Everyone wants love as long as no one says they want love. And that is why Gen Z bravely asking for long-term relationships in their dating app bios aren’t getting matches. That and the ‘I have kids’ mention on the profile make people swipe left with almost the same speed. Harsh, but it tracks. The young of today are notorious for their commitment phobia—the internet is literally having a meltdown over Gen Z dating misadventures. The Dating Story is back, so you’ll obviously hear an awful lot about it.
To understand the insurmountable weight of ‘long-term’ in 2025, you have to know the other options on dating apps. If I add ‘open to short’ or ‘fun, casual dates’ to my profile, it means even if I chance upon a forest nymph or a Tom Hardy lookalike, I most probably won’t commit. The ‘figuring out my dating goals’ option is for the nonchalant gang — never actively seeking anything but also somehow planning the wedding menu by date two. And the most popular choice is ‘Looking for short-term, open to long’. It doesn’t have the dreadful determination of a plain ‘long-term’ and it’s not as openly promiscuous as ‘short’. It’s essentially saying: “I’ll first hear how loudly you chew, and then decide if I’ll fall in love with you.” Honestly? Fair.
Like most things in the world, the stigma around ‘long-term’ is built on some pretty solid stereotypes. Marriage-minded, single since more or less than forever, or somebody who wants wifey treatment while giving one-in-the-roster energy — all of which are gender neutral.
Some who swipe right on ‘long-term’ seekers, trusting the superior power of curls and 5’11’’ plus height, come out with the look of a car crash survivor. “My mother has great hopes for our thing,” one woman in Delhi was told by her date, whom she had only met the third time in public. And a guy in Chennai was grilled about his finances on the first date itself. For his date, the most important condition for doing long-term was that he figured out a way to earn a three-way income. She is the champion, roaring, go big or go home.
Also read: Modern love is the funniest joke. That’s why comedy shows are so heavy on dating content
Chasing relationships
By the way, adding the ‘long-term’ label isn’t hurting women as much. At any given day, 50 to 100 men swipe right on them without reading even a word on their profiles. A win is a win. Psychologists, relationship experts, and defeated lover girls are churning out endless content on social media on how to answer the dreaded “What are you looking for here?” in dating chats. It sounds like that job interview question that no one has an answer to, but you just wing it — where do you see yourself 10 years from now? The consensus? Say you’re looking for a long-term relationship, even if you’re not — because it helps weed out creeps and predators. For women, it is always safety first. When you see a man saying he wants a long-term relationship, you immediately think boring, serious, family man type.
Only the women unmoved by the current hectic discourse of femininity are able to say that I am here to get some and nothing more. A former editor of Vogue India is a rare presence on Instagram, sharing screenshots of her chats with sweet, short-term boys. After every few stories, she posts a long essay rebuking people who choose the promise of a long, loving relationship over the simple, small joys of meeting one-hit wonders on dating apps.
As far as the hot takes go, here’s one more: the problem with someone with a ‘long-term’ demand on their dating profiles is that it can sometimes sound like they’re just dying to be in a relationship and not focused on finding the right person for them. They just want to do those Titanic poses as quickly as possible, and any warm body will do. It doesn’t sound very fun, does it?
Hinge now lets users state their dating intentions twice — once in their profile and again as the first message in the chat, like two-step authentication. It’s as if the app doesn’t trust anyone to read properly. One guy, who listed himself as “open to short”, sent out this auto-message to all his matches: “Please don’t put me on a pedestal, I’m just here to have fun.” Misguided, sure. But the anxiety is palpable.
Views are personal.
(Edited by Aamaan Alam Khan)
We are back with another cringe-worthy article on dating and relationships.
Kudos to Ms. Ratan Priya for our weekly dose of embarrassment.