Nothing spices up a stable and loving relationship like a cute little conflict. If there’s no trouble in paradise, lovers create it out of thin air. Call it kalesh, self-sabotage or dedication to keep things fun—we’ve all done it. Some of us get fake mad to seek attention, compare ourselves with our partner’s exes as a regular Sunday afternoon activity, and scrutinise every little thing. Does he dress well? Who is he trying to impress? Which of his girlfriends worked on his wardrobe? Literally anything and everything can be used to cause a scene.
The way 20-somethings sabotage peace in their love lives is low-key toxic, but you don’t need to tell us that. Most of us are well aware of our flaws. In fact, we play them up, and be deliberately problematic as soon as we find someone who likes us. We become the villains in our own rom-coms. It’s the only way to check if the two-week-old dating app find is in for the long haul.
A regular Gen Z straight woman’s tactics aren’t very different from what Kate Hudson’s character was doing in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. It’s the challenge we bring to the table—the challenge to love us.
Jealousy rabbit hole
Men, too, are no strangers to raising over the tiniest things—like a slight delay in text replies. If she isn’t texting fast, she must be texting someone else. One anxious boyfriend went full drama king and cleared out his shelf at his girlfriend’s place after being seenzoned for just one day. Then there’s the type of men who can’t figure out where to channel their rage, so they torment their partners, just to see she’s made of titanium. Traffic jam? Her fault. Feeling hangry? Her fault. Too many dudes liking her photos? Obviously, her fault.
Her own lethal questionnaire is a healthy starter to spoil a very loved and cared-for girlfriend’s mood on a random Tuesday. There’s no safe answer to ‘why do you love me?’. And even if you’ve answered it 500 times, you can still falter at the 501st time. Then there are the hypothetical questions asked to test the boyfriend’s patience. ‘Would you still love me if I were a worm’ is a classic. ‘If your high-school girlfriend and I swap our souls, who would you pick?’ is a little more creative, but very important. The agenda is obviously to get a response so poetic that it puts Amir Khusrau to shame. Since it hardly works out that way, you’ve created a new topic to argue over a week, passionately.
Instagram and Twitter are objectively the worst conflict creators in Gen Z relationships. To see your partner’s ‘like’ on another girl’s picture is like a dagger to the heart. The wounded girlfriend then goes into the rabbit hole, analysing that girl’s personal style, career trajectory, and make-up skills. On top of that, there’s his digital footprint before you. All the lovey-dovey comments he wrote on his ex’s pictures hurt so bad. How can one not cause kalesh?
Also read: Older women want younger boyfriends in 2025. Cougar labels don’t bother them
The sabotage committee
Some kaleshi lovers especially enjoy making their partners jealous to get their attention. One girl confessed to me that she would try to cozy up with other guys when she had a fight with her partner. It’s how she kept him on his toes. Another would start talking about all the guys she could have dated to make lunch dates a little more fun with her boyfriend. A 26-year-old techie in Pune keeps all the dead and dried flowers from her last relationship under her bed to rile up her current beau whenever he seems to take her for granted. It’s a little harsh, but a stroke of genius if you ask me.
Moreover, there are worse ways to demand attention. A friend of a friend cut herself with a broken piece of wine glass to get her situationship to worry about her. Now, that’s a red flag so big it needs its own parade.
My rokafied college friend has truly put her fiance through the wringer in the eight years of their relationship. She would go radio silent on him all day just to see if he could crack the code. And if he couldn’t? Bonus points deducted for not reading her mind. One time, he showed up late to a mall date looking a little less pumped than her. As a punishment, she left him there, like a forgotten shopping bag. Did he get down on one knee because of this or despite it? Honestly, these are the mysteries of modern love I can’t solve for you.
It doesn’t take a smarty pants to guess that I, too, am a proud member of the kalesh committee. So tangled up in my own insecurities, I once got offended for being called pretty. When my ex showed me the pictures of his mother and sister, I had to start a fight. How dare he throw fake compliments my way when he’s clearly been around beautiful women? I am not insane, you’d get my logic if you could overthink like me.
Views are personal.
(Edited by Aamaan Alam Khan)
Thankyou for noticing such things and bringing it to th readers, i really appreciate it and loved your article. I laughed and enjoyed it. Thanks to you and your article.
501th….
Five hundred and oneth?
Five hundred and firth?
It’s minor, but an error in your opening statement draws the rest into question. Please re-read your work. There’s a reason you did it in school 1000000 times.
Ms. Ratan Priya is an embarrassment for the journalist fraternity.