She lost her son to ‘bullying’ over gender identity. 3 yrs on, her lonely battle for justice continues

As the case lingers in Punjab & Haryana HC, the mother continues running from pillar to post to seek justice. She says several advocates have 'given up' on the case.

Illustration by Soham Sen/ThePrint

New Delhi: Three years after her 16-year-old son died by suicide after allegedly being bullied for his gender identity, a mother from Haryana’s Faridabad is continuing a lonely legal battle for justice. Monthly hearings at the Juvenile Justice Board (JJB) and biannual proceedings at the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act (POCSO) court have stretched into years.

As the case lingers in Punjab and Haryana High Court, the mother continues running from pillar to post to seek justice for her son, a student of a Faridabad school, who died allegedly by suicide in 2022.

Over the years, the mother—who was an art teacher at the school where her son was bullied—has held multiple protests across Delhi to seek justice and draw people’s attention to her son’s “killing” as well as the larger issue of bullying and sexual harassment of kids for their gender identity.

“The protests have been important in keeping his case alive. The headmistress of the school was jailed for 7 days and has been out on bail since then. I protest at Pride marches and I do solo protests as well; then, parents join,” the mother told ThePrint.

She added that many parents in India have lost their children to bullying and abuse. “There are many grieving families who join me.”

Before jumping off the balcony of their house on the 15th floor in Faridabad, the teenager had left a note for his mother. “This school has killed me. Especially higher authorities… tell ninna and bade papa about my sexuality and whatever happened with me. And please try to handle them… You are wonderful, strong, beautiful and amazing,” he wrote.

The mother was informed while she was on her way to tend to her ailing father, who died a year after her son’s death.

The mother said several advocates have “given up” on the case. “There are five accused in the case. No action was taken against the bullies even though I continued insisting. My son’s complaints were dismissed over and over again,” she said.

A case was registered based on an FIR filed by the victim’s mother, charging the school’s principal under Section 21 of POCSO for failing to report the commission of an offence. The school’s academic coordinator has been booked under the same section, along with Section 306 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC) for abetment to suicide. He was arrested, but given a bail after 1 week. Three classmates have been charged under Sections 6 (aggravated penetrative sexual assault), 8 (sexual assault), and 18 (attempt to commit an offence) of POCSO, as well as IPC Section 306.

ThePrint reached Deepak Gera, a senior advocate representing the school, via calls and messages. This report will be updated if and when a response is received.

During a protest the mother organised at Jantar Mantar last weekend—the most recent—she was joined by parents whose children had faced similar trauma. During the protest, a group of children, around the same age as her son at the time of his death, performed a skit based on the themes of bullying and sexual harassment.

“Everybody got so emotional that they all started crying. If my protests can raise awareness even among just a few people, I would consider that a success,” she said to ThePrint.

A tiring battle

The mother remembers that the bullying started when her son was in Class 6. It continued for a long time till he started slipping into depression. As his anxiety issues kept worsening, the mother was compelled to take him to a therapist.

She said her son was a vibrant child who loved applying nail paint and was interested in fashion, and those were reasons for his bullying in school. “He had never come out. He was just exploring his identity. For me, he was just my child and he was taken away from me,” she said.

As a mother, she was trying to give him the confidence he needed. “I would buy him nail paint and pink shirts. I got his ear piercing done. His life had just begun.”

After months of therapy, the teenager began to open up, his mother said, alleging that his classmates would pull down his pants and even call him derogatory terms like “chhakka”.

“Several times, he was taken to the laboratory where he said that his classmates masturbated and forced him to participate. When he would say no, he would be bullied for not being a man,” she said, claiming that due to increasing peer pressure, her son even decided to join sports in his school to “fit in”.

She also alleged that she was asked to quit her job as art teacher soon after she took action against school authorities. “They didn’t even hold a prayer meeting for my son,” she said.

She claimed that over the past 3 years, several advocates have continued with the case, but without any real effort. “While I have been able to pay Rs 1 lakh or Rs 2 lakh, these accused families offer them lakhs of rupees just to not help me win the case,” said the mother.

The mother continues her fight, hiring new advocates every few months.

The trouble, however, does not end there. The mother said she has received rape and death threats while fighting the case. She also alleged that unknown men had followed her on multiple occasions.

“Now I have been provided security by the authorities. They think I will just stop if they scare me. But I have nothing to lose. Justice for him is my last thread of hope,” she told ThePrint.

As proof, she pointed to her son’s journal notes and voice recordings of calls with friends, in which he described the daily harassment he allegedly faced at school.

The mother’s battle through the courts of Haryana and Chandigarh has been draining, she said—both emotionally and financially. Despite her son’s written letters and audio recordings, which, she said, should have made the process straightforward, she finds herself trapped in an endless fight against an “insensitive system”.

The mother recounted the sheer exhaustion of running from one courtroom to another, appearing for as many as three hearings in a month. Each time she returns home, it is with the same feeling of despair—another day in court, and yet, no progress.

As a single woman standing up to a powerful opposition, she often finds herself outnumbered, facing a room filled with the families of the accused, their grandparents, and their supporters, all staring at her with hostility.

She says the “insensitivity” of the legal process has only deepened her pain, as she recalls how, in one hearing, the opposing lawyer belittled her in open court.

Creating ‘own support system’

The mother now runs an Instagram account in her son’s memory, with more than 4 lakh followers.

On her social media, she continues to demand action against the teachers and school authorities who failed to protect him. Through this platform, she also connects with children facing similar struggles, offering them guidance and emotional support. She encourages them to speak up about their experiences, reminding them that they are not alone.

Throughout these years, she said many children on Instagram have told her, “You’re fixing what you did not break.” This has motivated her to continue speaking actively on child sexual abuse and the need for better policies in schools.

She believes that systemic failures in schools and the legal system contribute to the suffering of countless children. “Anti-bullying policies exist only on paper,” she told ThePrint. “Their implementation should be closely monitored, with strict checks from independent bodies to ensure schools take real action.”

She further suggested the creation of government portals where children can anonymously report bullying and abuse without fear of academic repercussions.

According to the mother, many students remain silent due to fear—fear of retaliation from teachers, fear of low grades, or fear that speaking up will impact their future opportunities.

Parents, too, hesitate to raise their voices, worried about societal stigma, especially in the case of girls. “For some families, it becomes a question of honour,” she said. “They want me to be silent, but I won’t stop… If the system won’t protect our children, we must create our own support systems.”

Grace Banu, a transgender activist, told ThePrint that India offers no acceptance for people and their gender identity due to entrenched patriarchy, casteism and transphobia. “Initially, those are the things that need to be changed,” she said.

Banu said teachers and teachers’ associations should be provided training on how to deal with children who are exploring their gender identity. “It is important to create a safer environment for them. On one side, we are fighting for the future of young generations; on the other hand, we are losing them to these issues,” she said.

“It is our responsibility to create safe space for these kids,” she said, adding that we require strong acts for gender non-conforming children (GNC). “A national policy should be there for these children to protect them from discrimination and abuse.”

Banu said the Faridabad student was misgendered and bullied. But while his issue gained attention, many others remain unnoticed.

A doctor at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS), who wished to not be named, told ThePrint he often receives patients with gender dysphoria, a condition in which people experience distress over their gender identity. He said the issue begins at home when parents fail to understand their children’s choices.

He said school authorities should sensitise students about how to treat their peers who are still exploring their gender identity. “Also, it is the responsibility of authorities to sensitise school administration. It should begin with the school principal since the principal dictates how a school functions and how teachers treat the kids,” he said.

Chayanika Shah, a queer rights activist, told ThePrint two things need to be looked at in a case like this one—gender identity and sexual orientation.

She explained that those who present as feminine, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation, often face sexual violence. “One sees very often that whoever is feminine presenting, they are subjected to a lot of sexual violence,” she said.

Adding, “We don’t know if the kid was looking for gender identity or they were figuring out their sexual orientation. We just know that they were slightly different from other children and that is what was picked up by people who bullied them.”

From uniforms to behaviour and the games children play, school authorities are often determined to make distinctions between “boys and girls”, or enforce rigid gender roles because of binary mindsets. “There is a lot of resistance to exploring anything outside the normative. This is detrimental to our inner selves,” she said. As part of a research she conducted in 2009, Shah spoke to individuals who were assigned the female gender at birth about their gender journey.

Of the 50 people she spoke to at the time, 22 identified as women, 10 as men and 18 said they identified their gender differently from men and women.

“We found that there were a lot of relationships that developed between girls and ‘tomboys’ (a girl who exhibits characteristics or behaviours traditionally associated with boys). And if the school got to know, the ‘tomboy’ was always attacked and humiliated,” she said.

She added, “We found that people had many stories of trauma from their schools, especially through teachers outing students and sexually harassing them.”

“A study on male students found that peer bullying often began early, with teachers also telling them to ‘man up’,” Shah said. She added that schools must do more to foster an environment that respects differences and discourages violence. “It raises questions on school education and what we are making our young ones to become.”

(Edited by Sugita Katyal)