I once posted something about caste reservation on my Instagram page. Just a snarky comment against people who blame Dalits and tribals for usurping their seats in engineering and medical colleges. Of course, a lot of people reacted soon after, flooding my comments section and inbox with giggling, sad and fire emojis. Among them was Mr ‘upper caste’ man, whom I had met on a dating app and added as a follower later.
“Ban reservation”, he DM-ed me, and I promptly asked him to shut up. “Why? Are you in favour of it?” he quickly snapped back.
I am a Dalit, and I do not shy away from accepting it. My Instagram bio reads ‘Namasudra Dalit, West Bengal’.
But around 10 men have unfollowed and blocked me since I updated my Instagram bio two years ago. Perhaps they don’t like a fat, hyper-independent woman like me. Or they simply want zero association with a woman from the Dalit community.
Being a Dalit woman on dating apps
When I saw a woman write ‘Jat Pahadan’ in her bio, I was inspired to update mine too. I felt that highlighting my identity was necessary because of how important religious and caste identities are in India.
Many of the men I encountered on dating apps were upper caste or Brahmin, fascinated by the fact that a female photojournalist was talking to them. However, as soon as communication shifted to Instagram, they’d unswipe me from everywhere.
Sourav (name changed), a Sharma working at a Gurugram corporate office, would text me every five minutes – flirting and showering his attention on me. “Let’s talk on Instagram,” he texted. But I realised soon after that I couldn’t follow him back. Mr Sharma had already blocked and unfollowed me from everywhere.
Then, around six months ago, I matched with a man in his mid-30s. A great experience, until our conversation shifted to protests. He recalled protesting at Delhi’s Jantar Mantar, and I was impressed, considering how most of the ‘woke’ men on these apps are proudly apolitical.
“What protest was it?”
“An anti-reservation protest,” he told me.
And I couldn’t react better than a “haha lol”.
Of course, the conversation was no longer the same. When he realised he was telling a Dalit woman about his participation in an anti-reservation protest, his tone shifted. He started behaving like the Gurugram corporate boy.
“See, I understand reservation is necessary, but we need to have EWS…” The same, standard argument you’d expect from an upper-caste man.
Also read: Indian media covers caste only when there’s a tragedy. X, Instagram, YouTube changed that
How do Indians date?
My experiences on dating applications made me think, and think a lot. Do people in India even date outside their caste or class? If casteism is as dead as some people claim, then why are so many young men only looking for partners within their caste?
I have consistently matched with upper-caste men in my four years of online dating. The Sharmas, Kumars, Tiwaris and Chatterjees have dominated my recommendation list. It was only last month that I matched with a Dalit man for the first time.
Dating applications like Bumble and Hinge should include caste preferences in addition to gender. Then, only those who have no problems with my caste will swipe right. Without these filters, women like me, who are apparently ‘too much’ for upper-caste men, will perhaps die single.
Although I do not mind that possibility. I pay my own bills.
Views are personal.
(Edited by Zoya Bhatti)
a) This article is factually incorrect. Bumble and hinge do not offer caste based selection criteria.
b) Maybe the author is so enamoured with her own caste identity that her identity has become her personality. The men might be unfollowing her because of her obsession with caste.
Thank you for writing and raising this and sorry you have to keep dealing with such losers 💙 I hope an exception finds it’s way to you but it’s always awesome to be able to pay your own bills too!
Why would you die single though when you can date another dalit man. Your whole article is so casteist itself that despite of you being one from the community, you have such fantansy about Upper Caste man that you believe if they reject you ,you will be left with no choice. Try dating men from your community, may be then you stop seeking attention from UC men.
Shakal dekhi hai aine mein?
whyy larp for UC men then?
haqhahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahah
Freeloaders write anything and print allws them to. No guy wants to date a freeloader reservationist who has lived their entire life on reservation. People are incompetent as f*** but still think people are going to date them.
Absolutely rubbish article. What nonsense from The Print. Prieveleged creamy layer Dalit woman proudly saying she wants more reservation. This is why this country is not progressing.