Nobody is more misunderstood than a 30-plus man who is perpetually single—involuntarily—and thinks therapy is a scam. He’s the original victim of the make-believe ‘male loneliness epidemic’. All his exes are toxic, and all the podcasts saved in his phone are apparently spitting the gospel truth. Naturally, the only way he saves himself is by dating women in their early 20s, not yet corrupted by a fully-formed prefrontal cortex. They “get him”, you know?
He’s not a villain. From Ranbir Kapoor, Shahid Kapoor, Al Pacino to Leonardo DiCaprio—even famous men only embrace youth. So what if women his age can’t stand him? He’s the “mature” guy with a coffee table book for the younger lot. He calls himself a victim of the modern dating culture—and finds recourse in the excuse of being “old school”—but thanks to the same culture and its evolved vocabulary, he’s now able to say that he’s seeking emotional intimacy without commitment. And nobody labels him an F-boy for it. He’s glad he can finally be the guiding force for someone. He’s overjoyed if it’s a girl who was in kindergarten when Rang De Basanti was released.
Guiding force may not be the right word for wherever he leads her to, but his intentions are pure—to make sure she carries him to the bathroom one day.
Before he’s that age, he’s hardly vulnerable. He says he’s got a ‘warrior mindset’ but can’t remember to fill the water bottles he empties. Too fragile for accountability, too ‘emotionally reserved’ to be communicative. We’re not supposed to be hard on him by expecting explanations from him. He’s probably “processing it” and will never circle back. For all the talk about having worked on himself, he’s the victim in all his breakups. His next—much younger, much agreeable, much “easier”—girlfriend is supposed to nurse him out of them. And he wants her to make tea too.
New age barter system
If you’re wondering where he’s getting this flat 100 per cent bumper sale on emotional labour, let me tell you—he’s been deemed the cream-layer boyfriend material of this age. Look to the West, White women are turning trad-wives for him, making phanir teeka musala from scratch.
In your neighbourhood, if you live in Vasant Kunj, Delhi, there’s an entry-level corporate-professional girlfriend who makes him breakfast every morning in half sleep, after her night shift. If he doesn’t eat it, he’ll die from acidity by noon at his very important mid-level manager job. He doesn’t have to ask her for it. Both him and her have seen the same scenes in their parents’ home, so she’s not doing too much anyway.
Lots of 20-something women are getting by like that. Making tea, saving rent in exchange. It’s a barter system. Even the English literature majors among them are not quoting Simone De Beauvoir. What’s the point of making a feminist out of your man if life’s much easier without it?
By chance, due to his rotten luck and the common sense of some women, if he doesn’t find a mature-for-her-age girlfriend, he goes online and becomes an incel. “Women are too emotional these days” is his first viral tweet. “They’re being selfish by not having babies” is probably the second.
Also read: Hinge Marxists, Bumble Apoliticals? Modern dating is a political minefield
Men who never grow up
Speaking of women with common sense, there’s a frontier debunking the fact that older men have any clarity due to age. Too many straight women report of a toxic situationship scenario in this dating pool. The 35+ men are either married or waiting for a ‘good girl’ to marry, so they won’t commit. But they’re too old-school to do casual dating—so they “take it slow” with a woman 10 years younger. She’s the girl who’s never introduced to his friends.
After a six-month-long situationship standoff, a Gurugram girl’s Hinge match broke up with her. His parting sermon looked something like this — “Thanks for helping me quit smoking and focus on sketching, it’s more than I expected from our brief encounter (six months). Best of luck for your future.” What is womanhood if not just about uplifting the gents?
In many cases, these men duck the question by waxing poetic about the perils of partnership; how, by being attached to someone, you lose your identity. Because they’ve been in more relationships than their younger insignificant others, they act all-knowing about how they actually don’t work. So why does he want his non-partner to be loyal to him? He’ll cry, don’t ask.
A 20-something woman in Delhi is fine with dating a 45-year-old man who has two children and a wife at home. But as soon as she starts talking to a guy her age, the married boyfriend loses his mind. He warns that younger men won’t get her depth or fulfill her ‘needs’. He won’t either, but only because he’s got a family to support.
It’s naive to assume that all older men make better partners because they’ve achieved some sort of clarity in life by reading Osho or following Ankur Warikoo. Some of them are half-balding and ‘figuring out dating goals’ on Hinge and Bumble. All they really want is to never grow up.
Views are personal.
(Edited by Zoya Bhatti)
hello from the other side of this
first off – yikes, how out of touch are you?
and what are these fictional takes. don’t tell me these are actual guys (are they? because shit, that would suck)
so many unrelateable things packed into one archetype by age . i get the older guy age-gap thing is weird, but selecting one age group to reduce to one-dimensional archetypes is just spiteful hater behavior.
(i don’t wanna guess why you’re spiteful, that’s for you to figure out)
the age-gap and man-hate i understand, that’s deserved, but the stereotyping of all 30-year olds into a one-dimensional fictional archetype is what stumps me.
personally:
1) no podcasts except the odd funny one. i don’t lie podcasts in general. they’re for chumps. most people do NOT have opinions worth sharing. no trad bro circlejeck. i’d never even befriend a lowlife like that, much less tune in to whatever loser has access to a podcast mic.
2) never sought to date someone crazy young. i keep a moving +/- 3 year window only. 35, 45 year old dudes dating younger 20 somethings feels stupid. i hate bollywood actors for this too.
3) never used the words “old school” or “warrior mindset” in my life
4) “and he wants her to make tea” (no, the tea i make slaps so hard it could cure cancer, she could never)
5) problematic exes, you say? i’ve never even made it to a date. i get a shit ton of matches when i’m active because i’m funny, but everyone ghosts after the face reveal ( conventionally ugly here and i’ve accepted it. and no, i’ve never made it anyone’s fault before you start “victim card” labelling)
6)unaccountable, reserved – who, 30 year olds? me?
7) “makes him breakfast every morning in half sleep” – i’ve never seen or expected this from anyone in my life. where are you getting this? who are these losers?
8)”being selfish by not having babies,” “Women are too emotional” – i know these losers exist, but they’re not just 30 somethings. it’s every shade of idiot rn. i get you’re using incel as a proxy for “patriarch” here, which is okay for the people making these kinds of desperate comments I guess.
9) “parting sermon” – not every 30 year old is dating younger, but i wouldn’t put it past them to sermonize anyone
10) “they’ve been in more relationships than their younger insignificant others” – again, not everyone’s looking for younger people. and guys aren’t the only ones ducking questions. but yeah, i get why being dishonest about intentions and ccommitment would piss anyone off.
11)”Making tea, saving rent in exchange.” maybe it’s just me, but i’ve never met anyone like this in my life. is this happening? i’m clueless.
12)”not quoting Simone De Beauvoir” – who’s stopping y’all? please, go do it. it’s a non-issue.
13) sticking middle manager to the 30-year old stereotype and entry-level to the 20-year old one – wrong on so any levels. shitting on both job roles when it’s underpaying founders that need to be shit on. will the 20-something never enter middle management? are women not middle managers? is the entry-level job-goer to become the VP overnight?
14) balding? excuse you, i have all my hair. do you see me taking shots at female aging traits? you couldn’t make me if you tried. because aging’s beautiful. someone hating on an age group wouldn’t understand this. i can tell you hate ANY kind of aging. you might be in denial of aging yourself. (and to think you’re out here saying MEN don’t grow up) i think it even disgusts you. i hope you treat your parents well. i’m starting to look at your words “his intentions are pure—to make sure she carries him to the bathroom one day.” in a completely different light now. i wouldn’t put it past you to dump your parents in a home.
15) “he’s overjoyed if it’s a girl who was in kindergarten” – not all of us can be as creepy as demi moore. apparently, women dating people their grandson’s age isn’t downright disgusting?
i think you’re underestimating how unbearably tryhard, cringe, and stupid 20 year olds look to lots of 30 year olds.
you have too much pent up angst against an age group.
you’re neglecting how long people have put off dating to bring their family’s finances to a safe levels from precariousness or how long people put off dating each time they feel rejected by algorithms. and here you are, putting everyone in the same bucket.
marrying and settling early is a sign of privilege now, of home -ownership, of generational upper middle class wealth. you work at a newspaper, how do you not know this.
older spinsters probably went through the same stuff too, and we respect that. i made so many points, did you see me giving them crap?
you’re making the assumption that 30 year old men and women of today came from perfect financial backgrounds or never thought “I’ll try later when I feel ready.”
whatever you’ve seen, i can assure you it’s not everyone. forget women, even guys wouldn’t be friends with the kind of loser you’ve described.
me personally, i’ve stopped looking waaay back. i tell people to not ask for photos and that we’ll never meet under ‘dating goals’ in my dusty, now profile now. if there was a “not looking to meet you” or “only here occasionally for interesting conversation” option for dating goals on Hinge, on an app that for people that don’t want to meet, i’d take it.
i crack a few jokes, entertain someone, and i leave.
many 30 year olds aren’t complicated. they’re just tired.
you? you just took a massive, reductive shit on an entire group of people that put off dating and marriage for mostly financial reasons.
your take is mostly a fictionalized soup of opinion that flings regular people in the same bucket as the undateble (and rightly so) chickenshit of a person you’ve described.
ps: don’t know why i wrote this, was bored on a sunday.
sahi baat bole hai aapne madam from rang de basanti to accountability to emotionally reserved and nursing him out of it so truee cryinggg hum sab ke saath hua hai yeh kya?
I see some male bashing here.
Anyway now that you have made the issues you are facing clear, I’d like an article by Ms. Ratan Priya with some solid advice on what a man is supposed to act like & provide to be considered decent to date/be in a relationship with etc.
BTW I make great tea and if you are ever in my part of the country I will be delighted to serve you some tea and take you around for some good time and give you company if you’d like.
Always a leftover women crying when Men go for younger women. Why can’t these women understand consent of Men, If Men don’t want to date women over 30 then period. Stop imposing yourself on men
This seems very anti-male. Your provide many claims with no facts to back it up. Sorry but this seems very anecdotal. it takes two to tango. Shaming one side gets us nowhere.
Is this satire ?
So you want to age shame men. You do understand its much easier to age shame women, Right ? Atleast the men can technically become fathers at any age, there is also enough deprivation in India to marry a girl even if you are 40 ! Lets see if women can do the same.
What is your problem with men dating younger women ? If they can provide women will marry them or just date them. You understand choice and free market or are you too insecure and ready to judge people. Its just Aging Spinsters dont need to lecture aging bachelors. We know one of them got it better.
Yay! Ms. Ratan Priya is back with another cringe-worthy article on dating and relationships. Our weekly dose of embarrassment.
In an article by Priya…”views are personal ” …that’s the most important line.
??