What it takes to go from casual to committed in the modern dating world—good luck

On one side of the internet, 20-somethings are whining about how dating is low-velocity, like a traffic jam—lots of honking (swiping), barely any moving.

Illustration: Shruti Naithani | ThePrint

If a Tinder chat moves to Instagram DM, it’s called progress in modern dating culture. Believe it or not but that’s how slow “speed dating” is in 2025. The bright and emotionally literate generation has jumped off the traditional relationship escalator of date, commit, marry, and divorce. Now it’s all about loitering at the bottom, soft-launching soulmate-hopefuls, clocking red flags, ghosting and quietly hoping for the stairs to start moving again.

Let me add to your confusion: pace is undefined in Gen Z relationships. We love slow-burn romance but expect it to wrap up in eight to 10 episodes for a cathartic ending. It doesn’t take long for two people matched on Hinge to share bedroom desserts but then they enter 500 phases of pre-dating: talking stage, hard launch, to whatever comes before breaking up or ghosting. It’s often too soon to tell if things are moving backward or forward—look what happened to Trump’s tariffs. We’re even confused about what counts as third base. Is it sharing a Spotify playlist or family trauma? Who even knows, it’s all a performance.

The resistance to this convoluted progression of things isn’t meek. One of the two parties (yeah, even in ever-evolved poly relationships) is always aching to establish ‘what are we’. Someone has to take the lead, even if it means starting a conversation so intense that the relationship slips back two levels. People stuck in situationships are never short on emotional support—at least from tarot card readers on Instagram. These digital mystics seem to have all the clarity you don’t. Their videos are titled: “The person whose name starts with H, A, G, P, S, N, K, D, J is thinking about you deeply. They’ll reach out in two days. Type 222 to claim.” And if one prediction doesn’t pan out, another reel will find you within 48 hours, selling the delusion—more convincing in a British accent.

Climbing the ladder

The lengths people go to climb the relationship ladder are equal parts genius and embarrassing. Frustrated by the glacial pace of casual to committed arc, one girlie in Delhi hit up her potential boyfriend with a framed picture of extra-sad Mr Darcy. It was giving peak Jane Austen pining—but with the wild hope that the relationship would sprout into a sapling overnight. Let’s just say the context was too complex for this man of culture whose idea of depth is quoting memes.

Is a girl supposed to spell out her expectations for the future instead of being literarily vague? Not in this climate. She is now planning to make the same move with another guy, picked up from the same dating app. Maybe this one will be worth the effort.

On one side of the internet, 20-somethings are whining about how dating is low-velocity, like a traffic jam—lots of honking (swiping), barely moving in any direction. Self-styled psychoanalysts on X blame it on the overthinking spiral. There are even thread tutorials coaching Gen Z on how to “escalate” things, as if intimacy is a corporate ladder.

Meanwhile, the orthodox monogamists are still peddling their favourite bedtime story: “If he wanted to, he would.” Apparently, in every hetero relationship, the woman is expected to wait patiently for a promotion while the man decides if she deserves it. Pardon my French, but what a load of crap.

I have recklessly fast-tracked flings—first date on Monday, a promise of forever by Friday. And I’ve also let connections simmer till there was no gas left. Let me tell you what works out there—good luck.

Views are personal.

(Edited by Theres Sudeep)