There’s no relationship report card day like the anniversary. It’s a periodic reminder of how long you have been going around circles with your partner, gagging at their smelly socks, and drooling at their thirst traps. The day to post a 10-picture PDA fest on Instagram with the cheesiest caption ever—one that can ruin a single person’s entire day. For Gen Z, it can be as big as Spotify Wrapped—a highlight reel of hit days. The tricky part? With our dilly-dallied dating dances, there’s no way to tell when things actually kickstarted.
It’s no rocket science to figure out why couples minted on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge et all have trouble pinning down their anniversary dates. It’s basically a mess of milestones. The Day We Matched, Talking Stage day 1, Pre-pre-dating day 115—who can even tell when things became official, or IRLR (in real life real)? Just like how my grandmother celebrates my mother’s, her firstborn, birthday on Diwali because she can’t remember the date, 20-something couples pick a convenient weekend of a post-annual-increment month to seize the review day. If both parties get an A, the relationship can move to Level M (marriage proposal, meeting the friends, meeting the parents, might do another year). If the grade is F, well, in most cases, it’s back to Day 1 of Level B in the dating stage—break up.
For some chaotic non-couples, the anniversary date can be as brutal a memory as the first day of 2020 lockdown—‘the day we first wore the comfy sweatpants of insanity, together’. Google Photos makes things even harder by throwing that awful memory in your face. Yay, you look so happy with the now-revealed psychopath. Meanwhile, the relics of this generation have Mark Zuckerberg to remind them: 500 years of ‘Facebook friendship’ with an ex you want to delete from your dating history. Although, it’s a great notification to get if you’re still cooler and even more out of his league.
Also read: Gen Z break up recovery is an Olympic sport. Aura cleansing, 75-hard & brown rice
Setting the foundation day
The obnoxiously happier lot can’t get enough of anniversaries—three months of the first DM, six weeks of hard launch, one month of the first fight—they throw a private (and social) parade for everything. Spa coupons, Amazon gift cards, movie tickets and whatnot are shared as gifts to mark it. Some even get the sacred mating day tattooed. Why shouldn’t they? They successfully skipped over the ghosting pit.
A 26teen-year-old to-be-engaged friend recently clocked nine years of her schoolyard romance. It wasn’t the date they first met, talked or snuck off to scandalous sports utility rooms. It was impossible to decide when they started tolerating the good old labels (the massive jump from girl friend to girlfriend). What made things even more chaotic was the haunting watch of strict parents. If your mother keeps snatching your phone away for smiling at 2 am texts, the talking stage becomes a long, and bumpy road. So, the D-Day was randomly picked out by the lovebirds. First it was 7 October, two years later it was pushed to a week later on 14th, now it’s on the midpoint—the perfect 10th. They can’t explain these shifts any more than politicians explain how they pick Parliament session dates. It’s their kingdom, they set the foundation day.
Going by some experts with fishy Reddit handles, anniversaries are religious festivals for straight women. I wonder why. It’s not like we expect a surprise dinner date. And then write TLDR (too long, didn’t read) captions for immaculately curated carousels, reels—fawning over the lover who didn’t get tired of us since this time last year. “I never knew you would become the centre of my universe.”“One year and forever to go”, “We went through hell and back together”, “He’s mine since 2022” (as if anybody wants him), “Thank you for letting me shut my brain”. “Who would have thought”, “You’ve been the rock behind my back”, “The key to my heart”, “The man of my dreams”. Or it’s just a low-key emoji of Earth and with a heart sign.
Can’t say all boyfriends are worth all these public love letters but I get it. Apart from my mother’s birthday, this Diwali I will also celebrate an anniversary. Although, I am not sure of what. One year of being delulu over a 5’11 dude? 365ish days of stalking him on Instagram, YouTube and Behance? Or acting low-key blasé the whole time? It’s something, for sure.
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(Edited by Theres Sudeep)