What’s better than a smart, woke, and perfectly goofy boyfriend? Two of them. In the 21st century, polyamory is sold by Gen Z like hot gulab jamuns, and even the diabetic—read monogamists—are curious to sneak a taste.
Polyamory is hyped up to be the solution to all our romantic troubles. To the horror of neighbourhood aunties everywhere, bravehearts among the Gen Z have moved past the idea of finding ‘the one’. They are swiping on Bumble to find the second, third, and fourth one.
Love is a party for the polyamorous, experienced better with two or more people with zero break-ups. One person doesn’t have to be at your beck and call at times. If you’re successful in navigating this new way of loving, there’s a chance that your birthday parties are attended by your boyfriend’s girlfriend’s husband. Nobody feels like a side character. But does it really work that smoothly? Well, we don’t live in a utopia. Or Woodstock. Or a Rajneesh Osho ashram of the 1970s and 80s.
I am a big believer of don’t diss it till you kiss it, so I tried to date a poly man. He was a Chandigarh boy lining up dates for his weekend trip to Delhi. Yellow flowers reached my doorstep before he did, but I was too hung up on the fact that he got a room heater for the other girl. Can you blame me with such a stark cost difference? Our time together was spent dissecting our dynamic and how it’s slightly different from what he had with the other partner-to-be. He took us both to the Piano Man Jazz Club (an expensive choice to repeat) on different days, of course. Clearly, he wasn’t obsessed with me enough, so I asked him to leave me alone.
Also read: Liars, fakers, scammers—Jamtara has entered online dating
A journey
Just removing the spice of exclusivity from romantic relationships doesn’t mean the end of all conflicts—polyamory is a modern love upgrade with new bugs and jealousy glitches. It is a journey, which involves lots and lots of internal work, and great scheduling skills so that all your partners get proper face time. You must learn all their attachment styles, texting patterns, and remember everyone’s allergies. Not to mention the full-time job of clearing the rumours— “No, I am not a hedonist, I just love five people, equally.”
Is it just about a commitment-phobic generation or is it cheating by another name? Case in point: Armaan Malik on Bigg Boss. He isn’t exactly a poly poster child, is he?
Some straight men on Hinge—who definitely don’t deserve any such freedom—are just using the non-monogamous tag to build “ethical” harems for themselves and spread STDs like confetti. And some women I know are dragging themselves to random dates to ease the pain of their partners seeing other partners—they aren’t poly but a glutton for punishment.
Yes, the plots of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Love Actually, and Twilight would be a lot different if all the characters embraced the poly lifestyle. But there’s no guarantee that they would be any less chaotic. Even The Sims, the best-selling video game series, has added a jealousy feature in its polyamory update to keep it real. There’s a reason why people looking for a primary or nesting partner to root themselves in the love dodecahedrons are getting unmatched. Apparently, that’s a holdover from monogamy and too intense for commitment-phobic polys.
Kudos to the bravehearts trying to normalise this love bonanza, I am happy being let down by one person at a time.
Views are personal.
This article is part of a series of columns on modern dating in India—the good, the bad and the cuddly.
(Edited by Aamaan Alam Khan)
One cannot but feel for Ms. Ratan Priya. Pretty sure she, like many others, did not go through the grind of journalism schools to cover such silly topics. Unfortunately, the management at The Print, in order to portray itself as “cool”, “trendy” and “fashionable”, must have ordered her to do so.