestly, I still don’t know why he believes in God because he never talks about it.”
Over time, she stopped reacting every time he did a quick pranam in traffic. He, in turn, stopped acting as if he were hiding something. Miraculously, the relationship has survived.
The boyfriend is equally accepting of her atheism. There is zero friction. So naturally, I asked him: who comes first—god or the girlfriend?
“There’s no difference between my love for God and my love for my partner,” he said. “Both are feelings I don’t understand, trumps reason or logic.” To him, love and religion operate on the same principle: Blind faith.
Views are personal.
(Edited by Theres Sudeep)