There’s a lot of loose talk going around about gossip. The moral brigade says it injects venom into society’s bloodstream, wrecks marriages, rips families asunder, turns bosom pals into backstabbers, sinks careers and sends reputations into a death spiral. That would make gossip every evil-doer’s ideal—a non-violent weapon of mass destruction! True, all true. But, as profound thinkers, like the unforgettable Donald Trump, have told the world, the truth is many-sided. So here’s the alternative truth about that utterly gutterly delicious malicious tittle-tattle, which we claim we have no time for, and yet occupies a special niche in our lives.
Nattering about people who matter is, and always has been, something of a social rite of passage. It’s your Aadhar Card to acceptance in the circles you covet. Take me for example. By myself, I don’t have a hope in hell of making a striking impression on members of the elite groups I admire. But give me good tattle, or fun facts about people (never mind if it turns out to be more ‘fun’ and less ‘fact’), and before you can say ‘Shobhaa De’ or ‘Suhel Seth’, I will have everybody’s ear. That’s how most of us are wired.
Oxford University anthropologist and social psychologist Robin Dunbar has added scientific heft to what I have just said. He claims we gossip for much the same reason that our esteemed cousins, viz., the monkeys, groom each other. They may seem to be perusing each other’s person on a treasure hunt for lice, but they are actually doing something more noble and more social. They are building bonds. And that’s exactly what we do too when we exchange our tangy tales.
Apart from adding fizz to fellowship, gossip is also a great leveller. Education, democracy and urban living have all been touted as tools to help place members of varying social classes on an equal footing. Well, gossip does as fine a job as democracy, etc., and with much less fuss. Just think of the kind of levelling that is achieved every afternoon when the housewife and the maid discuss the neighbour next door. Or consider the chummy camaraderie that envelops the boss and the junior executive when they get together over a beer and meticulously, if mercilessly, skin an absent senior executive.
In an ideal world, I suppose such bonding ought to happen while we talk about the graces and virtues of those not in present company. But I doubt if such a chat will gain much traction. Suppose you kick off with, ‘Psst, have you heard…?’ and lean into the huddle to reveal that, ‘Raju volunteers as a warden for the Road Safety Patrol’, or that, ‘Purshottam gives free tuitions in Prakrit for the poor’. I am afraid you are going to see a precipitous drop in listenership. Speaking and hearing no evil may be a fad with the Mahatma’s monkeys, but it’s unlikely to keep lesser mortals engrossed.
The rise of social media has made gossip simpler to transmit than ever before. You don’t need to trudge down to the village chaupal, just as our forefathers were wont to, or walk to the water cooler as today’s office executives do. Technology has made it possible for us to e-gossip while slouching on the couch. But that doesn’t mean crafting the story has gotten any easier. In fact, when folks say gossip is idle talk, they do the art of news trafficking an injustice. It is anything but idle. The effective gossiper has to be on his toes 24×7. He knows that the tales he is carrying have the life expectancy of a Russian dissident.
Once an event becomes public knowledge, it stops being gossip-worthy. Also, you need to know what to chat about, and when. Some subjects are clearly off the charts. Nobody in the world gossips about mass murder, big-ticket crime or tragedies. What gets tongues wagging, ears twitching and lips smacking are those embarrassing eccentricities, the nuggets that people would prefer to kick under the carpet. That’s why we gossipers suffer very few pangs of conscience when we sit down with friends and set the ball rolling.
Our motives are generally above reproach. Most of us gossip for the same reasons that Ram Gopal Varma makes movies— to entertain, divert and delight, or to use that irreplaceable Indian expression—for ‘time pass’. There is one downside to all this, of course. Whatever our motives, if you talk about others, you can bet that others will talk about you. Take it easy. Nobody gossips about a nobody. When your private affairs become fodder for hushed but animated discussions, it’s a signal that you are either on your way or have already attained the big leagues. Welcome aboard!
This excerpt from ‘Masala Chai for the Soul: How to Brew This, That and Everything Else’ has been published with permission from Rupa Publications.