I am only 27, why am I made to feel like the 30-something Bridget Jones?
From bridesmaid duties to nosey aunties, there are a whole host of reasons to dread the wedding season, but none more than the one question/passive suggestion of “settling down.”
This past year alone, half the people I grew up with have gotten married, and the other half are already popping out children. And then there are the “singletons”—we’re seen as sad, poor souls who have not found “the one”, who are still struggling in their love life. Ugh! As if.
The whole concept is, frankly, offensive. Why is it okay for aunties I have never met in my life to know my age and if I’m married or planning to get married? All after just five minutes of talking to me. Is it their collective dream to be like Sima Aunty?
Then there’s people my age—my friends are now telling me I need to get my life together. Simply because I don’t have a boyfriend. When did I become Bridget Jones?
Also read: Nice guys, bad boys, and the dating propaganda
‘Settling down’
Somehow, over time, the pressure to settle down has changed into “settling”. The term itself is derogatory; it implies that you deserve better but are choosing a lesser option. So the question begets itself, why would one want to “settle down” and for what? For mama’s boys with temper tantrums or for the sheltered middle-aged teenage boys who think they can do no wrong and that their wives and girlfriends must always put them first?
A German study quoted by The Economist found that educated women over 30 prefer to stay single rather than to partner up with less educated men. And isn’t that the truth?
An Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development study from 2021 found that 51 per cent of women aged 25-34 had a university degree, compared to a meagre 39 per cent of men.
The reality is that women are simply choosing to put themselves first; we have hobbies, passions, and are building lives for ourselves. Something men are having a hard time accepting. A 2024 survey from South Korea revealed that 60 per cent of men still think that feminism demeans them, even though the term literally means equality for all.
Also read: The dating pool is depleting. Gen Z is fishing in the friend zone
The Bridget Jonesfication of single women
Like Helen Fielding’s iconic late-nineties/early-noughties character, many women nowadays are starting to dread facing their Smug Married Friends. Most women these days choose to remain single. Boyfriends are, for a lot of us, simply superfluous. Vogue said it best: Having a boyfriend is embarrassing. I’d rather take care of a finicky cat.
In fact, a 2024 report by Morgan Stanley said that an estimated 40 per cent of women in the United States aged 25-44 will be unmarried and childfree by 2023. The report found that most women are choosing to delay getting married, marking a stark contrast from their predecessors. This rise in women staying single is often called online the “Sheconomy” or the “Solo economy”.
Perhaps by 2030, society’s views on marriage and parenthood might shift.
The Economist earlier this week revealed that there are 100 million more single people today than in 2017 in the US, declaring a new kind of recession (and the only one I can get behind), the relationship recession. With divorces becoming easier and faster, women are choosing not to “settle” for an unhappy marriage, simply to tick an item off a checklist.
When I was younger and heard these horrid expectations from my older cousins and friends, I always assumed it wouldn’t happen to me. I assumed that by the time I’d reach the “marriage age”, society would’ve moved on, the feminist movement would have triumphed, and finally, we would all collectively get a life. But no, most people still look at my life choices either with pity or with disappointment.
One would think that 27 is too early for the married-spinster-lost-cause game to be played. I thought it would at least take a few more years.
Instead, this year I cut a very Charlotte Lucas-cake. The “no money, no prospects and already a burden to my parents” frosting—a perfect summation of every dirty look at a wedding. Because God forbid you are still in your 30s and unmarried, and as my friends and sisters are often told, you’ll have to wait for the first batch of divorcees to find someone.
Also read: Is modern dating about instant relief or delayed gratification?
The kalera conundrum
Even if I were somehow able to slip away from all the judgement in everyday life, the sheer pressure of attending a wedding is overwhelming.
How is it that while my friends are getting married, I am the one spending money?
The never-ending tension about saris, lehengas, and cocktail outfits that can never be worn again at some point starts to outweigh the “sanctity” of the event. It brings me back to the age-old question: Do men have to put up with this? Are they creating their whole schedules around dance rehearsals and wedding shopping?
The once traditional and meaningful kalera ceremony has been transformed into a “Now toh you have to get married.” Initially meant as a shower of blessings and good fortune, the falling of the bride’s made-to-break dangly bangles has come to signify the next in line for the mandap.
A ritual of such significance that many go into a panic if the kalera does not fall on them!
Views are personal.
(Edited by Theres Sudeep)