Want to know about your date’s exes? Check their Swiggy saved addresses

Gen Z doesn't carry emotional baggage from past relationships. They upload it

Illustration: Shruti Naithani | ThePrint

The baggage of past failed relationships clings to us like Betal to Vikram. From one right-swipe misadventure on dating apps to another, it keeps getting heavier and messier. As children of the internet, i.e. Gen Z, we don’t just carry this baggage—we upload it, everywhere. It’s lurking in old DMs, Swiggy saved addresses, abandoned playlists, and Instagram archives. It’s a digital footprint that screams, “I have trust issues”. For better or worse, this cringey cargo of lost loves sets the tone for all future romances, flings and situationships.

Few first dates end without one party conducting a full autopsy of the other’s romantic history right there at the table. Obviously, the play-by-play of how the last relationship ended takes centre stage. Did he break up or did his ex? Whose fault was it? How serious was the whole thing anyway? What was the last straw? Who pushed who over the cliff? Information is key. We have to map our dates. And look for patterns. After all, you’ve got to assess the wear and tear on the Bumble product before taking him to commitment town. Because otherwise, it’s like moving into a new home without knowing its history—what if someone was murdered in the living room?

What isn’t revealed by the date himself, can be figured out with a bit of stalking on social media. Tagged photos, old tweets, Instagram followers list are where the goods are at. How do you think I found out that my ex-situationship, a cinematographer by profession, used to be down bad for a lawyer? It’s because he follows a law meme page. Sleuths like me don’t have to work very hard to uncover the painful details of our soulmate’s old links. It’s all there, neatly displayed in Instagram story highlights—those catalogued circles of emotional baggage that never really go away.

Then there are the tacts we learn from toxic exes. Why is my friend so petty about winning arguments with her boyfriend? It’s because her ex was a lawyer.

‘Not like your exes’

The point is that the past always leaves a mark, and it can’t be easily scrubbed off. It makes sense then why people can’t stop obsessing about their partners’ ex-lovers. Plus, it’s not like exes always mind their own business. Take my other friend, for example. She never engaged with her boyfriend’s ex but the ex kept sending her follow requests on Instagram, even after it was declined a hundred times.

One person’s emotional baggage can also be their partner’s choice of weapon. Jaipur-based 24-year-old philosophy post-graduate learned it the hard way. She ranted too much about her exes in front of her boyfriend early on, and now, every time he slips up, his go-to defence is, “At least I’m not like your exes.” She’s no better. In the last four years of their relationship, the couple has never been to a gaming arcade together because he used to go there with his last serious girlfriend. Never mind that she hates those high-energy joints anyway—she’s found a perfectly valid excuse to avoid bowling forever.

Unfortunately for some, managing former flames isn’t quite as straightforward. No matter how serious, healthy and freaky the current relationship gets, they can’t stop thinking about what came before them. My childhood best friend met her now-fiance in the Hinge city that is Pune—at her ex-hook-up’s house party. Even though the unserious ghost of the past has never been a problem, the fiance can’t stop obsessing about him. Every fight ends with his annoying and repetitive remark, “You used to hook up with my friend.” The poor guy desperately needs a Back to the Future miracle to wipe the other guy from existence.

The overthinking and anxious 20-somethings aren’t even satisfied when their partners don’t have a romantic history. An absolute lack of baggage is also a lack of experience in the tough sport that is modern dating. My pal in Bengaluru is never satisfied by the grand gestures her partner makes. She is convinced his enthusiasm to please her comes from the fact that he is a rookie in the game. Honestly, there’s no winning with our lot. Gen Z is broken.

Views are personal.

(Edited by Theres Sudeep)