The internet’s favourite couple template is the black cat-Golden Retriever pairing. If you’ve been living under a rock, it may sound like a deranged plan to crossbreed two animals. It’s not. These are two personality types that fit like yin and yang. Golden Retrievers aren’t shy about double-texting and black cats keep their blue-ticks off. This is called balance. At least according to Instagram theorists.
Nobody knows which animal kingdom expert came up with this theory but we can safely assume it was an influencer. In the early days (2023), dating gurus had declared that a straight relationship can only work if the woman acts like a black cat and the man gives off Golden Retriever energy.
And this applies to everyone from Gen Z to the mummies in the Egyptian tombs. Basically: he fetches, she purrs; he chases, she stays mysterious. It doesn’t seem too far off from the gender roles of the human kingdom. Is that why it’s so viral?
Cat, dog or terrified goat?
Predictably, bubbly girlies who spam Instagram with boyfriend dumps felt personally attacked. So did the dark-aura sad boys who occupy a corner at house parties and wait for their girlfriends to bring them a plate. And that’s how the theory has evolved — you pick what animal represents you. I spent the last two days asking girlfriends and boyfriends if they are black cats or Golden Retrievers in their relationships and very few had clarity.
A newly married girlie in Bengaluru identifies as a black cat who won’t even leave her room if she’s overstimulated. Her husband, meanwhile, is that outgoing, joyous boy who will volunteer to pick people up from the airport (in Bengaluru!). In all her years on earth, she never knew her uncle ran an export-fashion business — but her husband found out by attending only one family lunch. He doesn’t think his wife is a black cat — more like an orange cat with two brain cells.
Most women I know — especially those madly in love with their boyfriends — describe themselves as black cats. They are the goddesses being catered to by their loyal mates. They do whatever they want to do, and their male partners are always rooting for them. Have you seen a girl window-shopping at a mall while her man trails behind, carrying her tote bag? That’s the modern fairy tale: love measured in steps on his Fitbit. “I definitely roam around like an emperor cat and he calmly follows with ego tussle,” said one Noida-based therapist about her partner.
I have also been told that these personality types are only cute on Instagram, most people shape-shift in real life. Moreover, every couple thinks they’re black-cat–Golden-Retriever until the bill arrives. That’s when everyone magically transforms into a terrified goat.
Also read: Modern lovers are trapped in ‘chalta hai’ relationships. Breakups are a lost art
Surviving animalistic tantrums
My college bestie in Delhi couldn’t pick what describes him better, so he chose the black cat label. He’s no ray of sunshine to be with, in his own words. His girlfriend waits till Saturday to plan a date for Sunday so that he doesn’t get spooked and hide under the bed. But he maintains that he’s not the only one acting like a moody cat all the time. There are days when they both hiss at each other.
Speaking of complicating all things fun with offline reality, I have been bombarded with an exhaustive list of complaints. Women complain that men who pretend to be Golden Retrievers bark at waiters and men are fed up with their girlfriends only moving from their place when lured with a treat — like cats. Some black cat girlfriends are also accused of showing raccoon-like behaviour when they are offered food. Maybe modern dating is about deciding which animalistic tantrums you can survive.
A writer couple living in a high-rise building of Gurugram couldn’t settle the debate among themselves — they’re both giving, and equally grumpy on any random day. After one day of mindless discussions, they reached out to me with an odd answer. “I am the elephant and she is the ant, always trying to get on my nerves,” the boyfriend said. Filled with obvious envy, all I replied was “aww”.
This article is part of a series of columns on modern dating in India—the good, the bad and the cuddly.
Views are personal. The author tweets @ratanpriya4.
(Edited by Aamaan Alam Khan)