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On day one of my doctoral program, a professor said, “From today you must be extremely careful of what you say as your words will carry power.” As researchers we had to follow strict ethical guidelines while conducting research, especially on topics of abuse and violence. However, given that film makers impact the masses, are they taught to be responsible?
Amidst all the noise about toxic masculinity and misogyny, I would like to hear from those who enjoy movies such as Animal. But I am not here to discuss the art of movie making or performances, instead I have three questions:
- Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
- Have you ever spoken to anyone in a relationship with a toxic man?
- Have you ever thought about what such movies do to the humanness or masculine inside you?
Let me share what it does to someone who has experienced abuse?
I was in an abusive marriage 20 years ago and despite decades of healing, I still get shaken by someone screaming, hitting, or disrespecting another. It doesn’t matter if it is a movie or a real-life situation. Our body stores memories of trauma, and I feel as though my internal wiring has changed forever. I find it hard to trust another man, anyone raising voice, being disrespectful or hitting takes me back to my abuse and I freeze. Movies such as Animal is only a reminder of my abuse and how it changed me for no fault of mine.
Let me tell you what I have learnt after listening to women survivors (and men) for more than a decade.
For nearly a decade intimate partner violence has been my research area. I have spoken to several women (and few men) about their abusive intimate relationships. Each one of them speaks about how abuse has change them and their lives forever, some even had near death experience, they have lived through depression and struggled to trust another human being. They feel ashamed and isolated because someone abused them and live a life in constant guilt. Can you imagine them watching Animal without being traumatized?
But do we know what movies such as Animal are doing to our humanness or our masculinity?
As I work in the healing space, I come across men who are pained by toxic masculinity and misogyny. These men are not perpetrators of abuse, instead are sensitive, conscientious, and responsible. However, they carry the burden of toxic masculinity. They feel less confident because men are labeled in a certain way, feel scared to freely voice their opinion on gender issues without being judged, attacked, or dismissed. Some men are also survivors of abuse. I know all such men will feel even more burdened. Have you ever thought about how it is to live with shame of being a man?
I am not advocating to stop making movies on topics of abuse and violence, but can we do so with responsibility, without glorifying toxic masculinity and the abuser.
These pieces are being published as they have been received – they have not been edited/fact-checked by ThePrint.