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The other day, in a bustling hill station, I came across many sights and sounds of flora, fauna and a population converging from the cities to beat the heat. There were breathtaking vistas of mountains and valleys on one hand while on the other, there were busy and crowded streets to navigate. I sat sipping coffee at a café perched on the first floor of a road thronging with tourists. It was a balmy afternoon and I was soaking in the kaleidoscope of humanity in all its hues. Most tourists were rummaging through trinkets and local crafts the small shops were selling. I especially noticed many newly- wed young couples enjoying a break, now left to themselves after hectic ceremonies.
My eyes rested on one such pair walking hand in hand inspecting the little goods in a shop. The woman looked beautiful wearing vermilion in her hair- parting, a few dozens of bangles, toe rings, silver anklets and so on. The sandals and the heavily sequined and shimmering attire didn’t seem to allow her much comfort and convenience though. The young lady certainly stood out in the crowd as a newly- wed. The groom, on the other hand, if not with her, could pass off unnoticed as just another tourist in the crowd.
This made me wonder as to why the pointers of being married are carried by women alone while the men get away wearing just a wedding band or something inconspicuous. That too, is only if he chooses to. The woman, is more often, expected to.
Interestingly, these symbols considered sacrosanct also impart an odd sense of protection to the woman. Deep rooted social mores and decades of passive conditioning of both men and women render even otherwise rationally thinking individuals into unquestioning conformists.
The onus of following societal norms, customs and rituals strictly, is largely and unfairly tilted towards womenfolk while a lot of concessions are granted to the menfolk. Society traditionally views men as providers or breadwinners and women as their dependents. With men forming the conventionally favoured gender, women who choose to be unconventional often have to deal with guilt. A guilt that “it might bring misfortune to the husband”. Ironically, many women themselves subscribe to this thought. Seeking validation of men has become deeply prevalent in our patriarchal society.
The situation is changing slowly but surely. In today’s evolving gender dynamics and socio-economic structure, we stand at the crossroads of personal choice and age- old conditioning.
In my opinion, freedom of choice as individuals is paramount. In a democratic country like ours, our personal rights as women and individuals are fortunately protected under law irrespective of societal prejudices. This is unlike certain theocratic states where women often have to walk the tight rope – uphold traditions as dictated by the state and also carry out personal ambitions with liberty. Women thus, must never lose sight of the advantages that a democratic structure offers them. Without it, one is at the risk of being dictated to on every choice they make; right from choosing clothing, to choosing a partner, to choosing the number of children they should have.
It is therefore important for us as women to make choices wisely and independently and ensure that our daughters and granddaughters dream big and achieve their dreams.
Globally again, whether it is the repressive Taliban regime or the orthodoxy-ridden Republican Trump legions; the yoke of tradition, culture and faith rests on the shoulders of the women!
At a certain level, women should be able to relate to all the above, lest the shackles of culture and traditions come back to simply banish them from public mind space reducing them to mere biological progenitors.
Views are personal.
These pieces are being published as they have been received – they have not been edited/fact-checked by ThePrint.
Very well said!