Srinagar: In the basement of a Gurdwara in the heart of Srinagar, 52-year-old Sikh religious leader Gurdeep Kaur was leading an important Friday meeting. The topic at hand: how to stop losing their Sikh daughters to Islam.
It quickly turned into a parenting lesson.
“We need to give our daughters the knowledge of dharam (religion). We need to teach them Gurbani. You have failed as a mother if your daughter doesn’t pray,” Kaur, who delivers religious lectures and teaches Punjabi at weekly sangats, said. Around two dozen women sitting nod in agreement.
Their heated conversation is driven by the recent conversion of a young Kashmiri Sikh woman to Islam, a video of which was widely circulated on social media.
In the video, the woman claimed her name was Bhavneet Kaur and that she converted after researching Islam for over seven years. Her new name is Qurat ul Fatima.
“Sikhism came around 300 years ago, but what was the religion before that? I was curious to find out, and that’s how I came to Islam. I am recording this video so that my parents and community members know I have reverted to my original religion,” said Qurat ul Fatima, in Hindi.
A new fault line has emerged in Kashmir’s broader conflict. The small Sikh community, a micro-minority of around 40,000 people—roughly 1 per cent of Kashmir’s population—is striving to preserve its cultural and religious identity while navigating the challenges posed by interfaith relationships among the youth. The numbers aren’t huge, but the fear is real. Nobody is using the politically loaded term ‘love jihad’ yet, but the anxieties that a handful of conversions have unleashed have ripped through the fragile peace that the Sikhs established in the Kashmir conflict for decades.
The video about the conversion starts with a man speaking in Kashmiri and urging people to share it widely. It has already received 3,900 comments, 15,000 shares, and over 7,200 likes. The video has been played 8.5 lakh times. While most comments congratulated the woman, some from the Sikh community expressed shock.
“You may be happy, but your parents are suffering. This is not good for either the Sikh community or the Muslim community,” wrote one Jagbir Singh in the comment section.
And mothers are the first to be blamed. Community leaders are holding mothers accountable for not instilling religious values in their daughters. While a few interfaith couples ThePrint spoke to don’t regret their decisions and are living happily with their choices, the larger sociopolitical context and the memory of communal violence hold their mark on how such couples interact in the valley. Many now hide their marriages or leave the state, while others succumb to societal pressure, ending their relationships early on.
The conversion is one among several issues plaguing the Sikh community in Kashmir. Other issues are slow migration and lack of jobs.
At present, the prime concern of the community is social media updates of the conversion.
The use of social media to spread the news of a conversion is what triggers them. Several community members ThePrint spoke to admitted that celebration on social media whenever a Kashmiri Sikh woman converts to Islam is highly “provocative” for the minority community.
They (my parents) will kill us if they get to know. I often think that Delhi is better for interfaith couples like us. It’s free and no one bothers
– Asma, a Sikh woman who converted for marriage
On 2 September, when 28-year-old Angad Singh from Srinagar opened his Facebook page, he came across a video captioned: “Allah hu Akbar, this Sikh girl has accepted Islam.”
“Kashmiri society has not accepted interfaith marriages. When such events are glorified, it provokes the community and stirs emotions. It makes people feel marginalised within the larger society. Women are portrayed as trophies, and it’s made to seem as though someone has claimed a victory by taking what was yours,” said Singh sipping his tea.
The Grand Mufti of Jammu and Kashmir, Mufti Nasir-ul-Islam, said he does not approve of conversions in the name of marriage.
“I don’t approve of conversions done for the sake of marriage. One should convert only after reading about Islam and being certain that they want to convert.”
Speaking about interfaith marriages, the Grand Mufti stated that people have rights under the Constitution, and they are free to follow them.
“I don’t interfere in those matters but if you ask me that people have converted for marriage without the proper knowledge of the religion. I don’t see them as Muslims.”
Also read: Live-in couples in small town India have it rough – Varanasi to Vadodara, Aligarh to Alwar
Caught between communities
In the narrow lanes of Baramulla, tucked into a quiet corner, an ordinary house became the talk of the Muslim neighbourhood a few years ago. A Muslim man and a Sikh woman got married after the latter converted to Islam – their love story sparked tension between the two communities.
The tensions between the communities prompted the woman to make a video, in which she confessed to having willingly converted to Islam without any pressure from the man’s family.
Three years after the marriage, on a Saturday morning, Asma (name changed) stood by the doorway, her hair loosely tied in a bun as she balanced her one-year-old daughter in her left arm.
“I loved him, and that’s why I got married. Religion was never an issue for me,” she said. Asma met Aamir (name changed) when she was 13. Aamir saw her for the first time when she was on her way to the tuition class and then he followed her every day. The couple, who live in Srinagar, dated for seven years before getting married.
Aamir gifted her a gold ring in the first year of their relationship, and secretly, she had started offering namaz at home. She said Aamir pursued her for months before she finally agreed to the relationship.
I don’t approve of conversions done for the sake of marriage. One should convert only after reading about Islam and being certain that they want to convert.
– Grand Mufti of Jammu and Kashmir, Mufti Nasir-ul-Islam
“People do everything in love. I would discreetly offer namaz at home, and he would recite ‘Ik Onkar’ to me whenever we met. I always knew that I had to marry him but didn’t know we would have to bear such a great cost,” said Asma, as she washed her face and handed her daughter to her sister-in-law.
Asma and Aamir had to face the wrath of the Sikh community who accused Aamir of grooming their daughter at a young age and later converting her in the garb of love. On the other hand, Asma had to try hard to fit within her new-found religious community and actively assert that she was “not an outsider.”
“But I was asked before converting if I was okay with the conversion. I said, yes. I don’t feel forced. I am in love and if conversion can provide some semblance of security and identity in such a rigid society, I am up for it,” she said.
Asma said she is happy with Amir and everyone has accepted her but she misses her parents. But she doesn’t have the courage to contact them. This could be fatal for her relationship.
Because of such repercussions, interfaith couples in Kashmir, especially Kashmiri Sikhs and Muslims, are often reluctant to talk about their experiences.
“There are a lot more interfaith couples than we see on social media but they are very scared to talk. A few of them are living in Delhi, others don’t reveal their names or talk much about their identities,” said a 26-year-old Kashmiri boy whose Kashmiri Muslim and Sikh friends eloped and are now living in Delhi after the marriage.
For Asma, her parents don’t know that she lives in Kashmir with her husband.
“They will kill us if they get to know. I often think that Delhi is better for interfaith couples like us. It’s free and no one bothers,” said Asma, admitting she misses them a lot.
Also read: Where will Shillong’s Dalit Sikhs go? The question at the heart of rift with Khasis
Community’s interpretation
A library at the Gurdwara has become a hotspot for community members discussing the reasons behind such conversions. Over a dozen community members have gathered, and they have narrowed it down to three major reasons: lust, desire, and teenage infatuation.
Jagjit Singh, 47, claimed that every year, four to five Sikh women convert to Islam to marry Kashmiri Muslims. However, Singh admits that he does not have any documentation on how many women have converted so far.
“There is a pattern. Teenage Sikh girls are targeted. They get into a relationship, and then suddenly, they are asked to convert for marriage. We don’t have a problem with them marrying. People can fall in love, but why convert?” Singh asked.
Another woman at the library who didn’t wish to be named, blamed it on the women. She said that women who are emotionally vulnerable at home, especially those raised in broken families, are more susceptible to such conversions.
The discussion quickly shifted to internal community conflict.
We don’t have a problem with them marrying. People can fall in love, but why convert?
– Jagjit Singh
Several participants in the library meeting mentioned that when they approach fellow Sikhs to discuss their daughters’ relationships with Muslim men, the families often dismiss them, accusing them of spreading false information.
One of the participants said that Bhavneet Kaur, who recently converted, was his classmate in the school a decade ago. He had approached her parents to discuss her relationship with a Muslim boy. The girl’s family, he claimed, insulted him and asked him to leave their house.
“What can one do in such a situation? Even in the recent conversion of Bhavneet Kaur, when I went to her family, they asked me to leave, accusing me of maligning their image,” said another 32-year-old man with a kirpan strapped across his chest, requesting anonymity.
Political science professor at Kashmir University Noor Ahmed Baba recalled a conversion case of a Kashmiri Pandit to Islam in the 1960s, when the woman married a Kashmiri Muslim, and how it became the focal point of agitation by the Pandit community. Baba said that women are often viewed as “symbols of honour,” and such conversions are perceived as a violation of that honour.
We Sikhs are a microscopic community in Kashmir. We have no political representation or rights. The government hasn’t even granted us minority status
– Barkat Kaur Rattan, advocate
“Whenever such conversions happen, they provoke a range of insecurities, particularly within the minority community. They perceive it as a threat to their demography. This reaction is rooted in a heightened sense of identity consciousness and the degree of autonomy exercised by the women involved,” said Baba.
Also read: Indian atheists fight community, courts, caste. Tricky balance between culture & religion
A ‘microscopic community’
It’s not just Sikh women who have faced banishment from society and family.
It was the mid-1980s when Parbjit Singh fell in love with Shabnam, his next-door neighbour in Jammu. Singh pursued Shabnam for years, but their relationship only deepened after he met with an accident. Shabnam confessed her love for him. But marriage was not easy.
Singh converted to Islam but Shabnam’s family was not convinced. Eventually, the couple fled to Kashmir.
Sitting in the comfort of her home in Srinagar, Shabnam recalled how her husband, now known as Mohammad Ali after his conversion, faced threats from the Sikh community in Punjab. Ali passed away eight years ago due to kidney failure, but none of his family members came to visit him.
“In movies, interfaith marriages are portrayed like fairy tales, but in reality, they involve overcoming countless challenges, and nothing comes easy. In the end, you inevitably lose something – either family, or their trust or your innocence,” said Shabnam, showing the photo of her husband on her phone.
Two kilometres away from Shabnam’s home in Mehjoor Nagar, advocate Barkat Kaur Rattan, who claimed to be the only Sikh woman practising in Srinagar’s lower court, recalled how a Sikh woman from her neighbourhood eloped with a Muslim man two years ago.
“Conversion is a threat to our existence in Kashmir,” Kaur said. Women converting may think they gain some political value by joining the majority Muslim community, said Kaur.
“We Sikhs are a microscopic community in Kashmir. We have no political representation or rights. The government hasn’t even granted us minority status,” Kaur lamented, adding that such incidents of conversion are further fueling the simmering tensions between Sikhs and Muslims in the valley.
Despite having been in an interfaith marriage, Shabnam doesn’t support the idea.
“The kind of society we are living in, such marriages aren’t easy. However, if the marriage doesn’t work like several other normal marriages, the woman will have to bear the brunt,” said Shabnam. “Are women ready to take such a big risk? They need to think first.”
(Edited by Anurag Chaubey)
Shameful. And pathetic.
Islam just cannot co-exist in peace and brotherhood with people of other faiths. No matter what, it just has to get into confrontations.
Those who are defending such conversions, will they be just as accepting of conversions from Islam to Sikhism or Hinduism? Will Islamic society be able to accept such conversions by their daughters for the sake of love?
At least Hinduism and Sikhism provide women with the freedom to make a choice. Can the same be said for Islam?
Why do people feel like they own their children? It’s pretty obvious when you live in Kashmir, your children will marry Kashmiris. Be happy they find someone good to marry and let go everything else.
Of the Abrahamic faiths, it is Islam alone which refuses to introspect and improvise. The Renaissance led to massive changes in the Judeo-Christian view of the world and rationality and scientific temper became an integral part of European society.
So far, Islam has obstinately refused to adapt or assimilate with other cultures, religions and philosophies.
The result is that the world is increasingly categorising Islam as a threat to the advancement of humanity.
What Ms. Sagarika Kissu cleverly hides is the fact that a Sikh or a Hindu girl has the agency to get into a relationship with a Muslim boy. This eventually leads to conversion to Islam as this is set as a precondition to marriage by the Muslim boy’s family. Without conversion, they will never agree to the marriage.
Can the same be said about Muslim girls? Does their society provide them the freedom to convert for the sake of ‘love’? Are they allowed to renounce Islam and accept Sikhism or Hinduism?
Of course, The Print and it’s reporters will not address such questions.