Millennials lived and suffered the ‘friendzone’. But Gen Z, left with no other option, is breaking out of it to date their friends. The sacred zone is now the last frontier of the 21st-century dating war, where inside jokes are ammo and shared WhatsApp groups are at stake. Romance is already retrograding, so why not gamble a little more? After all, pyaar dosti hai.
Twenty-somethings have done the strangers-to-lovers-to-strangers route one too many times and it’s exhausting. According to the dating app algorithm, there are barely any new people left to explore. Every time I open Hinge, the same guys I matched—and unmatched—with two years ago stare back at me. I thought the universe was personally mocking me. Turns out, most of us are swiping through the same familiar hell. So naturally, we are now encouraged to raid the untapped pool—friends.
The ones who have already disappointed us with their dance moves. The ones who share the same greasy Chinese order with us every weekend. The people who would never kill you with small talk on awkward first dates. Or shock you with their political views. Besides, you already know the fling-by-fling breakdown of their dating history.
The best part? If they ghost you, you can summon them on their mom’s mobile. Yes, this path from platonic to romantic is risky, but so is everything else these days. Even breathing through your mouth. Look it up. And do you know how hard it is to maintain friendships these days? Everyone’s commuting two hours, working ten-plus, and sending 100 reels from the toilet just to prove to our pals that we are still alive. At this point, kissing the hot friend is basic survival. With consent, of course.
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Friend circle with benefits
A 28-year-old hustler in Noida decided to take the plunge last year when his college buddy came to town for work. As he marvelled at her new and improved drinking capacity, he noticed that she was single for the first time since he had known her. Somewhere between the fourth drink and repeats of the Kaanta Laga music video on YouTube, everyone noticed them flirting. Now they live 3 kilometres apart, committed to each other in a low-maintenance, short-distance relationship that could either end in marriage—or spectacularly blow up their entire friend circle. It’s a comfortable balance.
Working professionals enrolling for master’s are also hoping for similar happy endings—finding their soulmate among their classmates. This kind of in-group dating is still heavily stigmatised. I know a man who spent six months of graduate college building a strong friend circle of 12 people, and the rest of the academic year dating all the women in it one by one. He eventually ended up marrying another friend from his school. His love life isn’t a dating pool—it’s a friend circle with benefits.
The dating experts of the internet are now loudly weighing the pros and cons of dating friends. Reddit listicles offer step-by-step guides on how to go about it. If you have chemistry, compatibility can follow. Some bravehearts are even shooting their shot and asking their besties out on actual dates. Remember those infamous pacts between best friends—“If nobody marries me, I’ll marry you?” Turns out, a lot of those are breaking prematurely, usually after one night of charged banter and an impulsive hookup. Closeted gays and lesbians forever in love with their childhood besties are cheering from the sidelines.
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Et tu, bestie?
Some accidents are bound to happen. When a 25-year-old research scholar from Pune finally made a move on her long-time friend-crush, he looked at her like Julius Caesar catching Brutus mid-stab—Et tu? All this while you were scheming to get into my bed? Another guy, who regretted expressing romantic feelings for his friend, wrote on Reddit: “Don’t be courageous in this matter.” God knows what happened to him that he sounds so alarmist.
A friend from my hometown was sailing smoothly on the friends-to-lovers plot with her chuddy-buddy. But as things grew serious and both sets of parents got too excited, the honeymoon phase hit a speed bump. Suddenly, his juvenile jokes sounded less like cute quirks and more like reasons to question your life choices. Nobody wants a partner as immature as their friends. No matter how attractive that friend is, dating him always feels like a consolation prize—the choice you made because you couldn’t find better. That’s what she said.
The breakup was a unique nightmare, as she couldn’t go ‘No Contact’ with someone she could spot from her balcony.
A lot of women have told me they can’t date their friends—mostly because they’ve spent their adult lives avoiding friendships with straight men. Dealing with a man, platonic or romantic, is exhausting either way. It’s like running on an endless treadmill, and the payoff is always: “Let’s just sit at home and watch this match.”
I have never dated my friends for two reasons—I know them too well, and they are the exact shade of disaster as I am.
This article is part of a series of columns on modern dating in India—the good, the bad and the cuddly.
Views are personal. The author tweets @ratanpriya4.
(Edited by Asavari Singh)