Women like men who cook. It’s a fact. A man who knows his way around the kitchen and can whip up a meal without calling his mom is very, very sexy. It signals many things—chief among them that he is an adult and not a man-child. Sleepovers come with the promise of a proper breakfast, which, frankly, is far more romantic than a good morning text.
It’s not like women are actively rejecting any man who can’t cook—that’s something sanskari men do when they’re on a hunt for gharelu wives in the marriage market. But we do tend to swipe right faster on Hinge profiles with videos of men chopping vegetables. And the male audience is well aware of this. That’s why every other straight man these days is writing “cooking is my passion” on his dating app profile. What are they cooking? For all you know, they might have recently discovered how to make Maggi and count that as a skill.
Just looking at the statistics—sourced from the gossip networks—the new-age dudes are learning the seduction of pots and pans. Or at least pretending to be interested in it so that they can get laid.
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Cooking as a love language
In Desperately Seeking Shah Rukh, Shrayana Bhattacharya writes about why women love SRK for the way he moves through kitchens in his films—whether in Kal Ho Naa Ho (2003) or Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (1995). He makes it all look so easy, it’s like he belongs in that space. We have too many ideals—whether it’s the tall and nonchalant Anthony Bourdain, or sweet and homely Ranveer Brar. The female fandom of male chefs has been growing for the past two decades, but it hasn’t made men learn to cook. It was the Instagram reels that finally did it.
Every Instagram feed has viral reels of men cooking for their partners. We love it when Kiwi Chef Andy Hearnden asks, “Honey, what do you want?” at the beginning of the video and proceeds to make whatever complicated dish his wife asks for. That’s real princess treatment, period. Any woman who has a partner like that shows him off on her social media. It doesn’t matter if he makes gourmet sandwiches or humble dal-chawal, it’s the effort that counts.
The soft power of a man who can cook you a proper meal beats the finance bro’s bank balance any day. The modern woman is tired of earning, leading, cleaning and cooking. We have it all—to a fault. For us, being in a loving relationship means having a partner who shares the load. Yes, we can hire cooks, order from Zomato and even max out our credit cards eating out every week. But knowing there’s someone who can sort dinner by himself, without being asked, is its own kind of luxury.
A Delhi-based graphic designer was initially unsure about investing emotionally in her new relationship—until her boyfriend invited her over for lunch. Watching a man spend hours perfecting a Rogan Josh quickly clarified her feelings. Not just men, we are all ruled by our stomachs. Whoever feeds it best usually gets the heart.
But, sorry to break it to you, just writing ‘cooking is my love language’ in your dating app bio won’t cut it. And men who write, “I will make pizza if you don’t take yourself seriously” make it sound like a threat. One weirdo in Saket invited my friend over for a “home-cooked meal” and then refused to let her leave without a kiss. “I cooked for you, and you can’t even kiss me?” he said. Um, hello? Do men forget that women have been cooking for centuries? For free?
Men saw women thirsting in the comments of cooking reels and ran with it. Every male influencer now attempts a Vodka pasta recipe. Misguided creators started spanking the dough, fingering fruits, licking butter and moaning at the first bite of whatever unholy dish they cooked. These are cooking videos intended for what men think is the female gaze—which means multiple shots of veins pulsating in the forearms. But women just laugh at these videos. Cooking is serious business; you can’t be so sexual about it.
There’s a difference between a competent man who can feed himself—and everyone around him—and a man who performs it to get attention. The problem is, it’s often hard to tell the two apart when we’re still applauding men for even briefly participating in domestic labour. An average Lajpat Nagar playboy knows that women will reply to his Instagram story if he posts a picture of the chicken curry he cooked for lunch. And he is proven right, every single time. After all, this is the era of performative men, and they are being celebrated for doing the absolute bare minimum.
What women really want is a man who cooks and doesn’t seek a standing ovation for it. Someone who can put food on the table, clean up the kitchen, and treat it like what it is—a basic life skill. Not a personality trait. We’ve been doing it forever; it’s no big deal.
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(Edited by Theres Sudeep)