Gen Z women can be a million things—strong girl, man-eater, goth, or a girl’s girl. But the dating market seems to want just one version of them: feminine. According to the trending male fantasy, the ideal woman is a forever-happy, soft-spoken angel who giggles when her boyfriend breathes.
She can be a breadwinner, but she has to be the roti maker too, who never complains about being fed breadcrumbs. Most importantly, her dewy blush is so subtle that no man can accuse her of wearing makeup.
Apart from her, all women are undateable. Anjali had to play basketball in a freaking saree to make Rahul fall in love with her in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Fourteen years later, Saif Ali Khan’s Gautam Kapoor also went for the sanskari Meera (Diana Penty) instead of the party girl Veronica (Deepika Padukone). And in 2024, when Ranbir Kapoor was praising Alia Bhatt for being the best wife at Nikhil Kamath’s WTF podcast, the host asked him, “So, is she generally in a good mood?” Apparently, that’s the final exam in femininity.
‘Feminine energy’
The bearded YouTubers can’t stop feeling bad for us—that’s why they’re teaching us “how to act like a woman”. Most of them have likely never met a real woman—estranged mothers and sisters excluded—but they want what they want. After all, this also keeps the great hoax of the male loneliness epidemic alive—single, rejected men can always claim their dream girl was devoured by the sinister monster of feminism, which obviously robs women of their sweet, submissive femininity.
I have seen too many dating profiles of men who say they are looking for a woman who is in her “feminine energy”. What does that even mean—someone who cries beautifully under moonlight? Apparently, it’s a mix of being vulnerable, emotionally intelligent, nurturing, creative, and “fluid”—basically a yoga mat with feelings. You can imagine how hard it must be to be this soft. My single friend once channeled all her creativity into writing flirty messages to her Hinge match, only to be told, “You’re not being very feminine.” So, with the next guy, she replied only with okays, hahahas, and cools. This one said, “Stop texting like a man.” There’s truly no winning—unless, of course, you’re texting yourself.
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The checklist
The whole internet is obsessed with “femininity”, while everybody has their own vague, contradictory definition. Take this week’s viral tweet: One man posted a video of a woman dancing—someone he’s never met—-with the caption, “Am I the only one who doesn’t like too much extroverted girls?” Since all is not doomed in our world, at least a hundred people told him that yes, he really is the only one. The rest of the comment section, of course, wanted to know her name so that they could ask her out. The chaos didn’t stop there. Men also chimed in that she is the only kind of woman they’re looking for and that they “hate quiet girls”. Women had their work cut out for them—call every one of them a misogynist.
On Instagram, uncertified dating gurus preach sermons on how women can tap into their feminine energy. It’s hard to sift through all the garbage, but here’s what I’ve gathered—don’t pay on dates, never text him first, don’t act, just react. Invest in your beauty, but make it look effortless. Be suggestive, mysterious, and never loud. For some of us, this level of performance is simply unachievable. We might as well give up and become Brahma Kumaris.
“But you have to act like that at least until he falls in love with you,” I heard a 29-year-old woman tell her friend, “after that, you can be yourself.” Translation: spend your entire dating life pretending to be a unicorn, and hope he sticks around long enough to see your human side.
This article is part of a series of columns on modern dating in India—the good, the bad and the cuddly. Views are personal. The author tweets @ratanpriya4.
(Edited by Aamaan Alam Khan)